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Controlling anger before it controls you [Copy link] 中文

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Controlling anger before it controls you
在愤怒控制你之前控制它

Introduction

介绍


We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.

  我们都知道愤怒是什么,而且,都体会到它:不论是稍纵即逝的恼火还是全面爆发的气愤。

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and control anger.

  愤怒是一种完全正常、往往健康的人类情绪。但是当它失去控制,变得有破坏力时,可能带来问题--工作中问题,个人关系问题,以及你的生活整体质量上的问题。而且它可能令你感到仿佛处于一种不可预测有利的情绪的摆布。这本小册子是为了帮助你了解和控制愤怒。

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What is Anger?

什么是愤怒?


The Nature of Anger
愤怒的本质

Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

  据专攻愤怒研究的心理学家Charles Spielberger的观点,愤怒是指“一种情绪状态,从程度不同可从轻微生气到强烈暴怒”。和别的情绪一样,伴随着它的有心理上和生理上的变化:当你愤怒的时候,你的心率和血压会上升,以及精力荷尔蒙,肾上腺素及正肾上腺素。

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

  愤怒即可能是由外部事件引起,也可能由内部事件引起。你可能对具体的某个人生气(例如,一位同事或顶头上司),或对事件(交通拥挤,航班取消),或者你的愤怒可能由对你的私人问题担忧或苦思冥想而引起。也有可能是对具有创伤性或使人愤怒的事件的记忆而触发的愤怒感受。

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Expressing Anger
表达愤怒


The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

  表达愤怒的本能、自然方法是冒犯的响应。愤怒是对待威胁的一种自然、适应性响:它激发出有利,往往是具有侵犯感受和行为,让我们在受到攻击的时候,去战斗及捍卫自己。因此,一定量的愤怒对于我们的生存是必须的。可是另一方面,我们不能够从对每个另我们生气或惹恼的人或对象进行人身攻击:法律、社会规范及常理对于我们的愤怒的尺度加以了限制。

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

  人们用各种有意识和无意识的方式来处理他们的愤怒感受。三个主要方式是表达、压制和平静。以有主张力的方式--没有冒犯的--是表达愤怒的最为健康的方式。为此,你要学习如何表达出你的需求,以及如何使它们得到满足,而不伤害到别人。有主张的意思不是强蛮或索要;它是指对自己和别人尊重。

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

  愤怒能被压制,然后被转化或迁移。当你把愤怒放在心中,不去想它,关注于某个积极的事情时就是在压制。目的是抑制或压制你的愤怒,并将其转化为更有建设性的行为。这种响应存在的危险是如果不允许向外表达,你的愤怒会内化--朝着自己。内向愤怒可能引起高度紧张、高血压或抑郁。

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.

  未表达的愤怒可能产生出别的问题。它可能引起对愤怒的病态愤怒表达,例如,被动型冒犯行为(间接报复,不告诉他们原因,不直接面对他们)或,一种似乎永久性愤世嫉俗和敌对的性格。那些总打压别人,批评一切,说愤世嫉俗的话的人还没有学会如何由建设性地表达他们的愤怒。不足为奇地是,他们不太可能有许多成功的关系。

Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

  最后你能内心平静下来。这意味着不仅仅控制你的外部行为,还要控制你的内心响应,采取步骤降低你的心率,使自己平静下来,让感受程度降低。

As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt."

  正如Spielberger指出:“当这三个方法都不起作用就到了某人--或某事--要受到伤害的时候了”

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Anger Management

愤怒管理


The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

  愤怒管理的目的是减少你的情绪感受以及由愤怒所引起的生理激动。你不可能消除或逃避令你生气的人,你也不能改变他们,但是你能学会控制你的反应。

Are You Too Angry?

你太生气吗?

There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.

  有些心理测试可以测量愤怒的程度;一个人多么容易生气;及在处理它的表现得如何。但很有可能的情况是,如果你有愤怒上的问题,你已经知道了。如果你发现自己似乎失控或令人害怕的方式行动,你也许需要获得帮助来找到更好处理这种情绪的方法。

Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?

为什么有些人比另一些更生气?

According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.

  根据愤怒管理专业人士,心理学家Jerry Deffenbacher博士认为,有些人的确要比其他人更“头脑发热”:即,他们比普通人更容易生气,程度更大。还有些人不会以大吵大闹、。。的方式表现出他们的愤怒,可是长期都是易怒。。易发牢骚的。容易生气的人们不一定总是会骂人、丢东西:有时候他们社交退缩、生闷气,或生病。

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.

  那些容易生气的人通常被心理学家称之为对沮丧容忍度低,意思就是说他们感到自己不该感到沮丧、不该有麻烦或遇到恼怒。他们无法。。地接受事物,如果情况似乎不。。公,会另特别特别愤怒:例如被纠正了一个小错误。。。

What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age.

  是什么另这些人如此?很多。一个原因也许是基因或生理上的:即,有证据表明有些儿童生来容易生气、敏感,。。。这些迹象在很早就会呈现出来。

Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.

  另一原因可能是社会文化。愤怒通常被看成消极的:我们被教导可以去表达焦虑、抑郁或企图情绪,但是不可以表达愤怒。因此我们没有学会如何有建设性地来处理或疏导它。

Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.

  研究已发现家庭背景扮演了一个角色。通常,那些易怒的人们的家庭扰乱。。混乱、不善于。。情绪交流的家庭。


Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"

“毫不遮掩”好吗?

Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.

  心理学家如今称这是一个危险的误区。有些人用这个理论作为伤害别人的一张通行证。研究表明“放任”其实会加剧愤怒、侵犯程度,对帮助你(或你所生气的人)解决情况起不到任何作用。

It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.

  最好找到是什么触发你的愤怒,然后,研究策略去防止那些触发事物激怒。。你。

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Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay

远离愤怒的方法



Relaxation
放松


Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.

Some simple steps you can try:

  简单的放松工具,例如,深呼吸和令人放松的图像,可以助你平息愤怒感受。有一些教人们放松的书籍和课程,而且一旦你学习了这些技巧,你就能在任何情况下使用。如果你在一个双方都是暴脾气的关系中,那么你们两人都学习一下这些技巧可能是一个好主意。你能尝试的一些简单步骤有:

--Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."

  做横隔深呼吸:用胸呼吸不会令你放松。想象你的呼吸是从“肚子”出来。

--Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy."Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.

  慢慢重复一个平静单词或话,例如:“放松”,“”一边做深呼吸一边对。。自己重复。

--Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.

  用图像:想出一个放松经历的画面,不论那是记忆中的,还是想象中的。

--Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.

  非剧烈。。型,慢。。瑜伽样式的锻炼可以放松你的肌肉,令你更平静

Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.

  每天练习这些技巧。学会当你在某紧张局势下自动运用它们。





Cognitive Restructuring

感知重组



Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."

  简单地说,它的。。意思就是着改变你的思考方式。愤怒的人往往容易诅咒、辱骂或,反映了他们内部想法的脏话。当你愤怒的时候,你的思考可能变得十分夸张和过于戏剧化。试着用更为合理的来替代它们。例如,不是告诉自己,"哦,这真糟糕,可怕,一切都完了”,而是告诉自己,“这令人沮丧,我对此感到不安是可理解的,但是这不是世界末日,反正愤怒又不会解决它”

Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.

  但你谈论自己或别人的时候小心“绝对”或“总是”的话。“这。。鬼。。机器从来都用不了”或“你总是忘记”根本不是正确的,它们还会令你感到你的愤怒是合理,解决问题没有方法。它们还疏远和羞辱了可能本来愿意和你一起找出解答的那些人们。

Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).


  提醒自己愤怒于事无补,不会令你更觉更好(其实可能令你感觉更糟)。

Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.

  逻辑胜于愤怒,因为,愤怒,即便有道理,也迅速地变得无理。所以,对自己用冷。。静客观的逻辑。提醒自己这个世界“没有和你作对”,你仅仅是经历了日常生活中的一些不好之处。。每次你感觉愤怒正占。。你上风时这么做,这会帮助你获得一个更为。。不偏不倚的看法。愤怒的人往往会要求事物:公平、欣赏、一致及要按照他们的方式。每个人都想得到这些东西,而我们在没有得到它们的时候都会感到受伤和失望,但是愤怒的人们要求有它们,当它们的要求没有满足,它们的失望成为了愤怒。作为感知重组一部分,愤怒的人需要意识自己要求型特点,并把他们的期望转化为渴求。换言之,说“我想有”某样东西比说“我要有”或“我一定要有”更健康。当你得不到你想的,你会感受正常反应:沮丧、失望、受伤--但是不是愤怒。有些愤怒的人运用这种愤怒作为一种逃避感觉到受伤的方式,但这不会另受伤离去。

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Problem Solving
解决问题


Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.

  有时候,我们的愤怒和沮丧是因为我们的生活中非常现实且无法逃避的问题引起。并不是所有愤怒都错误,而且往往那是对这些困难做出的健康的,自然的响应。还存在一种文化信念认为每个问题都有一个解答,而发现并非每每如此则增加了我们的沮丧。那么给这种情况带来的最好态度不是把焦点放在找到解答,而是如何处理和面对问题上。

Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.

  制定一个计划,一直检查自己的进度。下决心自己尽力,但是如果答案没有立刻出现。。不要惩罚自己。如果你是面对它带着最好的意愿,做出最大的努力,并且做出了认真的直面它的尝试,那么你失去耐心,陷入尽得既尽失的思维可能性更低,即便问题没有马上被解决。


Better Communication
更好的交流


Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.

  愤怒的人往往容易得结论--且按照它们行动,而且有些结论可能非常不准确。如果你在激烈的讨论中要做的第一件事是慢下来,考虑一遍你的响应。不要把脑子想到的第一件事说出来。同事,仔细听别人在说什么,回答之前花一段时间。

Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.

  还要听一听愤怒背后是什么。例如,你喜欢一定的自由和个人空间,你的“那位“希望更多的联系和亲密度。如果他或她开始抱怨你的活动,不要将你的伴侣刻画为一位。。看守或,,或,你的负担以作为报复。

It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.

  当你被批评防卫心理是自然,但是别反击。相反,听一听话里面是什么:即,此人也许被忽视、未被爱。。的讯息。可能要由你做出大量、耐心的询问,而且这也许需要一些喘气时间。。。,但是不要让你的愤怒--或伴侣的--另讨论失控。头脑冷静可以防止情况变得糟糕。

Using Humor

运用幽默


"Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.

  “愚蠢幽默”可以在许多方面。。消除愤怒。其一。。。它可以帮助你获得更平衡的看法。当你在愤怒,骂某人或用想出的某个词来称他们的时候,停下,想象那个词真正会是什么样子。如果你在上班,把某位同事想成一个。。。坐在你同事的桌旁,打电话,开会。不论什么时候头脑中。。。如果可以的话,画出。。的样子。这会。。。:总可以靠幽默来化解一个紧张局势。

The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!

When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression.

  Deffenbacher 说,高度愤怒的人们潜在讯息是:“事情要顺着我!”愤怒的人们往往会感觉他们道德方面正确,任何阻碍或改变他们计划的都是无法令人忍受的耻辱;他们不应该这样去承受。也许别人会,但他们不行!他建议,当你感觉到这种冲动,把自己想象称一个神或女神,一个至高无上的统治者,拥有了街道、商店和办公室空间,一个人迈着大步,在所有情况下都由着自己;别人都为你让步。。。在想象的场景你能得到越多细节,就越可能你要意识到自己不讲道理:你还会意识到你所愤怒的事情其实多么微不足道。在运用幽默时有两条告诫。。。第一,不要只把你的问题“一笑了之”:而是,用幽默帮助你更有建设性地面对它们。其次,不要令人不愉快的、讽刺型幽默:这只不过时健康愤怒表达的另一个形式。

What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.

  这些技巧的共同之处是不把自己看得太严肃。愤怒是一种严肃的情绪,但是经常伴随着它的如果仔细审视的话是那些可能令你大笑的想法。

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Post time 2010-6-13 15:38:02 |Display all floors
Changing Your Environment

改变你的环境


Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.

  有时候是我们直接的环境给了我们恼怒和愤怒的原因。问题和责任可能压在你身上;让你愤怒于你所似乎跌入了的”陷阱“,和所有形成了那个陷阱的人和事。

Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them.


  给自己稍事休息。确保你在知道特别有压力的一天中安排一些”个人时间“一个例子是在职妈妈下班回家后。。的规定是。。前15分钟‘谁也不和妈妈说话,除非房子着火”。在这个短暂安静时间后,她感觉应对她的孩子的要求,不朝他们发火更有了准备。


Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself

消消气气的另一些小提示

Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments.

  时机。如果你和你的配偶往往在晚上讨论事情时吵架--也许你感到疲惫或分心或也许仅仅是习惯--试着改变谈论重要事情的时间,这样这些谈话不会成为争吵。

Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.

  回避:如果你的孩子的乱糟糟的房间另你每当走过时生气,把门关上。不要让自己看另你生气的东西。不要说,“啊,我的孩子应该打扫房间,这样我就不生气了!”这不是重点。重点是让自己平静。

Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.

  找到别的方式。如果你每天上班令你生气、沮丧,为自己下一个项目--学会或绘制某条不同路线,拥堵程度更低或景色更好的路线。或者,找到另一个方式,例如,坐公交或通勤火车。

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