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Diff. On Marriage Concept between East/West Women. [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2009-12-24 12:31:16 |Display all floors
Differences on Marriage Concept between Chinese Women and Western Women

Opinions from East and West Women are welcomed. My disclaimer? Do you agree with the following because I am not a woman, obviously.

As China continues to open to the outside world, mixed marriage becomes more and more popular, while great differences on marriage concept still exist between Chinese and western women. If you want to marry a Chinese woman, then you should be adaptable to marriage culture and concept of Chinese women.

In the eyes of western women, marriage is a private matter and no one can intervene without permit. They have the right to live with the person they like. But once they find that their marriage is a mistake, they will make the second choice, because it is brutal to force two people who don’t love each other any more to live together. Compared with them, Chinese women wish to live with their husband in their lifetime once they get married. For them, marriage is very important and once a Chinese woman commits to her partner she does so for life; it will take a great apocalyptic wrong by her partner to dissuade her from that commitment. They are incredibly loyal, especially if that loyalty is reciprocated.

Western women desire to get love, and are brave to accept love without hesitation, whereas Chinese women take a complicated attitude to it. They desire a memorable love, but are fear of the sufferings the love brings. This attitude is resulted from the traditional moral concept of Chinese women.

Since ancient times, Chinese people have highlighted the collectivity. Husband and wife should stick together through thick and thin and cannot be separated from each other forever. Therefore, Chinese women are always cautious and prudent to choose their husband. Even though she really loves him, she would take his characters, education, health and career into account, because it is a decision that will determine her life. This is completely different with that of western women.
jia na da ren

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Post time 2010-1-14 14:27:26 |Display all floors

Western Women Have Easier Choices

As an American, I have seen a great difference in the attitudes of ladies to marriage and I think a lot of it is due to the fact that many
women no longer have to rely on their husband to live well financially.   So if her husband is a bad guy, doesn't earn well, or has problems like gambling or alcohol addiction, she may decide to divorce him and look for another husband.  Or she may divorce and be satified
with being single.  Then she may have whatever sex partners she wants, just as men often do.

In China, it is pretty difficult to live without a husband but that is changing.  Maybe the different cultural attitudes that Chinese have about
marriage will prevent the rampant divorce like we see in America.  it will be interesting to see.  I also wonder what will happen with China
having a shortage of women compared to men....many men with no lady to marry.  Will the Chinese men look to other countries for their
wives???

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Post time 2010-2-8 03:11:28 |Display all floors
This a a contemporary marriage ceremony in Ontario Canada




MARRIAGE COMMISSIONER:

Dear friends, we are gathered here today to witness the marriage of John and Jane and to celebrate with them. They have asked you here to be a part of their wedding day as they pledge themselves to each other. The union of man and woman in marriage is not to be taken lightly. Therefore if anyone can show any just cause why they may not lawfully be married they must declare it now or else hereafter hold their peace.


The Wedding


It is not intended in marriage that husbands and wives cease to be individuals, but that both may continue to grow in love by support and concern for each other's well being.
You travelled down different paths to reach the point at which you met. Today you take the next step in your journey. You must promise to love, respect, and support each other in all the rough times, the sad times, and celebrate all the happy times together.

John, will you take Jane to be your wife, to love her, comfort her, honour and protect her; and forsaking all others to be faithful to her for as long as you both shall live?

Jane, will you take John to be your husband, to love him, comfort him, honour and protect him; and forsaking all others to be faithful to him for as long as you both shall live?


The Exchanging of the Rings

MARRIAGE COMMISSIONER TO GROOM:

Place the ring on her finger, hold it there and say these words to her.

With all my love I give you this ring, an everlasting symbol of the vows that we have made to each other, and as a token of my love.
MARRIAGE COMMISSIONER TO BRIDE:

Place the ring on his finger, hold it there and say these words to her.

With all my love I give you this ring, an everlasting symbol of the vows that we have made to each other, and as a token of my love.


Love is more than a feeling. It's a commitment.
It's a commitment to work things out, and to resolve the issues;
To communicate when it's hard to, and to forgive each other and start fresh each day.


The Declaration of Marriage: where the marriage commissioner shall say…



John and Jane, you have chosen each other in love and freedom. You have declared your purpose before this gathering, and you have made your pledges one to another.



I, ________________________, by virtue of the powers vested in me by the Marriage Act, do hereby pronounce you __________________________ and ____________________ to be husband and wife (married).

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Post time 2010-2-8 03:18:42 |Display all floors
The modern Ceremony in Ontario Canada!

Marriage Commissioner:

Dear friends, we have come together to witness the marriage of John and Jane and to rejoice with them.
The union of man and woman in heart, body, and mind is intended for their mutual comfort and help, that they may know each other with love, respect, and tenderness.

In marriage, husband and wife give themselves to each other to care for each other in good times and in bad. They are linked to each other's families, and they begin a new life together in the community.



The Marriage Vows

(the couple face each other and join hands)
I John, take you Jane, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish. This is my solemn vow.

I Jane, take you John, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish. This is my solemn vow.


Marriage concept between East and West (women)?

To laugh with you in joy, To grieve with you in sorrow,
To grow with you in love, To be faithful to you alone,
For as long as we both shall live.

West or East concept?...your guess!....no different?...similar idea?...your judgment!

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Post time 2010-2-8 03:35:59 |Display all floors
A standard Christian wedding ceremony



(This non-denomination Christian ceremony takes about 9-17 minutes, depending upon whether you have unity candles, Rose ceremony etc. You may make changes if you wish.)

We are gathered here today to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, to give recognition to the worth and beauty of love, and to add our best wishes to the words which shall unite _______________________ and ______________________ in marriage.

Should there be anyone who has cause why this couple should not be united in marriage, they must speak now or forever hold their peace.

(If the bride is escorted forward)

Who is it that brings this woman to this man?

(The father, children, relative etc. may give the bride away. He /they answer  "I do", "I do on behalf of her family and friends" etc. , This person then steps back and the groom takes the bride's hand.)

____________________ and _______________________ , life is given to each of us as individuals, and yet we must learn to live together. Love is given to us by our family or by our friends. We learn to love by being loved. Learning to love and living together is one of the greatest challenges of life - and is the shared goal of a married life.


"Wedding rings are an outward and visible sign of an inward spiritual grace and the unbroken circle of love, signifying to all the union of this man and this woman in marriage."

(Groom) I _____________, take thee , ________________ to be my Wife. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you forevermore.

(Bride)  I _________________ , take thee _______________, to be my Husband. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise My love to you forevermore.


"Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud.
Love is never haughty or selfish or rude.
Love does not demand it's own way. Love is not irritable or touchy. Love does not hold grudges and will hardly notice when others do it wrong.
Love is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out.
If you love someone, you will be loyal to them no matter what the costs. You will always believe in them, always expect the best in them, and will always stand your ground in defending them."


Dear Heavenly Father, (or "Oh Lord") our hearts are filled with great happiness on________________ and ____________________'s wedding day, as they come before You pledging their hearts and lives to one another. Grant that they may ever be true and loving, living together in such a way as to never bring shame or heartbreak into their marriage. Temper their hearts with kindness and understanding, rid them of all pretense or jealousy. Help them to remember to be each other's sweetheart, helpmate, best friend and guide, so that together they may meet the cares and problems of life more bravely. And with the passage of time, may they find great contentment in the rich joy of senior companionship. May the home they are creating today truly be a place of love and harmony, where Your Spirit is always present. Bless this marriage we pray and walk beside ____________ and ________________ throughout all of their lives together. We ask these things in Jesus name; Amen



For your reference!

Just a few examples among many of the western concepts of a marriage expressed in a marriage ceremony.

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Post time 2010-2-8 03:55:03 |Display all floors
Modern Chinese concept of marriage?...your judgment!


1)不会为了结婚而结婚

  一般人不会为了结婚而结婚,因为他们懂得认真对待自己的终身大事,也不再把自己当成是父母或是其他什么的附庸,他们更具有挑战精神,年龄、世俗或许已经阻不住他们的脚步。


2)如果不幸福,离婚也是一种解脱

  从前,离婚对人来说就是一种毁灭性的打击,一旦结婚,不管婚后生活怎么样,能忍受就忍受,用老人的话说,就是凑合着过日子。但这一切在80后这里,都行不通,他们认真对待婚姻,但更加正视爱情,如果没有爱情,婚姻就难以支撑,对于不幸福的婚姻,他们敢于用离婚来结束。


3)懂爱情的人,对待婚姻,是道德、责任与人的本性的博弈

  可以说,80后这一代人的爱情自觉性是空前的,他们真正地以一个面的方式感觉到了爱情的存在,他们相信爱情是灵与肉的和谐统一,他们敢于坦言自己对爱情有着精神需求和肉体需要,他们执著,也直率。在爱情中,他们尊重人性,尊重人作为自然人的一种本性,但他们也不敢放弃道德底线,不会忘记自己的责任。所以,婚姻问题对他们来说,是道德、责任与人的本性的博弈。

If need for translation, please ask your friends or use translation tool!

Excepts from Sina New Wave Female     

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Post time 2010-2-8 18:30:48 |Display all floors
This is an interesting topic.  

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