4. 掏粪工Poop Collectors
在中国，掏粪是古老而神圣的职业。好吧，好吧，这并不神圣，但确实是传统而古老的。In China, collecting human waste is an ancient and noble profession. Well, okay, it's not noble, but it is pretty traditional.
我们通常不会把中国和环境保护想到一块儿，但是[url=]中国确实为环境保护做出了巨大贡献。中国将数屎吨的屎转换成了肥料[/url]，1994年就有33亿屯的粪便转化成肥料。We don't usually think of environmentalism and China in the same sentence, but China recycles a shit ton of shit as fertilizer, transporting 3.3 billion tons of human poop in 1994.
That would be enough to build Mount Rainier out of poop. I just made that up.
尽管中国政府对其国民的私生活监管严厉，但是我想也不至于能让每个人在大便之前报告便便“库存”何处吧。所以就需要一批人去外面和公共厕所收集这些“产物”吧。Despite the government's heavy-handedness in other areas of private life, I guess they can't get everyone to report to a poo-depository when it's time to drop a deuce, so that means somebody has got to go around to all the outhouses and public toilets and pick it all up.
你可能认为大学毕业生不会加入到这个队伍中来，那么你错了。一篇国际报道的故事里说到，一家环卫公司招聘5名掏粪工人的广告吸引了391份大学生投递简历，因为这些绝望的大学生找不到其他好工作了。有意思的是，这类故事竟然吸引了国际媒体的关注。因为去年的时候，在另一座城市有2500个人争夺10个掏粪工的职位。You would think college grads wouldn't be jumping eagerly at the opportunity to join the brown patrol, but you would be wrong. In an internationally reported story, one sanitation company's ad for 5 shit-scooper positions brought in 391 applications from desperate graduates unable to find any other jobs. It's funny what stories catch the international media's attention, because another city had 2500 applications for 10 positions the previous year.
One of the 5 lucky job seekers.
还有更衰的。那就是殡仪馆的馆长了。中国人非常迷信，有些建筑物甚至没有4楼（因为“4”与“死”谐音）；而且你不能送钟给别人，因为这好像是给他们的人生倒计时一样。【注：我听长辈们说的不是这原因，是因为“送钟”与“送终”谐音，不过我还是按原文翻译吧】真的是这样，所以在殡仪馆工作的人甚至不愿意告诉他们父母自己在哪工作。It could be worse. They could be a funeral director. Chinese people are so superstitious about death that some buildings don't have 4th floors (because "4" sounds like "die") and you can't give people clocks as presents because it looks like you are counting the seconds til their death. Really. So people who work in funeral parlors don't even want to tell their parents.
"No, I swear, Dad, I'm a prostitute!"
尽管如此，殡仪馆的工作仍然吸引了5000名大学毕业生。唉，生活很苦B，而且不去殡仪馆就只能去掏粪了。But somehow a funeral parlor job fair attracted 5000 college graduates. Hey, times are tough and there's only so many poo-collecting jobs.
[url=]幸运的是，很快就会有更多的掏粪工的职位开放了，因为中国觉得现在大便已经供不应求（什么时候足够过？），现已对小便虎视眈眈，正准备向小便市场发起进攻。[/url]Fortunately for everyone, there should be more waste collector openings soon enough, as China has decided that poo is not enough (when is it ever?) and is looking to go after pee soon.
3. 打金者Gold Farmers
只要是玩过或者听说过在线多人游戏的，都知道打金者——他们把游戏里的“金币”卖给那些懒得打金的游戏玩家，“金币”可用来购买游戏里的虚拟物品。Anyone who's played or heard of online multiplayer games knows about gold farming - where people sell sums of in-game "money" to lazy people who want to buy imaginary horses.
Well, that's an unfair generalization. Sometimes they want to buy imaginary dragons.
但是这并不是微不足道的游戏舞弊行为，而是一个有条有理的，在全球范围内拥有拥有40万“员工”，总资产达30亿美元的产业。在这40万人中，80%的“员工”来自中国。But this isn't just some penny-ante game cheating, this is well-organized $3 billion industry employing up to 400,000 people worldwide, an estimated 80% of which live in China.
做这份工作，你可以一天到晚玩游戏，从早到晚做着重复的任务；不用在无尽的深渊里探险，也不用打怪神马的；当然如果完不成任务，就会被揍。怎样才能得到这么棒的工作呢？很简单，被捕入狱就是一条捷径。有些囚犯负责敲砖凿石，有些囚犯就去玩魔兽赚金币。谁说中国在监狱劳动方面没有创意？How do you get this wonderful job where you get to play games all day but don't get to explore or fight or do anything except one repetitive task all day, and get beaten if you don't meet your quota? Well, one way is to get arrested. Some prisoners are forced to break rocks, some prisoners are forced to gold farm. Let no one say China doesn't diversify its prison labor.
They can't ALL be assigned to build scale models of London Bridge.
几年前，所有的游戏博客争先报道，说中国要禁止打金产业，此消息曾引起很大的骚动，但最后证明这只是误会。中国怎么可能会禁止一个可以赚外国人数十亿美元的产业呢？这条消息不是跟中国的这种禁令一样荒唐可笑么？There was a big uproar a couple of years ago when all the gaming blogs were reporting that China was banning gold farming, but that turned out to be a silly misunderstanding. Why would you ban a multibillion dollar industry that takes money from foreigners? That's as preposterous as China banning piracy.
China's bread and butter.