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Couples end up in sexually unfulfilling marriages for a variety of reasons, says Marty Klein, a licensed marriage counselor and certified sex therapist in Palo Alto, California. One reason, he says, is America's obsession with marriage.|
来自加州Palo Alto的Marty Klein是一位获得许可从业许可证的婚姻咨询师、资质认证的性治疗学家。他说，造成对性生活不满意存在着许多不同的原因。他说，一个是美国人对结婚的情结。
Laura Berman, a Chicago sex therapist and relationship expert, agrees. "We put the blinders on when we're dating," she says. "We focus so much on the wedding, we don't notice the warning signs."
来自芝加哥的性治疗学家和关系专家 Laura Berman同意这个看法。 她说:"在约会的时候，我们会蒙住自己的眼睛。太关注于结婚上了，不会去注意那些警告征兆”
Those who believe passion inevitably fades may downplay the sex factor, picking someone they think would be a good father or a good wife even if they're not an ideal lover, Berman adds.
"I chose her because I thought it would enhance me in some way," Jon says of his wife.
Berman has seen it before: "People choose partners who have the right resume but maybe not the entire package."
Other couples enter into relationships with so-so chemistry because they think they're in love and overlook key differences, says Klein.
Bobbie Jonas, a holistic health practitioner in Calistoga, California, acknowledges she ignored obvious warning signs during her courtship. "I was more interested in a way out from home," she says of her first marriage. Poor communication compounded the effects of weak chemistry. After 10 years, they divorced.
Bobbie Jonas是一位来自加州Calistoga的全身健康医师。她承认自己在求爱时期忽略了显而易见的警告信号。在谈起第一次的婚姻时，她说:"我对主外更感兴趣“。 不良的交流又加剧了”两性作用“的影响。十年后，两人离婚。
"Couples wondering where the sex went should be asking if it was ever really there," says Berman.
That explanation makes sense to Jon. Although he said he and his wife, who live on the West Coast, started off with great chemistry, the cracks in the relationship began to show before they traded rings. After a four-month dry spell during their engagement, his wife brought up the idea of canceling the wedding. "I just really wanted to get married," Jon says. "I felt that it was what I was supposed to do."
Jon看来就是这个情况。虽然他表示自己和妻子一开始化学作用很强，可是在结婚前关系中出现了裂痕。 在订婚后长达四个月枯燥的时间，她妻子提出取消婚姻的想法。 Jon说:"我一心想着结婚；感到那是我应该做的“
Now Jon is having an affair with a woman -- also in a sexually unsatisfying marriage -- for whom he feels intense passion. "I didn't realize the importance of sex," he says.