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Your death made me think many things deeply, many things that happened in the past which seemed more clear in my mind while I was missing you so much in those days. We as daughters of parents, they treasured us who can made more money ,who can contributed more for the family. Even I had ever complained about you in front of parents saying that since you got married with your man,you even did not talk to us more often,you even did not share with us what was going on with your married life, I felt my self an absolutely just a good innocent talker now, why at that time I even did not think of you in another way how hard your life must be that you did not call us often was that you wanted to try to save any cents for your down-payment apartment and your child. me, as many years of single person ,that I even never ever tried to imagine your life in a strange city without relatives and friends around…yeah, I am too innocent to judge you badly at that time, you made me feel guilty, you made me feel I am very childish .
Many of our relatives visted you during your last few days in this world,I heard many of them talked you a very kind-hearted and thoughtful person, from them I also know that you had a small operation one month ago before you were told you got cancer,the operation you’ve done that you did not tell any body in the family,many of us think that was very wrong decision you took by yourself. If you do not take that operation,your body immune system won’t be destroyed totally that make the cancer cells take advantage of the good ones in your body. Our father said like that, our relative said like that, we all thought that was the operation made your death destiny…at that time, how about if you shared with us your problem? How about if you went to normal professional hospital in stead of small street clinic who tried to convince you to do the operation? How about if you were little smart to go hospital to do CT when you did not feel well? Your husband said,first your heart did not feel well,sometimes that you can’t breath well,so he took you few times to check doctor to mearure your heart beat so fast,likely 120,so you took medicine for your heart; then,few days later,your felt vomit,and you went to small street clinic again to buy medicines for your vomit (the doctor gave you the medicines for your stomach), in such a way, you wasted one month time to go to big hospital to check over your body throughly.then I know the rest of the stories,I visted you,you told me you were fine, you would go to big hospital with your husband when he came back from the work( he worked far away in another city),so you sent me to parents home as you said you will be fine, do not worry.
I thought same as you ,you will be fine, you are young and no need too much worries.so I drove home in a same day…couple days later,it is Oct.12th, you sent me messages that your primary test was liver cancer, but the doctor can’t tell how is come from.. and you need more differents test. Dear Sister,in my mobile phone,I still have those text messages that you sent to me, I was so shocked to have your msgs at that time, now less than one month after the result, you had left us behind…so sad…so bad..