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Surviving the Breakup Season: How to Mend Your Broken Heart (e-c)practice [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2008-1-4 17:49:08 |Display all floors
Surviving the Breakup Season: How to Mend Your Broken Heart

By Caroline Presno, Ed.D., P.C.C.

分手之后如何修补破碎的心

In late December, we are not only in the midst of the holiday season; we are in the middle of the "breakup season." According to research, more breakups occur at this time than at any other time of year.

  十二月下旬,我们不仅沉浸在节日里,而且还出于“分手季节”中。 有研究显示这段时期出现的“分手”是一年中最多的。

Maybe it's the stress that the holidays can put on us, or maybe it's because your boyfriend gave you fruitcake instead of the silver necklace you wanted for Christmas. Whatever the reason, you're hurting and you want it to stop. Here's how to mend your broken heart.

  也许原因是节日的压力,或许是因为你的男朋友送给你的圣诞礼物是水果蛋糕而不是你期望中的银项链。不论造成分手的原因是什么,你还是在痛苦中,你希望不再痛苦。 下面教你如何来修补破碎的心:


(1)Don't Get Down on Yourself
(1)不要恨自己

After a breakup, people tend to plummet into a pit of low self-esteem and guilt. You are looking for reasons why the relationship ended, and you start obsessing and blaming yourself. "Maybe I was too hard on her for canceling dinner with my parents" or "Maybe I shouldn't have yelled at him when he came home late without calling."

  分手后,人们往往会深深地陷入“低自尊”和"内疚"中去,去给关系结束找原因,开始让自己困惑、自责。“也许是她取消和我父母一起共进晚餐时我对她的态度太严厉了“或者”可能我不该在他晚回家而没打电话时朝他大声嚷嚷“

This kind of negative thinking spirals out of control quickly. You may start feeling you're not attractive enough or funny enough or just plain good enough to be with that person, which isn't true. Sit down. Take a breath. And STOP this negative thinking right now! This isn't to say that you shouldn't reflect on your role in the relationship. Just be kinder to yourself!

  这类消极思维会很快地失去控制。 你也许开始感觉自己不够有美丽或逗趣,或者干脆就是不配和对方在一起--并非这样。坐下。深呼吸。 立即停止做这种消极思考! 并不是说你不应该去对这段关系中的自己做出反思。 只是同时更去善待自己!


(2)Forget About Being Friends
(2)“做朋友?"忘了吧!


Anything that has the word "friend" in it, forget about. "Friends with benefits," "Just friends" -- just say "No."

  忘记任何带”朋友“的东西。 ”有帮助的朋友“,”只是做朋友“--对此都要拒绝。

It's hard to move on when you are still keeping one foot in the past. It's time to rely on your other friends for support and get out there and make new friends. You won't be as quick to accept an invite to a party or call an old high school friend if you are busy with your ex.

  如果你心理还牵挂着一丝过去,那么要继续生活就很难。 该是去依靠你其他朋友来获得支持,走出感情漩涡,结交新朋友的时候了。如果你还忙于思考”老情人”,那么在接受参加派对邀请或打电话联络高中老同学时会让你行动犹豫不决。


(3)Stop Thinking They're "All That"
(3)不要把对方看得“一切都好”


When a relationship is over, it's easier to think of the good times as opposed to the bad times. The annoying habits and bad character traits seem to recede into the background. All you can think about is the great chemistry and the fun Saturday nights you had going out to your fave Italian restaurant together.

  当一段关系结束时,叫人们容易去思考在一起时的美好时光,而不是相反去考虑“不好时光”。 原来那些令人讨厌的习惯和坏脾气似乎都退避三舍。你现在能想到的一切是两人之间的“化学作用”,以及两人以前到周六就去喜爱的意大利餐馆时的快乐。

What you're doing is idealizing the relationship now that it's gone. You're turning it into some blockbuster movie romance when at best it was a B movie with mixed reviews. Start looking at it with more objectivity. Remind yourself of the fights you had and the frustration you felt.

  你这么做是在把那段已经不存在的关系“理想化”。你将它当成那些电影大片中的浪漫,可实际上最多也只是一部有着褒贬不一的“平庸之作“。
请带着更多的客观性来审视。 提醒自己在两人感情中发生过的口角和曾让你你感到的挫折。


(4)Start Dating Again
(4)去再次约会


Post breakup, some people might advise you to work on yourself and forget about the dating scene for a while. And if that's what you feel like doing, no problem. However, this isn't good for everyone and there is nothing wrong with getting back out there sooner rather than later.

  在分手后,有些人也许会建议你去自我调整,先暂时忘记去约会。 如果你真喜欢的话,当然没问题。 不过,这并不是对每个人都有好处。
再次开始约会赶早不赶晚一点也没有什么不好。

Emailing a person you met online or going on a dinner date may be just the thing you need to lift your spirits. Of course, this doesn't mean you should dive into anything right away either. Start by getting your feet wet.

  给在网上认识的人发一封电子邮件或者去赴宴约会也许正是你需要提起精神的事情。当然, 这也不意味着你要马上就全身心投入到任何中去。一开始先一步步尝试。


(5)Never Lose Hope
(5)要保持希望

When you are hurting after a breakup, it's easy to tell yourself, "I'll never meet anyone this fabulous again" or "I'll never find anyone." But the reality is, you WILL meet someone and, eventually, you will wind up in a better relationship. If this one was healthy and meant to be, you wouldn't be broken up. If you maintain hope and don't give into the hurt, you can pursue and find what you are looking for.

  在分手后当你感到痛苦的时候就容易会对自己说:”我再也不去找这么优秀的人了“或”我谁也不会去找了“。可是实际是最终你一定会遇见某人,你会获得一份更好的感情关系。要是原来这段关系是健康的、是”上天注定“的,那么你们也许就根本不会分手。如果你能保持一份能希望,不让痛苦将你吞没,那么你就能去最求并获得你所寻找中的那位。


[ Last edited by hly_2009 at 2008-1-4 06:41 PM ]

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