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唐诗新译[原创] [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2006-12-12 22:38:16 |Display all floors
                       山居秋暝

                   王维

               空山新雨后, 天气晚来秋。
               明月松间照, 清泉石上流。
               竹喧归浣女, 莲动下渔舟。
               随意春芳歇, 王孙自可留。



      Autumn Twilight in the Woods

                    By Wang Wei

A shower washed the mountain afresh,
Leaving this autumn eve in quietude.
Moon shines through the pines overhead,
A spring trickles over the pebbles,
Clear and pure.

Whispers escape through the bamboo field,
Lotus leaves shake. Who but the laundry maids,
Who but the boatmen, homeward folks from work.
Spring is gone, but its footsteps linger still,
And here would have lingered many a noble sir.
If winter comes, can spring be frozen ahead?

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Post time 2006-12-12 22:47:05 |Display all floors

wow

Wow! Thats a beautiful poem and the translation reads well. Its very evocative, thanks.
I feel that I must read this poem and the translation carefully, savouring every line and word!!

A couple of (nit-picking)) suggestions, totally off the cuff!

Maybe line 8 can be "Who but the boatmen, homeward bound"

And in line 7, do you think some other words can be substituted for "laundry maids"?
           Because the whole poem is so beautiful, so natural, and suddenly 'laundry maids' seems a bit jarring, conjuring up an image of urban maids in starched white caps and overalls standing next to washing machines!
But this is just my personal instinctive reaction, and I wont try to supply any other formulation to you (which might be more inappropriate!).

Great poem.

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Post time 2006-12-13 09:20:10 |Display all floors
Thank you for your kind suggustions, waibeijng. They are very constructive indeed.
"Homeward bound" is certainly more concise. But, as I've rhymed my poem on the "abab,cdcd" format, the ending word "bound" would break this rhyming structure. ( afresh-overhead, quietude-pure, field-still, work-sir)
As regards "laundry maid", you may be right about its modernistic suggestion. But I just couldn't think of an alternative. Do you have any suggestion?
If winter comes, can spring be frozen ahead?

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Post time 2007-1-15 16:28:40 |Display all floors
Excellent translation!

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Post time 2007-1-15 19:00:44 |Display all floors
beautiful   translation

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Post time 2007-1-15 23:08:19 |Display all floors
woods...(pines....bamboo field)??

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