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my enlish introduction and purify wantted [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2012-10-19 14:25:19 |Display all floors
This post was edited by titer1 at 2012-10-19 19:59

I do know to it is right or not to put my introduction here

I try to find my introduction 's error ,
i do not want to lose fase in front of interview,
here, I do not fear, I show myself,
I think it is better to find the Defect early
,can u help me?
thank u!

the content is below:

My nickyname is vanny,

Aninteresting name in Netherland.

Why I am vanny, I like the soccer star Vanny ,

And I hada dream to study abroad in Netherland just 2 year ago.


Also,Youcan call me 66, a lucky  number ,



6 yearsago, I became the freshmen of this university ,####

Here, I got the consecutive scholarship for 4 years, all thescholarship can pay 75% of my tuition

Also ,Ihad worked as union minister ,


in the school union for morethan 1 year, I am very happy

When the news I edited was published and the posters I designed was showed in front of

My classmates.


2 years ago, I got therecommendation of undergraduate,

Only top10% of students can have this chance,

Then ,I had stayed in the lab  for about 1 years,


I lovethe happiness gained from the lab work.


During the lab' time ,I learned much, such as

How to program efficiently,

How to dotrouble shooting,

How to control the process of software,

How to cooperate with members ,…etc


(Also , I found how to keep the balance with work and life  is not easy work)

I amstill on the way.


Now ,**company is my favorite company,

What I do is fit for your job's requirement,

I am looking forward to be part of your big family.

This is all, thank you!


---------that is all.


gogogo ,tell out the world
you are in progress

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Post time 2012-10-19 14:41:30 |Display all floors
do you intend to apply for a vacancy at a IT-firm?
some day Jiangsu will rule China

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Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2012-10-19 16:03:10 |Display all floors
lionstar Post time: 2012-10-19 14:41
do you intend to apply for a vacancy at a IT-firm?

of course , it is
gogogo ,tell out the world
you are in progress

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Post time 2012-10-19 16:03:33 |Display all floors
now ,i am waitring for the forien company!
gogogo ,tell out the world
you are in progress

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 1

Post time 2012-10-19 16:05:43 |Display all floors

My English is not so well, I'm working on it, not to correct your  "mistake", but study myself.

6 yearsago, I became a freshmen of this university ,####

Here, I got the consecutive scholarship after 4 years' study, all the scholarship can afford 75% of my tuition

Also ,Ihad worked as a union minister in the school union for more than 1 year, I was very happy

When the news I edited was published and the posters I designed was showed in front of

My classmates.


2 years ago, I got there commendation of undergraduate,

Only top10% of students can have this chance,

Then ,I stayed in the lab  for about 1 year,


I lovethe happiness gained from the lab work.


During the lab time ,I learned a lot, such as

How toprogram efficiently,

How to dotrouble shooting,

How tocontrol the process of software,

How tocooperate with members ,…etc


(Also , Ifound how to keep the balance with work and life  is not  easy work)

I found it was not a easy work to keep balance between work and life.

I amstill on the way.


Now ,**company is my favorite company,

What I dois to fit  your job's requirement,

I amlooking forward to being part of your big family.

That 's all, thank you

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2012-10-19 19:57:57 |Display all floors
贤智 Post time: 2012-10-19 16:05
My English is not so well, I'm working on it, not to correct your  "mistake", but study myself. 6 ye ...

thank u!
there are so many hot-heart man here!


gogogo ,tell out the world
you are in progress

Use magic tools Report

Rank: 3Rank: 3

Post time 2012-10-20 02:41:47 |Display all floors
This post was edited by river16 at 2012-10-20 02:45

just some complement. hope it helps:
Here, I got the consecutive scholarship after 4 years' study, all the scholarship can afford 75% of my tuition

if you mean all through your 4 years in uni you got scholarships every year. you can say:
i obtained 4 consecutive scholarships during my 4 years' study.

I got therecommendation of undergraduate

maybe you mean "letter of recommendation" or something?

When the news I edited was published and the posters I designed was showed in front of My classmates.

since there are 2 things showed, you should use "were". and i think "display" might be a good alternative.

Then ,I had stayed in the lab  for about 1 years,

well, you were jailed in a lab? obviously not, i think you mean "i had been studying and researching in lab for about 1 year."

Also , I found how to keep the balance with work and life  is not easy work

also, i found it is not easy to keep the balance between work and life.

What I do is fit for your job's requirement

ok, if you are confident enough, how about "i am confident that i can meet all your requirements and be competent for this position."
-----------------------------
these are all my personal perspective, good luck.
(this hidden signature can only be seen by myself)

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