Author: voice_cd

Translation Contest Series NO 1   [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 8Rank: 8

Medal Medal of honor Gold Medal July's Best Writer 2012 October's Best Writer 2012

Post time 2012-12-14 14:24:50 |Display all floors
Waiboshu

The couple, Xiang Heguo, 40, and Liu Chunyan, 38, has (1) a daughter and a son who are now students in a key senior High School in (2) hometown. “ We wish they could work hard and have a better future”, said Liu, who used to be a pre-school teacher in hometown (3) quitted her job (4) for low salary, (5) now work in Taiyuan with (6) his husband this year.

Pang Shunbin, in his 40s, is peaceful and don’t (7) talk much. His outgoing wife Zhen Juan cooks meals for plumbers and electrician(8) on the construction site. The couple has (9) two kids, the elder brother is a student in Chongqing University of Technology, (10) younger sister is a senior high school student. Zhen wish(11) his son could become a graduate student, “ If they study well, they will not live a hard life like us.

Du Shanguang and Du jun are both 23 years old. They (12) are married in hometown and have a over one-year-old toddler. They came to work in Taiyuan after (13) Spring Festival. Chen is a little shy and (14)not talks much.

Li Jiaofei, 24, came from Honghe, Yunnan Province. Since 18, Li has worked for different construction sites in Taiyuan. Now, Li and his family are still working and living on a construction site. His mother came to take care of his daughter (16) since she was born, now , his daughter is 11 month old.

1        have
2        their
3        and quit
4        because of the low salary
5        she
6        her
7        does not
8        electricians
9        have
10        and the
11        wishes
12        They married in their ….
13        The
14        Does not
15        See DSseeing comment #4



What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left  -   Oscar Levant

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 8Rank: 8

Medal Medal of honor Gold Medal July's Best Writer 2012 October's Best Writer 2012

Post time 2012-12-14 14:25:41 |Display all floors
Ianxinzhi
Incomplete

Pang Shunbin, (1) with two kids, a son and a daughter, (2) is over 40. His wife, Zhengjuan is some (3) outgoing compared to her incommunicative husband who has a gentle personality. She cooks for the workers on the construction site as her work, (4) the workers who are responsible for the installation of water and electricity. Their son studies in Chongqing University of Technology, and their daughter is a high school student in their hometown. Zhengjuan hoped (5)  her son could get a master’s degree, and then the children will live a better life not like them.

1        Has two children (needs a verb here and kids is too informal)
2        Connective ‘and’
3        The word ‘some’ is not required
4        Better like this with the subordinate clause close to the object it relates to:  She cooks for the workers who are responsible for the installation of water and electricity on the construction site.
5        ‘hopes’ present tense


What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left  -   Oscar Levant

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 8Rank: 8

Medal Medal of honor Gold Medal July's Best Writer 2012 October's Best Writer 2012

Post time 2012-12-14 14:26:17 |Display all floors
Doris88
Incomplete

Li Jiaofei is 24 years old. He is from Honghe, Yunnan.  Li came to Taiyuan for work when he was only 18. He has been working from here to there till now. Nowadays, a four-mouth family (1) of his are all in (2) the building site. Besides,(3) his daughter is only 11-month –year old. (4) Li’s mother is looking after his granddaughter when she was born.  

1        family of four
2        at
3        besides does not belong here
4        “Li’s mother is looking after his granddaughter when she was born”.  The phrase ‘when she was born’ is a reverse dangling participle and could describe the subject of the sentence ‘Li’s mother when she was born’, and additionally for this sentence it is ‘his daughter’ or ‘her granddaughter’ not ‘his granddaughter’.


What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left  -   Oscar Levant

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 8Rank: 8

Medal Medal of honor Gold Medal July's Best Writer 2012 October's Best Writer 2012

Post time 2012-12-14 15:12:28 |Display all floors
This post was edited by expatter at 2012-12-14 15:14

The most important thing for me in a translation is the ‘message’ and if all facts and details are not covered adequately then the translation can be said to be a fail.

Next, as regards language usage in a translation then I would look for natural collocations, discourse markers, natural transitions and a mixture of clauses. These keep the flow of the language easy to read and more natural. For example: Li is a man. He is 20. He likes rice. Li has a mother. Whilst this is English it is more like a telegram which is a different genre.

Finally, and not quite so important would be spelling, grammar and punctuation which all play a part in the experience of the reader.

With these ideas in mind I would rate the translations thus:

DSseeing: The translation reads quite well and has some higher elements of the language. It is annoying in the careless lack of correct spacing between words, but very good nonetheless.

Linda_sun: The translation reads quite well and has some of the higher elements. Well done.

Qu123: The translation reads quite well and has some of the higher elements, although slightly less than the former two. Well done.

Following them would be: sinoecolearner, waiboshu which are both very good efforts and well done.

Rainyweather: I have punished you severely here even though your work is very good. When you left out the individual, Zheng Juan in the translation then the message is no longer precise.   “He is quite easy-going and doesn't talk too much. He (3) is responsible for cooking for other workers at the construction site.”

Please when you do this again keep the message faithful to the original and then I am sure that I for one would grade this much better.

As for Ianxinzhi and Dorris88, they are both good scripts but as they are not complete they cannot be graded in relation to the original task. You have the ability to do this so why not do the whole script.

Well done to those who tried this translation  ..........    {:soso_e177:}

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left  -   Oscar Levant

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 4

Post time 2012-12-14 16:35:10 |Display all floors
expatter Post time: 2012-12-14 15:12
The most important thing for me in a translation is the ‘message’ and if all facts and details are ...

Awesome, my honor to meet you guys here, thank you, very helpful

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 3Rank: 3

Post time 2012-12-15 14:08:02 |Display all floors
expatter Post time: 2012-12-14 14:22
Sinoecolearner

Husband, Xiang Heguo, 40, and wife, Liu Chunyan, 38, have two children, a boy and a  ...

thanks a lot for your correction. I will take much concern over the mistakes I made here .

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 7Rank: 7Rank: 7

Glod Medal 2015 Most Popular Member Medal of honor June's Best Writer 2012 2016 Most Popular Member

Post time 2012-12-16 10:45:09 |Display all floors
Firstly let me thank all of the contestants for taking the time to enter the contest. Your work is all of a good standard when the difficulties of translating from Chinese to English are taken in to account.

I was going to comment individually on each work, but as Expatter and others have pretty much covered everything there is little I could add there.  With that said I am going to concentrate on a couple of more general issues that several of you were guilty of.

1) Gender Case.  He is for males, She is for females.  This is one of the greatest sources of confusion amongst English speaking Chinese people.

2) The Plural case. Something again that most Chinese speakers forget to use. One car, two cars! One meat patty, ten meat patties, 1 bottle of drink, 34 bottles of drink and so on.

The other is the natural over tendency to use commas (,) in writing. The secret to good punctuation is that it should follow the way you would speak a piece, commas are used when you take a breath or pause for effect. Full stops (period) (.) are used to break a paragraph in to smaller sections that contain a single subject or concept.

With all of that said and after careful consdieration of all due factors in the translation I would give the following 3 people positions.

1st place - DSseeing
2nd place - Qu123 and Linda_sun (tied)
3rd place - sinocolearner

Honorable mention: waiboshu

Per Ardua Ad Astra

Use magic tools Report

You can't reply post until you log in Log in | register

BACK TO THE TOP
Contact us:Tel: (86)010-84883548, Email: blog@chinadaily.com.cn
Blog announcement:| We reserve the right, and you authorize us, to use content, including words, photos and videos, which you provide to our blog
platform, for non-profit purposes on China Daily media, comprising newspaper, website, iPad and other social media accounts.