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Going through the Spring Festival time into the new year in China is like a bride going through the honeymoon of a new marriage, full of excitement, full of happiness, and full of wonderful expectations of the future. But like anything in the world that has a flip side of it, the Spring Festival also has its share of pain and suffering. The pain and suffering of a honeymoon is usually the first fvck. The first fvck of the Spring Festival is without a doubt Chun Wan, the unavoidable, the unshakable and also the unwatchable national cult show that is not immune to the usual pain and suffering associated with the first fvck. For those who will not accept their fate and decide to fight back this painful experience, I have developed the following top 10 list of advice that might be of help to survive the ordeal. In the spirit of the Letterman tradition, let us count down our list: |
10. If Chun Wan is like the first fvck of the honeymoon after all, then have the real first fvck instead, I mean the first fvck of the new year. Do a lot of preparations though, if you want to match Chun Wan’s stamina, as it is notoriously long. Be considerate to your partner, and be considerate to your body as well.
9. For those the unfortunate who can not find a partner, or who can not afford a partner, you can always come to this forum. Man or woman, you can always count on a good conversation with dgateway at least, maybe as good as the real thing.
8. If you find dgateway is not of your type, then curse like a drunken sailor. Spew out the worst in life that you have to offer. I guarantee you, sitting alone in a locked little black room is no worse than having the liberty of watching Chun Wan. Give me not Chun Wan, or give me jail. That is not too bad a new year resolution.
7. If you happen to have no Internet access, then go into a separate room, turn on your MP3 player, and listen to one song only – ABBA’s “Happy New Year.” I am a hardcore ABBA fan for many years dating back to high school days. This song is actually not very happy, but beats Chun Wan hands down.
6. If you are still dragged into the living room by your wife, and have to go through the ordeal with her, bring the MP3 player with you and put on a blue tooth earphone. You know it, play only one song – ABBA’s “Happy New Year.”
5. Going outside is always a good option, albeit the sound of Chun Wan seems to be so ubiquitous everywhere. One place that I guarantee you not meeting a TV is among the homeless. In other words, you have to be homeless to survive Chun Wan.
4. If you are still single, and still have control over your TV set, I suggest watch the movie “Sleepless in Seattle.” Meeting a beautiful woman on Empire State Building on New Year eve is a life time experience. Watch the movie and try to find a romantic radio show that you can call in. Good luck, my friends. Maybe I will see you on Oriental Pearl Tower next New Year.
3. Drinking is always an effective weapon against forced noise. Drink to the point that you can not hear anything. If you are drinking outside, make sure to arrange a ride ahead of the time.
2. Meditate and repent. It does not matter which religion you believe in, it is a good time to count your sins and ask for forgiveness. Watching Chun Wan is a sin as well.
1. Many years ago, a Republican candidate for Texas governorship ruined his campaign by comparing bad weather to rape, and famously said, “if it is inevitable, you might as well just lay back and enjoy it.” After many years of having to go through the Chun Wan experience myself, I sadly come to conclude that Chun Wan is something similar -- if it is inevitable, just lay back and enjoy it.
[ Last edited by dgateway at 2007-2-27 12:00 PM ]