Author: voice_cd

Translation Contest Series NO 2   [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2012-12-23 09:12:45 |Display all floors
Left a letter of July this year, in addition to the bare head and pale face, her normal girl, like dancing, like singing, like the play, has its own little dream. But she is neuroblastoma patients still in the radiotherapy phase.   is what i get in translation
Playing Mahjong in Hangzhou world competition.

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Post time 2012-12-23 09:14:39 |Display all floors
LoneAcorn Post time: 2012-12-22 11:08
Thank you all for participating and supporting this contest.

Among the submitted entries that qual ...

Thanks for such detailed and excellent comments to each entry of our participants, Acorn! We really appreciate for your support.

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Post time 2012-12-23 09:16:27 |Display all floors
Ratfink Post time: 2012-12-23 09:06
Again a good standard overall was presented in this the second translation contest. Lonearcorn has b ...

Thanks for your nice comment, Ratfink!

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Post time 2012-12-23 18:48:19 |Display all floors
voice_cd Post time: 2012-12-23 09:16
Thanks for your nice comment, Ratfink!

You did very well too voice_cd. I should offer you English lessons to pound out the rough edges in your translation.



Per Ardua Ad Astra

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Post time 2012-12-23 20:51:49 |Display all floors
OK  …………   !

Thank you to DSseeing, waiboshu and sinoecocleaner for their kind comments for my considerable work in last week’s Translation No.1 Competition as these were much appreciated.

I also note that the method I used for the first competition for ‘feedback’ has been adopted and used this week with some degree of success.

I do not feel the need to make too much comment here but there are a couple of useful little points that I would like to mention. Look for parenthesis and bold text ........

DSseeing


The script is taken from "Seriously ill children and their sweet little dreams "


Zuo Shuhan  is 7 years old. Apart from the bald head and the pale-looking face, she's the same with (as) every other girl who enjoys dancing, singing, playing and having little innocent dreams. However she's carrying (an explanation here. A carrier is someone who carries an infectious disease but does not suffer from it. This girl does not have an infectious disease so we use ‘has’ or suffers from’ …….)    Neuroblastoma  who's still under Radiotherapy.


Zui Shuhan's family of three are dwelling in a small house of less than 5 square meters. She likes Snow White so much that she always pictures herself wearing the same dress and little crown as the princess'.  The very wish she has is to go back her hometown and put on the princess dress after her disease is cured.  


The couple, Zuo Xiaolong and Jiang Xue, are determined to give little Shuhan 's disease the full treatment. While they took Shuhan to Beijing for treatments, they let their elderly parents look after the younger daughter back in (their) hometown of  Sha'an Xi province.


Lively and cute Shuhan likes dancing very much. When she was in hospital, she would joyfully show her dance to other fellow patients, bouncing up and down on her bed. Children are generally afraid of going to hospitals, but Shuhan looks happy whenever she's hospitalized. "In this way, I can recover sooner, so I can go home to attend the kindergarten, where I can sing and dance, and play with my sister."


Zuo Shuhan is standing at the door (to be more precise ‘she is standing in the doorway’) of the little house of 5 square meters, where her family of three are living. This is a neighborhood of one-story houses that shelter migrant workers.


Zuo Shuhan is holding a camera and taking a picture of her parents. Shuhan's father has already had grey sideburns (graying hair is better) at the age of only 36 this year, while her mother Jiang Xue is wearing a pea green T-shirt given by a neighbor. To save money for Shuhan's treatments, the couple haven't bought new clothes for two years.

I have only commented on items not mentioned before and I think you have done a very good job again. Well done.


What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left  -   Oscar Levant

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Post time 2012-12-23 20:54:45 |Display all floors
Rainy Weather

Zuo Shuhan is 7 years old now. She loves dancing, singing and playing with other children and has her own dream. She loves life as same as other little girls do in her age. The only difference between her and other girls is her bald head and pale face. She is suffering from neuroblastoma and receiving chemotherapy.

Shuhan and her parents are living in a small house less (of) than 5 square meters. Her favorite fairytale character is Snow White. She always pictures herself dressing in a princess dress and wearing a  tiara. She wishes she could recover soon so that she can come (go back/return to ……..   if she is in Beijing) back to her hometown and wear princess dress.

Zuo xiaolong and Jiang Xue, Shuhan’s parents, are taking her to Beijing and doing their best to save their daughter. They left another daughter who is looked after by her elderly grandparents at the hometown in Shaanxi province.

Shuhan loves dancing so much that she could even give dancing performance (a dancing performance or dancing performances)  on her bed to other patients in the hospital. Compared with other children who are scared of going hospital, Shuhan is quite happy every time she gets treatment in the hospital. “After receiving medical treatment, I could (hope to ………….   You have used ‘could’ twice in this line) recover soon, and I could go back to kindergarden, sing and dance, and play with my sister.” She said.

Shuhan is standing at the door of their small house.  Most people living in this neighborhood are migrant workers.

Shuhan is taking photograph of her parents. Though her father is only 36 years old now, he has already got much gray temples (his hair is turning grey). Jiang Xue, Shuhan’s mother, is wearing a light green T-shirt which was given away by her neighbor. In order to pay Suhan’s medical bills, they haven’t bought any new clothes for themselves in two years.

I have only mentioned some ideas that are additional to previous comments you have. A very good translation effort and well done.


What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left  -   Oscar Levant

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Post time 2012-12-23 20:57:29 |Display all floors
Lizachen

Excerpts from an article entitled “Seriously ill children and their small dreams”

Zuo Shuhan is 7 years old. Except the bare head and pale face, she is no different from a normal girl of her age who likes dancing, singing and playing. Although she suffers from neuroblastoma and still undergoes radiotherapy, she has her small dream.

I like this better ……..
‘and is undergoing (present continuous) radiotherapy, she still has her small dream.’


Her family of three lives in a house with an area of less than 5 sqm. Zuo who likes Snow White the most always imagines wearing the princess dress and a small crown. All that she hopes is to return to her hometown and wear the princess dress after her disease is cured.


Zuo Xiaolong and his wife Jiang Xue are determined to cure their daughter’s disease. Their second daughter who was left behind in their hometown of Shaanxi is taken care of by their elderly parents whereas they took Shuhan to Beijing for treatment.


Shuhan is a lively and lovely girl who likes dancing.  In hospital she always bounces up and down on the bed performing for the ward mates. Shuhan feels happy about each hospitalization which other children are afraid of. “So I will feel better quickly. I can go home and attend kindergarten. I can also sing, dance and play with my younger sister.”

down on her (or ‘a’) bed performing for ‘her’ ward mates.

Zuo Shuhan stands at the door of the tiny house. Her family of three is crowded in the 5 sqm house of an area of single storey houses where migrant workers live.

‘Her family is crowded ‘into a’ 5 sqm house’… singular use as a group  or  ‘Her family of three ‘are’ crowded ‘into’ …’ Therefore the phase ‘of three’ indicates individuals and taken as plural and we use ‘are’ ……..
Collective nouns ………       You use the singular when referring to the group as a whole unit and the plural form when the focus is on the group as a collection of individuals.


Holding a camera, Zuo Shuhan takes picture of her parents. Zuo’s father, 36, is almost completely gray at the temples. Her mother, Jiang Xue, wears a light green T-shirt that was given by her neighbor. To cure little Shuhan’s disease, the couple hasn’t bought new clothes for almost 2 years.

‘a’ picture ……….   Needs an article ……  or use pictures (plural)

‘the couple hasn’t bought new clothes.’ Again, although this is a collective noun we might think of the couple independently saving money in their own ways rather than together. Therefore it might sound better as ‘haven’t’ as in plural. The couple haven’t bought any new clothes ……… Example: The family is wealthy (the whole group). The couple are holidaying in different places. (Individuals)

I have only made a comment on ideas not already mentioned by another judge. The translation reads quite well and is a good job.


What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left  -   Oscar Levant

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