Author: Andy99

My Chinese Girlfriend Troubles. [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 1

Post time 2009-1-19 11:04:00 |Display all floors
1 Most of Chinese do not like ShangHai girl ~~ cause they r Snobbish and money cared
2 it is exactly not  a Chinese culture to see bf's parents often ~

bid farewell  to her ~~~

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Post time 2009-1-19 17:30:46 |Display all floors
i registered this usename specially in reply to your post.:)

i'm a native chinese man and have been living in Shanghai for several years. To be honest, i share the same viewpoints with #8's weiguangdong ,  some of  the native girls who born and brought up in shanghai are very snobbish and money cared. From my own experience in dealing with some shanghai's girls when i studied on campus and worked in shanghai,  some girl are arrogant and obviously full of superiority feeling just for they are from shanghai. i'm not intention to depreciate them or speaking ill of them, but if you asked people who are native chinese the impression on shanghai's girls, very likely you'll receive the almost answer just as mine.

of course, not every shanghai girl are snobbish and money cared, some of them also are pretty, lovely, mild, and most of all, being considerate. Unfortunately,  such girls are rare and you just miss the right shanghai girl.

I also went  through the heartbreaking when i bidded to farewell to my girlfriend who are not native shanghai girl two years ago, so i can say i understand your present feeling and suffering,  but just as the chinese old saying goes: "Better a finger off than always aching", you might think over whether she is very care you or love you and then making your decision.

last, Chinese traditional festival --- Spring Festival ia approaching, wish your parents and you have a wonderful holiday, especailly having a nice mood!

[ Last edited by farewell2008 at 2009-1-19 05:35 PM ]

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Rank: 4

Post time 2009-1-19 18:23:25 |Display all floors
Originally posted by stevenmon at 2009-1-18 09:24 PM
This is a gigantic red flag--something is wrong.  I don't think she is being truthful.  But let's say that she is--I don't think there is much of future with someone who avoids your family like the ...

Could not have said it better myself. I didn't read rest of the post adn dont feel I need to. This explains it all dude so just do what ya gotta do.

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2009-1-19 21:56:35 |Display all floors

dont we all HAVE girlfriend boyfriend probmlems...

but why make it a CHINEASE THING...if you're the unlucky or not satisfyin with you've got then go out find yourself another; why so DUM and talk 'bout it without havin real're SOOO pathetic  

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Post time 2009-1-20 12:17:52 |Display all floors
???why my parents never told me that kind of CHINESE CULTURAL?!!!
u r a chinese too.have u ever heard of it?any of ur chinese friend heard of it?i never heard of it.
if u never have sex with each other,then i can understand what she mean by girls can't go to bf's place too often.cuz in CHINESE CULTRAL,a GIRL(means never have sex) should be restrained,so she should not go to her bf's place.
but if it's not like that.......hmmmm........then it would be really confusing.......
again,in CHINESE CULTRAL,go to visit each other's parents means u r willing to have a long term relationship with each other,and maybe marriage.(i guess that's why u wish she could come to ur place more often)maybe she don't want to get too close in case she'll lose her's just "i guess".......doesn't mean anything......
PS:another shanghai girl.......OMG........what's wrong with shanghai girl......there are a lot of NORMAL & ORDINARY shanghai girls.....why always appear to be bad here?!i really hope people can feel better about shanghai,shanghai people and shanghai girl....sigh....

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Post time 2009-1-21 13:40:17 |Display all floors

hello again

Andy99, I think what you have here is not a cultural battle, but a personal one. A clash between individual traits. She is an independent woman and there is nothing wrong with that, but I know the type. Today, she doesn't want to mix with your family, tomorrow, she will frown if you do. Then your friends. You may want to find out how close she is to hers. Some people are just not sociable.

I understand love is a personal thing. You should feel it in your heart. But, when love is present, you shouldn't feel less, which is what she seem to make you feel.

You do not need such motivation. You motivate yourself to win a better woman than her. She is not bad, but she doesn't seem to be your type!!

Personally, I wouldn't go for this type, as where I come from, be it poor or bad, my identity is important to me. My family and friends are important to me. If my love will destroy all those, off she goes!

But, like I said, this is just a personal thing. If you 2 are just having fun, but not serious about marriage or commitment, none of these matter. I just want to make sure, you don't live with the conflict after the marriage that's all.

Good Luck! You've got good head on your shoulders. Think deep and decide the best for yourself.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2009-1-21 19:05:55 |Display all floors
A few points.

1- This is not Chinese culture.
2- People that love each other do not purposely hurt each other. They sacrifice if need be.
3- Love is not enough if the differences are to great or not flexible.

Family values and upbringing are a factor. If she and her family are Native Shanghai people and her family is financially well off she and/or her family may not be able to accept less than what she is used to. In Chinese culture (not so much current generation) the girl becomes part of the mans family.

Not that this is any comfort but, two people from financial backgrounds that are measurably different often have similar problems. This is not limited to any one culture. You can find this almost anywhere. In many cultures girls are expected and raised to marry equal to or above what they come from. Boys are not expected to marry up. In fact most would have to confront their own ego if they this. Some men may feel less self worth (feel like he lost face) if his wife had a higher income than him.

Another possibility is that she is a 'one child policy girl'. It is common knowledge that since the one child policy many of these children were spoiled by their parents, uncles, grand parents and so on. If this is the case then as is common the world over she will never be happy with anyone that cannot give her everything she wants. How does she treat you otherwise? Does she do nice things for you or is she focused on herself?

Anyway from all I see here I can say it is my belief that she will not change. Unless you become financially equal to her expectations your marriage would be one of misery for both of you.

It would probably be best for you both if you ended the relationship now and looked for someone else with a background and values similar to your own. You may find this difficult in a city like Shanghai.

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