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Surviving the Breakup Season: How to Mend Your Broken Heart |
By Caroline Presno, Ed.D., P.C.C.
In late December, we are not only in the midst of the holiday season; we are in the middle of the "breakup season." According to research, more breakups occur at this time than at any other time of year.
Maybe it's the stress that the holidays can put on us, or maybe it's because your boyfriend gave you fruitcake instead of the silver necklace you wanted for Christmas. Whatever the reason, you're hurting and you want it to stop. Here's how to mend your broken heart.
(1)Don't Get Down on Yourself
After a breakup, people tend to plummet into a pit of low self-esteem and guilt. You are looking for reasons why the relationship ended, and you start obsessing and blaming yourself. "Maybe I was too hard on her for canceling dinner with my parents" or "Maybe I shouldn't have yelled at him when he came home late without calling."
This kind of negative thinking spirals out of control quickly. You may start feeling you're not attractive enough or funny enough or just plain good enough to be with that person, which isn't true. Sit down. Take a breath. And STOP this negative thinking right now! This isn't to say that you shouldn't reflect on your role in the relationship. Just be kinder to yourself!
这类消极思维会很快地失去控制。 你也许开始感觉自己不够有美丽或逗趣，或者干脆就是不配和对方在一起--并非这样。坐下。深呼吸。 立即停止做这种消极思考！ 并不是说你不应该去对这段关系中的自己做出反思。 只是同时更去善待自己！
(2)Forget About Being Friends
Anything that has the word "friend" in it, forget about. "Friends with benefits," "Just friends" -- just say "No."
It's hard to move on when you are still keeping one foot in the past. It's time to rely on your other friends for support and get out there and make new friends. You won't be as quick to accept an invite to a party or call an old high school friend if you are busy with your ex.
(3)Stop Thinking They're "All That"
When a relationship is over, it's easier to think of the good times as opposed to the bad times. The annoying habits and bad character traits seem to recede into the background. All you can think about is the great chemistry and the fun Saturday nights you had going out to your fave Italian restaurant together.
What you're doing is idealizing the relationship now that it's gone. You're turning it into some blockbuster movie romance when at best it was a B movie with mixed reviews. Start looking at it with more objectivity. Remind yourself of the fights you had and the frustration you felt.
(4)Start Dating Again
Post breakup, some people might advise you to work on yourself and forget about the dating scene for a while. And if that's what you feel like doing, no problem. However, this isn't good for everyone and there is nothing wrong with getting back out there sooner rather than later.
在分手后，有些人也许会建议你去自我调整，先暂时忘记去约会。 如果你真喜欢的话，当然没问题。 不过，这并不是对每个人都有好处。
Emailing a person you met online or going on a dinner date may be just the thing you need to lift your spirits. Of course, this doesn't mean you should dive into anything right away either. Start by getting your feet wet.
(5)Never Lose Hope
When you are hurting after a breakup, it's easy to tell yourself, "I'll never meet anyone this fabulous again" or "I'll never find anyone." But the reality is, you WILL meet someone and, eventually, you will wind up in a better relationship. If this one was healthy and meant to be, you wouldn't be broken up. If you maintain hope and don't give into the hurt, you can pursue and find what you are looking for.
[ Last edited by hly_2009 at 2008-1-4 06:41 PM ]