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中国最奇怪的6种职业 [Copy link] 中文

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有些职业每个国家都有(厨师、农民、妓女),而有些职业只存在于特定的国家和文化中。比如:只有在美国,你才能以出售虚构足球联盟的冠军奖品为生。

There are some jobs every country has (cook, farmer, prostitute) and some jobs bred from unique cultural conditions in certain countries. For example: Only in America can you make a living selling trophies for champions of imaginary football leagues.

我觉得中国的特殊职业值得一看,尤其是自从中国被认为是引领世界发展的大国后,我们可能很快要申请这些工作了。比如……

I think it's worth taking a look at jobs that are particularly Chinese, especially since they are supposed to take over the world and we'll all be applying for these jobs soon enough. Jobs like...

6. 洋花瓶

Face Jobs" For White People

[url=]当美国人需要一个功夫小子或者一个会点拳脚的混混时,他们经常会找一个亚洲人(无论什么亚洲人都成)来扮演。正如美国人一样,当中国人想炫耀他们公司的国际性规模时,他们通常会找个白人来撑门面。[/url]

Just like Americans always need to find an Asian (any Asian) when they need a kung fu sidekick or villain for some hero, Chinese people need to find a white guy when they want to show off how big they are in business.

是这样的——中国并不希望任何外国公司进驻,不希望他们在中国的任何方面占有一席之地,不希望他们建立自己的工厂,但是中国却非常想与外国企业打交道并赚外国人的钱。因此,一个成功的中国企业就是有很多各种各样的穿着西装革履的白人在办公室不断地进进出出。

It works like this - China doesn't actually want any foreign firms to come in and own anything in China, or plant their own companies, but they do very much want to deal with foreign firms and bring in their money. So a successful Chinese business is one where a parade of assorted white guys in nice suits is constantly passing in and out of their offices.

如果你想吸引大批的外国业务,但你的产品中含有铅或三聚氰胺时,你需要做大量的工作。现在租个白人就省事多了,也便宜多了。你可以让他们参加各种会议、剪彩仪式、新闻发布会等等。

But it's a lot of work to drum up that much foreign business when you pour lead and melamine into all your products. It's a lot cheaper to rent white dudes and tote them around at your conferences, ribbon-cutting ceremonies, press conferences, etc.

嘿,那个人长得像CTO(首席技术官)!

"Hey, that guy looks like a CTO!"

如果你们公司暂时没有大型会议或仪式,你可以就把这些白人像模特一样摆在橱窗。

If you don't have any conferences or ceremonies coming up, you can just put them in the window, like mannequins.

但是白种女人没有白种男人幸运,她们通常不会被雇佣去当“门面CEO”,因为女人不适合当商人,这一点真蠢。不过,她们经常接到电话,要她们去扮演异国风情的女朋友。

Unfortunately, white women don't usually get to be pretend-CEOs, because women can't be businesspeople, that's silly. Women do get called on to pose as exotic foreign girlfriends though.

你们怎么不过来吃饭呢?Cheryl在做她们国家的风味食物,鸡油牛排

"Why don't you come over tonight? Cheryl is making the exotic dish of her people, chicken-fried steak."


5. 职业排队员

Standing In Line For Other People

我想这是一个相对较新的工作,因为,显而易见,中国人是大概4年前【注:也是因为北京奥运会,和后面的“文明督导员”一样】才学会如何排队的。在每月的11日被定为“排队日”后,我想排队礼仪现在受到了一定的尊重,队伍前面的位置就有了一定的价值。

I assume this is a relatively new job since apparently Chinese citizens only learned how to stand in line about 4 years ago. After rigorous line-standing practice on the 11th of each month, I guess the line is respected enough now that a place at the front actually has some value.

这个价值就是每小时3美元。这就是你要别人为你排队所需支付的价格。在一个需要排5小时队才能看医生的城市来说,这个价格还是合情合理的。在美国,露营排队只是为了星球大战前传和Ipads才去花这个米国时间的,但是中国人却要为了争抢购买房名额和孩子进幼儿园名额去露营排队。

And that value is about $3 US per hour. That's how much you can pay someone else to stand in line for you. In a city where it takes 5 hours to see a doctor, this makes sense. In America, camping out in line is only for wastes of time like Star Wars prequels or iPads, but Chinese people need to camp out for days to register for housing or even get into some kindergartens.

把孩子送进幼儿园还真不件容易的事啊!

That is a lot of trouble to teach your kids how to eat crayons.

我觉得我们可以把这一点引进美国,那我就可以请人帮我排队去康卡斯特(美国最大的有线系统公司)的客户服务部门投诉了,但这是不可能的。在中国,劳动力贼便宜。我的一个VFX(视觉特效)同事告诉我,在中国拍电影,电影公司一般是请工人举着灯光和反射镜,而不是用道具架,因为请人的工钱要比租道具架的钱少很多。

I wish we could bring this over to America and I could have someone stay on hold with Comcast customer service for me, but it's not going to happen. In China, people are dirt cheap. One of my VFX co-workers told me that on movie sets in China, they commonly use people instead of C-stands to hold lights and reflectors because hiring a person is a lot cheaper than renting a C-stand.

拜托!这个东西只要165美元!

To be fair, this one sells for $165.

当中国2002年拍摄史诗电影《英雄》时,他们并不是请一小拨国外视觉特效艺术家来实现大规模的军队效果和《魔戒》风格的壮观特效,他们是真的请了数百万的临时演员来实现大部分壮观场景的。

When China made the historical epic Hero in 2002, instead of hiring a small team of foreign VFX artists to create the massive armies, Lord of the Rings Style, for most scenes they just hired what appears to be about a million Chinese extras.

不管怎么样,虽然我觉得美国的失业率糟糕透顶,但是我认为你也无法说服任何人去做每小时3美元为人排队的工作。

Anyway, I realize unemployment is nuts right now in the U.S. but I still don't think you're going to convince anyone to hang out at the DMV for $3 an hour.

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Post time 2012-8-23 14:23:55 |Display all floors

4. 掏粪工

Poop Collectors

在中国,掏粪是古老而神圣的职业。好吧,好吧,这并不神圣,但确实是传统而古老的。

In China, collecting human waste is an ancient and noble profession. Well, okay, it's not noble, but it is pretty traditional.

我们通常不会把中国和环境保护想到一块儿,但是[url=]中国确实为环境保护做出了巨大贡献。中国将数屎吨的屎转换成了肥料[/url],1994年就有33亿屯的粪便转化成肥料。

We don't usually think of environmentalism and China in the same sentence, but China recycles a shit ton of shit as fertilizer, transporting 3.3 billion tons of human poop in 1994.

这些大便多得可以堆成雷尼尔山了,好吧,这是我编造的谣言。

That would be enough to build Mount Rainier out of poop. I just made that up.

尽管中国政府对其国民的私生活监管严厉,但是我想也不至于能让每个人在大便之前报告便便“库存”何处吧。所以就需要一批人去外面和公共厕所收集这些“产物”吧。

Despite the government's heavy-handedness in other areas of private life, I guess they can't get everyone to report to a poo-depository when it's time to drop a deuce, so that means somebody has got to go around to all the outhouses and public toilets and pick it all up.

你可能认为大学毕业生不会加入到这个队伍中来,那么你错了。一篇国际报道的故事里说到,一家环卫公司招聘5名掏粪工人的广告吸引了391份大学生投递简历,因为这些绝望的大学生找不到其他好工作了。有意思的是,这类故事竟然吸引了国际媒体的关注。因为去年的时候,在另一座城市有2500个人争夺10个掏粪工的职位。

You would think college grads wouldn't be jumping eagerly at the opportunity to join the brown patrol, but you would be wrong. In an internationally reported story, one sanitation company's ad for 5 shit-scooper positions brought in 391 applications from desperate graduates unable to find any other jobs. It's funny what stories catch the international media's attention, because another city had 2500 applications for 10 positions the previous year.

这就是那5个幸运儿之一。

One of the 5 lucky job seekers.

还有更衰的。那就是殡仪馆的馆长了。中国人非常迷信,有些建筑物甚至没有4楼(因为“4”与“死”谐音);而且你不能送钟给别人,因为这好像是给他们的人生倒计时一样。【注:我听长辈们说的不是这原因,是因为“送钟”与“送终”谐音,不过我还是按原文翻译吧】真的是这样,所以在殡仪馆工作的人甚至不愿意告诉他们父母自己在哪工作。

It could be worse. They could be a funeral director. Chinese people are so superstitious about death that some buildings don't have 4th floors (because "4" sounds like "die") and you can't give people clocks as presents because it looks like you are counting the seconds til their death. Really. So people who work in funeral parlors don't even want to tell their parents.

我不是在殡仪馆工作的,我发誓,爸,我真的是做鸭的。

"No, I swear, Dad, I'm a prostitute!"

尽管如此,殡仪馆的工作仍然吸引了5000名大学毕业生。唉,生活很苦B,而且不去殡仪馆就只能去掏粪了。

But somehow a funeral parlor job fair attracted 5000 college graduates. Hey, times are tough and there's only so many poo-collecting jobs.

[url=]幸运的是,很快就会有更多的掏粪工的职位开放了,因为中国觉得现在大便已经供不应求(什么时候足够过?),现已对小便虎视眈眈,正准备向小便市场发起进攻。[/url]

Fortunately for everyone, there should be more waste collector openings soon enough, as China has decided that poo is not enough (when is it ever?) and is looking to go after pee soon.

3. 打金者

Gold Farmers

只要是玩过或者听说过在线多人游戏的,都知道打金者——他们把游戏里的“金币”卖给那些懒得打金的游戏玩家,“金币”可用来购买游戏里的虚拟物品。

Anyone who's played or heard of online multiplayer games knows about gold farming - where people sell sums of in-game "money" to lazy people who want to buy imaginary horses.

这是在扩大贫富差距啊。有时他们想买这种帅气的巨龙,就要花费大笔的金币。

Well, that's an unfair generalization. Sometimes they want to buy imaginary dragons.

但是这并不是微不足道的游戏舞弊行为,而是一个有条有理的,在全球范围内拥有拥有40万“员工”,总资产达30亿美元的产业。在这40万人中,80%的“员工”来自中国。

But this isn't just some penny-ante game cheating, this is well-organized $3 billion industry employing up to 400,000 people worldwide, an estimated 80% of which live in China.

做这份工作,你可以一天到晚玩游戏,从早到晚做着重复的任务;不用在无尽的深渊里探险,也不用打怪神马的;当然如果完不成任务,就会被揍。怎样才能得到这么棒的工作呢?很简单,被捕入狱就是一条捷径。有些囚犯负责敲砖凿石,有些囚犯就去玩魔兽赚金币。谁说中国在监狱劳动方面没有创意?

How do you get this wonderful job where you get to play games all day but don't get to explore or fight or do anything except one repetitive task all day, and get beaten if you don't meet your quota? Well, one way is to get arrested. Some prisoners are forced to break rocks, some prisoners are forced to gold farm. Let no one say China doesn't diversify its prison labor.

他们不可能安排所以的囚犯都去建造伦敦大桥的模型吧!

They can't ALL be assigned to build scale models of London Bridge.

几年前,所有的游戏博客争先报道,说中国要禁止打金产业,此消息曾引起很大的骚动,但最后证明这只是误会。中国怎么可能会禁止一个可以赚外国人数十亿美元的产业呢?这条消息不是跟中国的这种禁令一样荒唐可笑么?

There was a big uproar a couple of years ago when all the gaming blogs were reporting that China was banning gold farming, but that turned out to be a silly misunderstanding. Why would you ban a multibillion dollar industry that takes money from foreigners? That's as preposterous as China banning piracy.

中国人都这样谋生计(卖各种山寨货)

                                                                        China's bread and butter.


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Post time 2012-8-23 14:24:04 |Display all floors
This post was edited by ttt222 at 2012-8-23 14:24

2. 文明督导员

Spit Monitors

另一个久负盛名的中国传统就是尼玛想在哪吐痰就在哪吐痰。美国的爷爷奶奶以他们孙子参加茶话会或穿高尔夫球服难堪,然而,美籍华裔的爷爷奶奶以他们的华人孙子在公园抓鹅当晚餐或在公共场合随意吐痰备感羞愧。

Another time-honored Chinese tradition is spitting wherever the hell you feel like. American grandparents embarrass their grandkids by joining the Tea Party or wearing golf clothes, whereas Chinese immigrant grandparents embarrass their American-born grandkids by trying to capture geese for dinner in public parks, and spitting randomly in public.

这只鸭不错,抓回去可以好好饱一餐了。

Here's a recipe if you're interested, by the way.

中国政府最终决定在北京奥运会(排队速成班的成立也是此原因)之前好好管管这些不文明行径,而且启动了大型活动,告诫人们在公众场合随地吐痰是粗痞的。

The government finally decided to take a hand in this leading up to the Beijing Olympics (the same thing that prompted the standing-in-line training) and launched a huge campaign to teach people that spitting in public is gross.

于是,有些人的工作就是抓在大街上随地吐痰的人,然后开罚单。很显然,唯一的问题就是这些文明督导和处理违章停车的女警察受到一样的待遇。那些被逮到的人就嘴硬“不,我没有”,这或多或少能助他们躲过一张罚单。我以为这在独裁主义国家应该不是问题,但是中国总是带给我们惊喜。

So someone's job was to find people who were spitting and write them a ticket. The only problem was that apparently spit monitors get as much respect as meter maids and people who were caught spitting would always counter with the uncounterable "No I didn't" argument, which somehow prevented the monitor from writing them up. I wouldn't think this would be a problem in an authoritarian state, but China is full of surprises.

给力的肛肠医院,中国给我们的惊喜之一。

Like anus hospitals.

为了防止这种“吐后不认账”的行为,所以他们还发明了吐痰监控车,这是一种高科技的移动指挥监控车,车的外边安有摄像头,就可以把那些随地吐痰的人抓个正着。只要开监控车的人拍到有人随便吐痰,他就会派人去逮捕这名“罪犯”。如果这人试图抵赖,他就会被带进监控车内,观看刚刚的“犯罪过程”,这卷录影带就可能成为他送给子孙后代的礼物。此时此刻,我想这个人的心理防线就该崩溃了,恨不得杀了自己,或者交2.5美元的罚款。

So they put together the Spit Van, a sort of high-tech spit monitoring nexus connected to outside cameras that capture people's despicable spit crimes. Once the guy in the van spots a spitter, he sends a guy out to apprehend the blackguard. If he denies it, he is brought back to the van and shown his vile act, caught on tape for posterity, at which point I assume he breaks down and kills himself. Or pays a $2.50 US fine.

这条规矩才刚刚形成,他们就开始计划要升级该高科技,使其具有卫星通信功能。这也太牛X了吧?不信你自己想一下。不过,在奥运会期间你见过有任何运动员随地吐痰吗?我还是得说,这支吐痰监控车队伍还是起了作用的。

When that article was written, they were planning to expand the equipment to include devices capable of satellite communication. Overkill? Well, ask yourself this. Did any athletes get spit on during the Olympics? I'd say the Spit Van Crew has done its job then.

1.奶奶巡逻队

The "Granny Police"

很多记者都注意到了,在中国的大街上,有大群的老太太别着红袖章到处转悠,她们似乎是代表中国政府对不文明的人说“嘿,老实点,我们看着呢。”

A lot of journalists have made note of a group of old ladies in red armbands that regularly make an appearance on Chinese streets when the Chinese government needs to say, "Hey, we're watching you."

好怕怕

Terrifying.

为什么都是这些老太太巡逻?《新京报》的报道给了我们一点提示,报道称,“如果是一些别着红袖章的陌生人走进大街小巷去巡逻,那左邻右舍的老爷爷和老太太都会马上围上去,七嘴八舌问个不停。”

The Beijing News gives a hint of why all the old people, saying "Streets and alleyways are dotted by the red armbands and strangers would be immediately surrounded by questioning grandpas and grandmas when they walk into a neighborhood."


好威武哦,怕怕

Intimidating.


也许你要问了,那这些老太太都驾鹤西归了怎么办呢?无须多虑,南京大学正在培养一批年轻的女士加入到这个有国家政府为后盾的光荣组织。这些人都有她们自己的红袖章,也是到处转悠,保证恋人们在公共场合不过于亲密。

And what are they going to do when all the old ladies die off? Well, some young ladies are being trained for state-sponsored meddling pretty well at Nanjing University, where they get their own red armbands and are responsible for going around and making sure couples aren't getting too affectionate in public.

你知道吗?这就是我们要向中国借鉴的一些地方,你懂的!

You know, that's actually something we should bring over here.


来源:译言网

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