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Wednesday, September 02, 2009|
Where to put my heart on?
Last night, I called my mother; I was kind of upset, after I attended the meeting in the company, I went back to my room, I looked around the empty room, and I thought:” that I the room I have lived for more than two years, I can’t see any difference from the first time I just moved on.” So I sat on my bed, sadness from my deep heart, I didn’t know why I was upset, however I called my mother.
I was hoping that I could get some comfort from my mother, however after our conversation, I was so sad that mother was only hoping to get something from me, but not give me any advice to go on with my life.
At my childhood, the family was so poor, I went out and found a job at the age of 17 and support the family, at that time mother hoped that I give the money back to the family, so I did. So the family has enough money to build a house with four floors, but after that I was already 25 years old, only after that mother said I should find a boyfriend.
At that time I was 25 years old, and under her instruction, I didn’t have any experience of dealing with boys, I was so fresh that I suffered some bad things of finding a boyfriend, when I am now already 27 years old, a old girl that still finding her Mr Right, I was so upset that my mother should let me do it before 25 years old.
Through that hardship and so many blind-dates, I doubted of myself and my life, mother also reminded me all the time that I should send money back to her, to support the family, so after the house is built, I still send money back to her.
Finally that I am 27 years old and still on the way of finding Mr Right, but last night I called her, I was more upset from her words.
I bought the house and I am under great debt, I told her maybe that I will find someone that maybe from other place, maybe she would come to my house and take care of my child, if in that case. But I didn’t expect from her is:” You ask me to take care of your child in the future, I may ask money for take care of your baby.” I was shocked after hearing this, I asked her:” Is that I don’t and never have to give you any money? You know that if I calculate from the number, I have given you more money than you spend on me.”
I always think that I can trust my family, and my family is the reason for my hard-working and I will always earn money and support them. But now when I am in trouble, with a great debt from the bank, the family offers me nothing and still keep asking money back from me, why?