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Originally posted by greatlady at 2011-9-1 13:50
my sister passed away less than one yr, her husband is going to live with his new woman who have a baby girl. he said it is very hard to handle the life by himself with a son.that is why he got ne ...
First at all, I am really sorry for your sadness you still carrying after your sister’s dead
Second, I disagree with the poster # 11. I don’t see any obsession or interfering action in your post, what I see is a normal worry about your brother in law new decisions.
Third, If I were you I would feel the same, not for the him, he is mature and he knows what he needs, but I will feel worry for the child’s feelings.
I witnessed a similar case in the past and I will try to be short in my opinions
If the death of your sister was sudden, the husband grief may be difficult and he may wait several years before even considering the idea of remarriage. Conversely, if your sister had a lingering illness and he went through a partial process of grief before her death, he may be comfortable in remarrying in less than a year.
If there are children in both sides (even in one side only) it’s a serious issue. He should introduce the prospective spouse with her child to his son, he should observe the son reaction and how well or pleasant he can feel being like acquaintance first before a marriage. He also should observe the prospective spouse behavior; she should behave friendly and natural, not pretended.
In China when somebody is single and is an adult, is common the relatives start to “help” to look for a new love partner, sometimes pushing the situation, I hope that is not the story with him.
He is an adult, he can remarry with who he decide or likes, is not a crime BUT he is not alone, he has a child, he has to think and to act for both.
If he feels that is hard to handle the life by himself with a son as you said, he should be very smart before to enter a new relationship
Here son questions
How much time he spent with the son with the child studies or free times?
How much he knows his son’s feelings?
How much he knows that prospective spouse?
How financially are both to restart a new life together with children (she also has a child) to avoid economic problems in the house?
Does your sister left some assets that now is under his possession? If the answer is YES. How he will deal with it in the next marriage?
There are many issues involved in a new marriage for widowed people and the most important its the child feelings. Although the feelings of a child regarding his new remarrying must be considerate, the child counts a lot in this new stage and he should respect the sonfor who he is and how sensitive should be his grief over the lost of his mother, it may still very painful to him.
So the final decision must be made by both according the best interest for both
Greatlady I found your worries valid, we wish the best to our love ones and I hope honestly your nephew and his father find a better and peaceful life.