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Relationships-Attention seeking(e-c)practice [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2008-3-28 11:58:57 |Display all floors
Attention seeking

Attention seeking is as straightforward as it sounds - it's a simple demand for attention! It sounds simple - but as Ros Taylor shows here, the ways that this over-the-top behaviour manifests itself are many and varied.

  这一概念听起也许直白无误--即:就是要获得注意力! 虽然听起来简单,但是由此采取过激的行为方式正如Ros Taylor在本文指出的是多种多样的。

Types of behaviour

Some examples to clarify are: the man who complains loudly in a restaurant so that everyone will notice; the girl who wears the skimpiest of outfits on a cold winter night; the mother who sighs loudly and crashes the dinner dishes about so that the family will hear that she's a martyr to domesticity; the child who has a tantrum in the supermarket as his mother ignores him for a second to count her change; the teenager who feigns illness to obtain sympathy. The list is endless.

  下面是举几个例子来明确一下: 在餐馆大声抱怨让别人都注意他的男人;冬天穿最暴露衣服的女孩; 大声谈起把碟子打破以让家庭听见她是一位家内的“烈士”的母亲;由于被超市数零钱的母亲忽略片刻而发嗲的孩子;假装生病来获得同情的十来岁的少年;这样的例子数不胜数。

What characterises this behaviour is that it lacks genuineness.It plays to the gallery. There are telltale signs like the sideways glance to see who's looking, the exaggerated body language, the overly projected tone of voice.


We have concentrated on what is visible to the onlooker - but what's going on inside our heads to produce this over-the-top response?


When we indulge in this behaviour it's generally due to a crisis of confidence. The man in the restaurant might feel that he's a very important person in the community but the staff did not treat him with the deference he deserved. He raises his voice because suddenly he believes he is a man of little note. He sees himself through their eyes - an ageing 'has-been' passed over for the top job. To redress the balance he puffs himself up and shouts for attention.


Positive steps to change this behaviour

Knowing that these thoughts are there is an important first stage in overcoming attention-seeking behaviour. They will be negative thoughts like: "I fear that I'm not good enough, everyone here is better than me", or "I'm not attractive, nobody loves me". You can stop the whole process right there and then by challenging these beliefs with: "Of course I'm good, I'm just as good as the next person" or 'I'm attractive and loveable but I do need to be bolder and chat to people," for example.

  要克服注意力寻求的行为第一步是觉察这类的想法。 它们可能是类似以下的消极想法:“我担心我不足够强;每个人都比我强” 或者:“我没有魅力、没人爱” 要停止寻求注意力,你应该从由此打住;开始用例如“当然,我不错,我和谁比都一样好”或“我长得美丽、人可爱,但是需要更大胆和别人聊天”等等诸如此类。

But life is life and perhaps we let these thoughts ferment. All is not lost however. You can recognise the feelings that accompany your thoughts and then take action. If you feel undermined, insecure, ignored or unrewarded then be aware of your particular emotional triggers to attention-seeking behaviour. Go back to thoughts that generated the feeling or simply relax and take some time out to examine what is going on.


Finally, what really works is to talk about how you feel to the person or people causing the problem. The mother who's doing far too much for her family needs to negotiate with them to do more. If she cooks they do the dishes. If not, they may have to fend for themselves. This direct approach is far healthier than acting like a martyr or shouting the odds. At least it provides you with the opportunity of finding a solution.

  最后一点,真正奏效的说出引起这一问题的人(或多人)你的感受如何。 那名为家庭需求付出太多的母亲需要和家人商量让他们多做事。如果她烹饪那么家人要么可以做菜要么他们就要照顾自己。 直接了当的方法要远比烈士或嚷嚷有效。 至少这是一个发现解答的机会。

[ Last edited by hly_2009 at 2008-3-28 12:27 PM ]

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