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Stop Looking For Love |
I've been blessed to have two long-term relationships in my life (the second of which I am still in). I found both of these relationships when I had given up and was focused on other things. My experience is that the best way to find love is to stop looking for it.
Well, that's not a very cheerful message for Valentine's Day, is it? Actually, it's more hopeful than it sounds because I have never found desperation - be it in love or work - to yield positive results. On the other hand, surrender has invariably worked for me. The question is how to reach that state of surrender and how to view it in a positive way.
When I say that I surrendered to the fact that I might not find that special someone and stopped looking, it sounds very passive. But I didn't take to my bed, switch on the soaps, and order in pizza. Quite the contrary. Instead, I decided to focus on the activities that were fulfilling to me rather than desperately going on date after date with people I knew in my heart were not right for me.
当我说对: 我可能会找不到特别的那位---这样的"事实"投降,于是停止寻找,听上去很被动.但我不会在床上一倒,打开电视看电视剧, 然后点馅饼充饥. 完全相反地,我会决定把时间花在那些给我充实感觉的事情活动上, 不会一次次去和自己内心清楚不适合自己的人去约会.
Surrender is an active state. When I surrender to not having romance in my life, I open myself up to other kinds of love. When I was single, for example, I had closer friendships than I do now that so much of my attention is focused on my relationship. While those friendships were different than romantic love, they were deeply fulfilling all the same.
投降是一种积极的心态.当对自己生命中所追求的浪漫投降,就给了其它方式的爱情张开了臂膀. 在我单身的时候,比方说把, 就有着比现在已不是单身更加密切的友情,因为现在我太多的注意力都集中在我婚姻关系上.这些友情虽和浪漫爱情不同,但同样能带来深切的满足感.
Likewise, I was able to devote more time to helping other people as a single person. Now that I have both my own family and my in-laws to contend with, life is very full and finding the time necessary to make a difference with volunteer activities is more challenging.
同样,在我单身的时候, 能投入更多的时间来帮助别人. 目前我有了自己家庭和对方家庭要照顾,生活被塞的很满,要找必要时间参加志愿者活动就更加困难.
I had an extremely rich life as a single person. When I accepted the idea that I might remain single, I was also quite happy. My days were filled with work, friends, family, exercise, and spiritual activities. Although I didn't know it at the time, this all probably made me more attractive as a potential mate because I was not operating out of fear; I am simply not at my best walking around thinking, "Oh my God, I'm alone. I'm getting older. I have to find someone."
在我单身的时候,我日子过的很充裕. 所以当我接受我或许还将单身下去的事实,我同样也很高兴. 我的日子都被工作,朋友,家庭,锻炼身体,以及精神活动所占满. 虽然当时没意识到这点,但由于我的表现不是出于将一直担心单身,所以可能是这一切使我看上去更有魅力,成为一个潜在的求爱对象.其实我只不过是不总走来走去不停的想"哦,老天,我孤苦伶仃,不断变老,得要去找个伴"
Some single folks will probably sneer at this advice. "Easy for him to say now that he's found love!" But I can only share what worked for me. When I relaxed and saw what I already had, it became much easier to find what I wanted. In fact, I didn't have to find it - it found me.
一些单身族们可能会嘲笑这个建议. "他找到了爱情,当然说起来轻巧" 的确,我只能分享对我有了效果的方法. 当我使自己放松,看到已拥有的,在去找我喜爱的,就要容易的多 .实际上,我不需去找爱----爱情自己会找上门来
[ Last edited by hly2008 at 2007-2-15 05:23 PM ]