Author: mary_zhang

Should I marry a man who is just broke? [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 4

Post time 2007-1-30 16:31:05 |Display all floors
Hi Mary,

Postpone the marriage.

Before your life gets more complicated, try to understand your boyfriend more in situation like this. Life is full of uncertainty. So, this is your opportunity to see how capable your boyfriend is to overcome HIS problem.

He got into trouble for making "bad decisions". As a consequence, he lost his business and savings. Right now, he's feeling insecure as he's afraid of losing you.

Therefore, try to make him understand that he need to sort out his problems FIRST. Tell him you won't be happy with all the burden of debts and the prospects of bleak future if the problems are not solved. There won't be marital bliss (xin fu) if the both of you have to live under pressure, chased by debt collectors. So, ask him to wait for another year or two while you go through the trying times with him.

If he loves you, he won't sacrifice your happiness with him like that. If he insists, it simply demonstrates his inability to overcome his fear or, he's trying to make you to support his life. A real man is able to overcome his emotion and will take up responsibility by himself. If his heart rules over his mind, then he's just another boy who hasn't grown up. Therefore, he's not fit to be a MAN - the husband of a woman and the leader of the family.

When you're at a crossroad like this one, think for yourself. You need to be clear that you're just trying to protect yourself and you want to know whether he's THE ONE - the man of your life.

Think about it, if he can't save himself, how can he save you? Therefore, if he can't solve his problem now, how can you rely on him to help you in your problem when you married him? Always remember how your parents would want you to live your life. I'm sure they have a dream, just like you - have a happy family.
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Post time 2007-1-30 16:37:22 |Display all floors
Originally posted by admchengho at 2007-1-30 16:31
Hi Mary,

Postpone the marriage.

Therefore, try to make him understand that he need to sort out his problems FIRST. Tell him you won't be happy with all the burden of debts and the prospects of bleak future if the problems are not solved. There won't be marital bliss (xin fu) if the both of you have to live under pressure, chased by debt collectors. So, ask him to wait for another year or two while you go through the trying times with him.

If he loves you, he won't sacrifice your happiness with him like that. If he insists, it simply demonstrates his inability to overcome his fear or, he's trying to make you to support his life. A real man is able to overcome his emotion and will take up responsibility by himself. If his heart rules over his mind, then he's just another boy who hasn't grown up. Therefore, he's not fit to be a MAN - the husband of a woman and the leader of the family. ...


These are the words to notice... I can't say any better than this.

Mary, I think you should consider the words above and take this advice, especially the first sentence.
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Rank: 4

Post time 2007-1-30 16:50:47 |Display all floors

To be frank....

Originally posted by chairman at 2007-1-30 16:21
1. Tell me about how he lost the money..?

2. What does he do for a living..?

3. He is from which province...?

4. Did you mother like him and not your father ( or both ) ?

5. Is he less  ...

He is running a small gift company. Two swindler set a trap for him. One of him presented to be a buyer from a government department in another province, then appeared the supplier from Shenzhen. After my bf remit  payment to the supplier, both of them disappeared. They only send a sample to my bf before it. It is very stupid mistake, right? Too naive to be cheated easily.
We are living in Guangdong.
Both of my mother and father dislike him when they met him for the first time. I am from Northeast of China, and my parents don't like people from South China. Besides, they want me to marry someone with good economic level and they don't want me to leave them far away. I know they are good for me, and love could not be stopped when it happened.  And I don't think money can give me happiness, not even today.
He is 35 years old.  If he is 25 years old, I would worry too much about our future.
He is not gambling and he dislike people who gamble.
If I met him 6 years ago before i even know him, I don't think i would like him. But today, I love him, and it would be painful for me to leave him.
Can I get ur suggestion now??? Thank you  in  advance.

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Post time 2007-1-30 16:54:51 |Display all floors
maybe these hard times will be yr huge fortune when y will look at it many years later...

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Rank: 4

Post time 2007-1-30 17:06:33 |Display all floors

I never calculate my love by fortune

Originally posted by alexangel at 2007-1-30 16:18
Y calculate yr love by fortune...?

I never calculate my love by fortune. .I had many admirers much richer than he, but i never thought about them. I don't think money can give me happiness, actually i never ask him to give me big house, jewelry or anything like this... I just want a simple life, but i don't want to worry about money everyday.

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Post time 2007-1-30 17:13:21 |Display all floors
Mary, I believe that what you want is "security" (an quan gan) and "happiness" (xinfu).

Love and stable life = security. Therefore, love is just part of the emotional needs.
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Post time 2007-1-30 17:34:00 |Display all floors

Thank you for your sincere suggestion

Originally posted by admchengho at 2007-1-30 16:31
Hi Mary,

Postpone the marriage.

Before your life gets more complicated, try to understand your boyfriend more in situation like this. Life is full of uncertainty. So, this is your opportunity ...


Thank you very much for your sincere suggestion.
You tell all the truth, which i should  know but always blind with it.
Yes, I told him I would like to postpone our marriage for at least half a year. I need him to do something to give both of us some confidence for our future. He was shocked for he didn't imagine i would refuse him, and he felt sad but understood me finally.
He never pushed me into marriage before, even though he was more than 30years old. He said he always dreamed to marry me, but he thought I was the best girl and deserved more, so he had to try to do better and gave me better living condition.
I have a very soft heart, so i feel very sorry for him and his parents, coz they love me so much and treat me so nice. I don' t want to be those kind of girl who can only share others' joys but not sorrows.

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