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How to fail your way to success(e-c)practice [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2008-1-3 11:09:05 |Display all floors
How to fail your way to success
如何"败"向成功
fail.JPG

    * Story Highlights
    * 故事梗概
    * Don't believe failure to be bigger than it is
    * 别把失败看得特了不起
    * Not much you can do about some failures
    * 有些失败是会让人无能为力
    * Some failures can be pathway to success
    * 有些失败是成功的途径
    * Accepting some failures are part of life
    * 接受失败是生活中的一部分

By Martha Beck

(Oprah.com) -- I spent at least half my childhood drawing. By the time I got to college and signed up for my first drawing class, I was pretty comfortable with a pencil. My teacher was a brilliant draftsman named Will Reimann.

  我童年有一半时间在画画。 上大学的时候,我第一次报名画画班。 铅笔对我来说是轻车熟路。我的老师叫做Will Reimann,是一名才华画家。

To impress him, I fired up all my best tricks: lots of varied lines, fade-outs, soft gradients. One day while I was drawing, something landed on my sketch pad. It was a mechanical drafting pen.

  为了给他印象,我使出了浑身解数:各种变换线条、阴暗、弱斜度。有一点,在我画画的时候,写生板上出现了一只机械式画画钢笔、

"Use that from now on," said Mr. Reimann. And he smiled the smile of a man who has hatched an evil plot.

  Reimann说:“从此用它”。 然后,他露出当一个人策划出阴谋的微笑。

Oh, how I hated that damn pen! It drew a stark black line of unvarying thickness, making all my faboo pencil techniques impossible. You'd think my teacher would've been helpful, or at least forgiving. But no. He'd glance at my awkward ink drawings, groan "Oh, God," and walk away holding his head in his hands, like a migraine sufferer. My art grade plummeted. I writhed with frustration.

  哦,我真恨那只钢笔! 由它画出的线条乌黑毫无粗细变换,让我根本没法施展铅笔画技。 你也许认为我的老师会帮助我,或者至少宽容我。但不是那样。他看着我糟糕的由墨水画出的画,低声嚷道:“哦,老天”,然后,双手抱着脑袋走开,就像一个人得了头疼。 我的艺术成绩急剧下跌。我带着沮丧浑身难受地画画。

A few weeks later, as I sat in another class taking notes with the Loathsome Pen of Doom, something happened. Without my intention, my hand started dancing with that horrible pen. Together, they began making odd marks: hatches, overlapping circles, patches of stippling.

  几周后,当我在另外一门课上用我那“作呕的末日钢笔”做笔记时,发生了一个情况。在我没有故意的时候,我的手开始和那只可怕的钢笔跳舞。它们开始一起画出奇怪的符号:”阴影线、重叠的圆圈、由点组成的区域。

The next drawing I completed won a juried art show. "How did you figure out a drafting pen could do this?" one of the judges asked me.

"I failed," I told them. "Over and over again."

  我在接下来完成的绘画赢得了一次评审艺术展。一名裁判问我:“你是怎么想到用一只绘画钢笔来这么画画?”

  我对他们说:“我失败过,一次又一次失败过”

Since then I've had many occasions to celebrate failure, in myself and in others. From my life-coaching seat, I've noticed that the primary difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is that the successful people fail more.

  从那时起,我有许多次为自己及他人的失败进行过庆祝。 现在我是一位生活教练,我发现成功人和不成功人的区别是成功人失败次数更多。

If you see failure as a monster stalking you, or one that has already ruined your life, take another look. That monster can become a benevolent teacher, opening your mind to successes you cannot now imagine.

  如果你将失败当成是一头怪物,它偷偷地跟在你身后、或已经破坏你的生活,再看一次。那头怪物可以成为一位很好的老师,让你思维开放,接受那些现在你连想也想不到的成功。

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Post time 2008-1-3 11:14:14 |Display all floors
The optional agony of defeat
失败中可去选择体验的痛苦


My dog-groomer friend Laura breeds and shows prizewinning poodles. One afternoon she arrived at the off-leash dog park looking thoroughly dejected.

"What's wrong?" I asked her as our pets gamboled about.

  Laura是我的狗的照顾人员,也是我的朋友。她饲养出了而且还展示那些得奖的卷毛狗。 一天下午,她来到去皮帶的狗游乐园,看上去回头丧气。

   ”怎么了“我问.

"Ewok," said Laura, nodding mournfully toward her well-coiffed dog. "He didn't even place at the show yesterday. Didn't ... even ... place! And he just hates to lose!" Her voice was so bitter I winced. "He should have been best in show," she said. "Look at him -- he's perfect!"

  朝着她那条毛发梳理整齐的狗难过地用头指了指,Laura说:“Ewok,昨天连。。。

I looked at Ewok. He looked fine -- but perfect? Who knew? To me, saying a poodle with long legs is better than one with short legs seems absurd. A poodle's a poodle, for heaven's sake.

  我看着Ewok,他看起来不错--但是不是绝佳呢?谁知道?对我来说腿长一些的卷毛狗会比短腿的要优秀这个观点似乎是荒谬的。看在老天的份上, 卷毛狗就是卷毛狗,

I think Ewok would've agreed. He certainly didn't seem to be the one who hated losing. He'd discovered a broken Frisbee, and appeared to be experiencing the sort of rapture Saint Teresa felt when visited by God.

  我想Ewok也会同意。 它一定。。。它会发现了一只破飞盘而似乎体验到某种和圣人特丽莎修女被上帝造访时般的兴高采烈。

Laura's desolation stemmed not from what actually happened at the dog show but from her ideas about success and failure. Lacking such concepts, Ewok was simply enjoying life. Going to dog shows and winning, going to dog shows and losing, going to the park and scavenging -- from Ewok's perspective it was all good.

  Laura的消沉不是因为狗秀上实际发生的一切,而是自己关于成功和失败的想法。 而缺乏这些概念的Ewok那是正简单地享受着生活。

  去狗秀取得胜利、或失败,或去公园寻物,这一切对于Ewok来说都很好。

Meanwhile, Laura's thoughts about losing had tainted all these experiences. Thankfully, she'd managed to avoid a pitfall even worse than failure: success.

"Success is as dangerous as failure," said Lao-tzu, and any life coach knows this is true. I can't count the number of times people have told me, "I hate the job I'm doing, but I'm good at it. To do what I want, I'd have to start at zero and I might fail."

  而,Laura对失败的想法让这一切经历都蒙上阴影。 值得感谢地是,她成功地避免了比失败更糟糕的一样东西:成功。

  “成功和失败一样危险“Lao-tzu曾说过,任何生活教练也会这么砍。 我都记不清有多少次人们告诉我:”我讨厌现在正从事的工作,但是我很在行。 做我希望做的,我要从零开始,而且可能失败“

Dwelling on failure can make us miserable, but dwelling on success can turn us into galley slaves, bound to our wretched benches solely by the thought, I hate this, but at least I'm good at it.

  对失败想个不停让我们感到痛苦,但是对成功想个不停则会让我们成为囚犯,仅仅被一个想法就绑在自己可怜的凳子上,即:我讨厌,但至少我擅长。

This is especially ironic because researchers report that satisfaction thrives on challenge. Think about it: A computer game you can always win is boring; one you can win sometimes, and with considerable effort, is fun.

  而研究者发现人的满意度是源自挑战上就增加了讽刺意味。 想想吧:总能胜利的电脑游戏让你感到无聊;而努力后才时有胜利的游戏很好玩。

With time-killing games, where the stakes are very low, pretty much everyone's willing to risk failure. But when it comes to things we think really matter, like creating a career or raising children, we hunker down, tighten up, and absolutely refuse to fail. Anyway, that's the theory. The reality is, we are going to fail. Then we make things worse by refusing to accept this.

  对于那些消磨时光,而付出”砝码“很低的游戏,几乎人人都愿意去冒着失败的风险玩游戏。但是当有关真正重要的事情上,例如:建立职业或养育儿女,我们就蹲下,就严阵以待,绝对不准失败。不管怎么说,这就是理论。 现实是,我们以后都要失败。那是,我们又拒绝承认,从而把事情变得更糟。


[ Last edited by hly_2009 at 2008-1-3 11:31 AM ]

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Post time 2008-1-3 11:17:48 |Display all floors
Tammy came to me distraught because her 17-year-old son, Jason -- her perfect son, whom she'd raised with perfect love, perfectly following every known rule of perfect motherhood -- had been arrested for public intoxication.

"I've failed," Tammy sobbed. "I've failed Jason; I've failed myself!"

"Yup," I said. "You got that right."

  烦恼的Tammy来找我,因为她17岁的儿子,Jason--完美儿子因为公共醉酒而被捕。她一直都以全心投入的爱、以任何”完美母亲“采用的方法来培养Jason.

  Tammy抽泣着说道:‘我失败了,辜负了Jason;辜负了自己”

  我说:“对,你说的没错”

Tammy stared at me as though I'd slapped her. Clearly, that was not my line. I shrugged. "You've failed a million times, and you've succeeded a million times. Welcome to parenthood. Do you know any mothers who never fail their kids?"

  Tammy大眼盯着我似乎我扇了她一耳光。明显,那是她先说的。 我耸了耸肩:“你失败了无数次也成功了无数次,欢迎来加入’做父母‘的行列,你知道哪位母亲教育孩子时没失败过吗?“

"Sure," Tammy said, nodding. "A lot of my friends at the country club are perfect mothers." She wept even harder. "And they say horrible things about the bad mothers. Now they'll judge me, because Jason ... " She dissolved in sobs.

"Tell me," I said, "do you actually like any of those women?"

  ”当然“Tammy点着头说”县俱乐部的许多母亲都是模范母亲“她呜咽地更厉害:”她们对糟糕母亲言辞激烈,现在轮到评价我了,因为Jason..."她发出了哭泣声。

  我说:“来告诉我,你对这些母亲有好感吗?”

The sobbing stopped abruptly. There was a long moment of silence, and then Tammy seemed to transform before my eyes. She sat up straighter.

"You know, I don't," she said. "I don't really like any of them."

"I believe you," I said. "I don't know your friends, but if I had to live with someone like the person you were a minute ago, I'd start drinking, too."

"I do live with her," said Tammy wryly. "And I'd love a drink."

  哭泣声立刻停止了。 好一段时间的沉默过后,Tammy似乎在我面前换了一个人。她坐直了身子。

  她说:“你知道,我不喜欢,我一个也不喜欢”

  我说:“我相信你,我不认识你的这些朋友,但是,如果我要和刚才一分钟前的生活在一起,我也要开始喝酒”

  Tammy苦涩地说:”要是我确实和那人生活在一起,我的确也爱喝“

"Hear, hear," I said. "So go home and apologize to Jason for imitating mothers you don't even like. Try being real with him -- teenagers love that. Every moment you're real with him, you're succeeding as a mother. Every moment you lose yourself by trying to be perfect, you're failing. And the moment you accept that you're failing, you're succeeding again."

Tammy squinted at me. "You're telling me to accept failure as a mother?"

  我说:”听着,听着,现在回家和Jason道歉,因为你模仿的是连自己也不喜欢的母亲。然后对Jason显露你的本色--青少年都喜欢如此。 只要你一分钟是本色母亲,你就在做一位成功妈妈。

  只要你要做到完美,那就迷失了自我,你就在失败。每次你承认失败,你就会再次成功“

  Tammy眯起眼睛看着我说:”你的意思是说让我做一位接受失败的母亲?“

"Whenever you fail," I said. "Got any other options?"

"Well, no ... but accept failure? As a mother? I can't."

我说:”不论何时失败,还有别的选择吗?“

”好吧,不,要承认失败?身为一位母亲?我办不到“

"Sure you can," I said. "Try this: Think about the fact that you failed to control Jason. Notice how you're all scrunched up, thinking, Oh, no!?"

Tammy nodded.

"Okay, now unscrunch, and instead of saying, 'Oh, no!' say, 'Oh, well ...'"

我说:”当然你能行,试着:想想你已经无法控制Jason了,注意到你又是如何地心碎,想着‘哦,不’ 了吗?“

Tammy点点头

”好的,现在,放下心,然后不想‘哦,不!’,而是‘哦,好吧...’

I beamed at Tammy. She waited for me to go on. I didn't.

  我笑着看着Tammy, 她在等我继续。我没有

Tammy laughed. "I can't believe this," she said. "I came here thinking you could tell me how to fix my son, and the best advice you've got is, 'Oh, well'?"

"Damn. You're right," I said. "I've totally failed you." I took a deep breath, and relaxed. "Oh, well ..."

  Tammy大笑地说”我简直不敢相信“她说”我来着以为你能告诉我如何管教儿子,但是你的最好建议难道是‘哦,好吧..'? "

  我说“对,你一点没错,我完全辜负了你”   
  我做了一下深呼吸,放松地说道“哦,好吧..."

Tammy looked at me for another long minute. Then she said, "Just your saying that makes me trust you."

  Tammy盯着我很长一段时间,然后说:”你这么一说让我信任了你“

This is the magic of accepting that you've done your very best but failed. Own your failure openly, publicly, with genuine regret but absolutely no shame, and you'll reap a harvest of forgiveness, trust, respect, and connection -- the things you thought you'd get by succeeding. Ironic, isn't it?

  这就是承认自己尽力却失败的神奇之处。 坦然公开地拥有失败,真诚地后悔,但绝不去感到羞耻,那么你就能获得巨大的原谅,信任,尊重和感情联系--那些你过去以为只有通过成功才能获得的东西。这难道不算是一个讽刺吗?

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Post time 2008-1-3 11:23:16 |Display all floors
Blasting through attachments
打破重围

I owe my ability to accept maternal failure to my son Adam. Though I bred young, never smoked or drank, ate right, and all that, Adam showed up with an extra chromosome, mentally retarded. Oops. From the word go, I'd failed to make him a successful student, athlete, rocket scientist. In my mind, nothing could compensate for such massive failures.

  我自己获得接受失败的能力还要归功于我的儿子Adam.虽然我很早就生下了Adam.自己也从不吸烟喝酒,饮食正确。可Adam出现了一种额外的染色体,神经痴呆。从单词Go开始,我就无法让他成为学习优秀的学生、运动员或科学家。 在我看来,这些巨大的失败是任何东西都无法弥补。

This was when I discovered that the bigger the perceived problem, the better it delivers failure's great gift: freedom from attachment to ideas about success. A lucky person escapes her enemies. But a really lucky person (as the poet Rumi puts it) "slips into a house to escape enemies, and opens the door to the other world."

This can happen in tiny ways and huge ones. The day my pencil-proficient mind accepted failure and allowed my hand to start dancing with that mechanical pen, a door opened on a new way of drawing.

  那时我就发现自己把问题看得越大,就越好地看到失败带来的”礼物“: 摆脱对任何成功束缚后的自由。 一个幸运的人会逃过她的敌人。但是一个真正幸运的人(例如诗人Rumi的话)”溜进一间屋子逃避敌人后打开了一扇通往另一个世界的大门“

  这些事可以轰轰烈烈也可以微风细雨地发生。 我那一副精通使用铅笔的大脑承认失败,让我的手开始和钢笔翩翩起舞,那么一扇用新方式绘画的大门就打开了。

Accepting that I'd failed to create a "normal" life for my child blasted away much bigger assumptions, bone-deep beliefs like "Successful mothers have smart children" and "My kids should never fail."

  心理接受在为自己孩子创造”正常人“生活上的失败也粉碎了那些更大的看法和原来刻骨铭心的信念。例如:”成功的母亲有聪明的孩子“、”绝对不允许孩子出现失败“

This hurt like a sonovabitch, but when the rubble cleared, I found myself in a world where all judgments of success and failure are arbitrary and insignificant, as ridiculous (no offense) as the American Kennel Club's definition of the "perfect" poodle. Without judgments, it's obvious that joy is available in every moment --and never in anything else.

  这个伤口就像一位恶棍,但当心情障碍去除后,我发现自己身处一个所有的成功和失败都是主观的、都是微不足道的世界里面,就如American Kennel Club对”完美“卷毛狗的定义一样(没有冒犯之意);没有了评判,显然就每一刻都是快乐的--也不会出于其它任何事物中。

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Post time 2008-1-3 11:25:27 |Display all floors
I can see that Tammy gets this. Jason's rebellion becomes a gift as failure does for Tammy what I've seen it do for so many others: soften, mellow, calm, enrich, embolden. The poet Antonio Machado expressed it this way:

  我知道Tammy懂这点。 她儿子Jason的叛逆给Tammy带来的那一份礼物正如失败给与许许多多其它人带来的一样:柔和、成熟、镇定、饱满、勇气。诗人Antonio Machado是这样说的:


Last night as I was sleeping
昨夜睡梦里

I dreamt -- marvelous error! --

我梦见--真是不可思议的错误!--

that I had a beehive

我有一只蜂窝

here inside my heart.

在我心中

And the golden bees

还有金色的蜜蜂

were making white combs

and sweet honey

from my old failures.

在用我过去的失败

在筑起白色的蜂巢

和酿出甜甜的蜂蜜

I can't say I look forward to the failures that await me. But they'll be along in no time, so I feel lucky to know what to do when each one arrives. It will work for you, too. Unscrunch. Exhale. Let go of "Oh, no!" and embrace "Oh, well ... ." Then, whatever door opens, walk through it.

  我不会说自己在盼望那些等待着我的失败。但是它们将很快出现,因我自己知道它们一个一个到来时候如何去做,所以感到幸运。 这对你也能奏效。放下提起的心情,呼气。 放弃”哦,不!“ 拥抱”哦,好吧...“,然后,不论哪扇门开启,去通过那扇门”

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Post time 2008-1-3 11:30:38 |Display all floors
Failing upward
向”前"倒下

By my sophomore year in college, mechanical pens were my favorite drawing instruments. Trial and error (and error, and error) had made me so comfortable with them that they felt like extensions of my hands. Being a masochist and a fool, I signed up for another class from Mr. Reimann. One morning while I was drawing, something landed on my sketch pad. It was a watercolor brush.

  后来到了大二,钢笔成为了我绘画工具的最爱。 不断失败和摸索已经让我用钢笔时得心应手,感觉钢笔似乎就是我双手的延生。这么一个”似乎喜欢被虐的人“和白痴竟然又去选了Reimann的一门课。 在一天早晨,当我在画画的时候,我的画板上又出现了一样东西--一根水彩毛笔。

"Use that from now on," said my teacher. "You'll hate it. You put a mark down on the paper, and half an hour later, it decides what it's going to look like."

I picked up the brush. "You're not going to help me with this, are you?"

  Reimann先生说:”从现在开始用这个,你会讨厌用毛笔,用毛笔画下一笔,画成什么样子,半小时候才能分晓“
  我拿起毛笔说“你不将会帮我用毛笔,是不是?”

"Well, let's put it this way," said Mr. Reimann. "The sooner you make your first 5,000 mistakes, the sooner you'll get on to the next 5,000." And he walked away smiling his evil-plot smile, having arranged yet another dance with failure, inspirer of all uninspired artists, master teacher of all master teachers.

  Reimann说“好吧,这么说吧,如果你犯完第一个5000个错误越早,那么就会越早地去犯第二个5000个错误”带着诡秘的笑容他走开了--他安排好了我与那位一切平庸艺术家的鼓励者、育人大师中的大师--失败之间的又一次一起共舞。


By Martha Beck from "O, The Oprah Magazine," December 2007.

(the end)

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