How can you be disappointed with a language, what does that mean? Sometimes I get rather disappointed with Chinese people, but then this made me realize that Chinese people are indeed like everyone else....you will like some of them and not like the others.
I really think I love China so much because I don't have to live there. I'm sure that once I start living there, it will be like just another country. It's the people in your surroundings that are more important than the country you're in, as long as it is a peaceful country. Of all my real-life friends from all over the world, the only ones who ever yelled at me were from Northeastern Mainland China.
What is half a Chinese nationality (your signature)? I guess you're not here anymore to answer this, and by the time you get back, if ever, I will probably be gone.
Anyway, some people are gifted at languages and they learn it very easily. I guess you and I belong to the other category, and it's harder for people like us. To make myself happy, I've given up on serious Chinese study. Studying Chinese is still my hobby, because I do love it, but my work is focused on something else less stressful.