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Advice Re: Trust for new relationship [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 4

Post time 2007-6-27 19:04:40 |Display all floors
Ok...  Im western white she's chinese. We met on holiday in eu which I know was extremely expencive for her. Apparently she is very inexperienced regarding romance.  We met, things moved fast (we had less than 2 weeks together). During the first meeting we discovered we liked each other and decided to meet again in a month and travel again. During the absentee month I discovered she had travelled somewhere with a male friend.  Although we hadnt really 'committed' and were perhaps not entirely serious at the first meeting  we had gone way beyond normal 'friendship' and we had agreed to meet again so I feel that this was a grave betrayel of my trust. I consider the agreement to meet again as an agreement to see where the relationship goes which is in my mind a form of commitment. I guess I think there are the following possibilities:
1: Naive and inexperienced / not contemplating consequences for me
2: Travel buddy (maybe me too) good for money and then later she decides she likes me or rejected by other
3: Looking for western bf

What do you guys think?

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Post time 2007-6-27 19:13:14 |Display all floors
Originally posted by bachy2 at 2007-6-27 19:04
Ok...  Im western white she's chinese. We met on holiday in eu which I know was extremely expencive for her. Apparently she is very inexperienced regarding romance.  We met, things moved fast (we h ...


Question : how old u and her ?

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Rank: 4

Post time 2007-6-27 19:21:33 |Display all floors

re age

Me 25 she 22..
I feel that she cant lie to me about how she feels now; but that doesn't resolve then. It also raises the questions of motive... Oh hell I might aswell vent all my frustrations and ask questions. For example:

She cried when I first kissed her? (confused :s) apparently she was scared she had feelings for me and that we live very far apart. This was at the first meeting before the other travel friend incident.

I'm with her and a guy who likes her rings up. She says 'I am with a friend' (note not bf although 'we' were official by then) She says it was easier to fend off the unwanted 'pest'  by avoiding him than bluntly saying she has bf?

Doesn't want to acknowledge to parents ( I understand that one now)

See with a standard white girl I would have run for the hills long ago as all the alarm bells are ringing!

I know she was very inexperienced sexually when we first met as nobody can pretend to be that naive unless they really are. I know at the first meeting she was virginal so if this was the case by the second meeting then it would be a very strong trust indication.  Alternatively she may have been just looking to go wild when not under restrictive parents influence. AAAAarrgh I wish I could read minds!

[ Last edited by bachy2 at 2007-6-27 08:14 PM ]

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Rank: 4

Post time 2007-6-27 20:21:34 |Display all floors

Tough One

That's a tough one. Women are hard to read, especially Asian women. However, if you have feelings for her, play it out to the conclusion. Find out if she has feelings for you. The age (22) is a tough age. Women have the luxury of picking and choosing a partner and she may well be playing several suitors against each other. It is not uncommon. It is to find the best one, and she is smart if she is doing that. You can walk away or see if she is interested. In the meantime be polite and see what happens. Good luck to you. Love is something else, what can I say.

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Post time 2007-6-27 21:04:51 |Display all floors
Originally posted by bachy2 at 2007-6-27 19:04
Ok...  Im western white she's chinese. We met on holiday in eu which I know was extremely expencive for her. Apparently she is very inexperienced regarding romance.  We met, things moved fast (we h ...


She has absolute freedom to do whatever she likes...whether you like it or not...if you don't like her behaviors...you don't have to be friend with her...she can change her mind anytime for whatever reasons...maybe she is not the type you are looking for....personally I would not assume anything base on nationality!

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Post time 2007-6-28 12:49:14 |Display all floors
hmm interesting. but no. She does not have absolute freedom. As long as somebody expects you to live to a standard they are obliged to live by the same moral standard. And although I agree with playing several suiters; as far as I'm concerned that ends as soon as one says 'I love you' or some other significant relationship step. Well we'll see what happens. I'm taking a hard line now so will see :).

Actually this has made me realise this girl has turned me into a bumbling idiot and I have just done (re this thread) what I swore I would never do: whinge and run after a girl. I have no problems finding a girlfriend and if they want a guy with real value and high morals then its my way or no way. They wouldn't tolerate the mentioned sort of behavior either but I should? no not happening! If she wants me and its meant to be then she can run after me and explain herself or take her silence and leave.

M

[ Last edited by bachy2 at 2007-6-28 10:54 PM ]

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Post time 2007-7-6 22:57:43 |Display all floors
Originally posted by bachy2 at 2007-6-28 12:49
hmm interesting. but no. She does not have absolute freedom. As long as somebody expects you to live to a standard they are obliged to live by the same moral standard. And although I agree with pla ...



"She does not have absolute freedom. As long as somebody expects you to live to a standard they are obliged to live by the same moral standard."

You have to tell her that ....if she agrees to live by your rules...then you are right...only if she agrees to live by your rules....if she does not want to or choose not to live by your expectations...good luck!:)

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