DSseeing Post time: 2012-12-20 05:27
The script is taken from "Seriously ill children and their sw ...
The script is taken from "Seriously ill children and their sweet little dreams "
Zuo Shuhan is 7 years old. Apart from the bald head and the pale-looking face, she's the same with every other girl who enjoys dancing, singing, playing and having little innocent dreams. However she's carrying① Neuroblastoma② who's still under③ Radiotherapy④.
Zui⑤ Shuhan's family of three are dwelling in a small house of less than 5 square meters. She likes Snow White so much that she always pictures herself wearing the same dress and little crown as the princess'. The very wish⑥ she has is to go back her hometown and put on the princess dress after her disease is cured.
The couple, Zuo Xiaolong and Jiang Xue, are determined to give little Shuhan 's disease the full treatment. While they took Shuhan⑦ to Beijing for treatments, they let their elderly parents look after the younger daughter back in hometown of Sha'an Xi ⑧ province.
Lively and cute Shuhan likes dancing very much. When she was in hospital, she would joyfully show her dance to other fellow patients, bouncing up and down on her bed. Children are generally afraid of going to hospitals, but Shuhan looks happy whenever she's hospitalized. "In this way, I can recover sooner, so I can go home to attend the kindergarten, where I can sing and dance, and play with my sister."
Zuo Shuhan is standing at the door of the little house of 5 square meters, where her family of three are living. This is a neighborhood of one-story houses that shelter migrant workers.
Zuo Shuhan is holding a camera and taking a picture of her parents. Shuhan's⑨ father has already had grey sideburns at the age of only 36 this year, while her mother Jiang Xue is wearing a pea⑩ green T-shirt given by a neighbor. To save money for Shuhan's treatments, the couple haven't bought new clothes for two years.
My comments and suggestions:
① suffering from neuroblastoma or has neuroblastoma
②, ④ neuroblastoma and radiotherapy are not proper nouns, no need to capitalize
⑥ Suggest 'she very much wish' instead of 'very wish' ("very" can function only as a premodifier of an adjective or another adverb, and not as an adverbial)
⑦ can use pronoun 'her' instead
⑧ Shaanxi, not Shan'an Xi
⑨ Her (can use pronoun as her name is already mentioned at the start of this paragraph)
⑩ 淡绿色 is 'pale green', pea green is 豆绿色
⑪ no character in the title 小小梦想 that translates to 'sweet'
Minor mistakes. Good job!