Author: nyleda

[原创] [poem] with the moonlight [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2006-12-10 18:13:20 |Display all floors
Originally posted by jeff_in_sf at 2006-12-9 19:54

"forgot" → at the time "I" dipped my finger (just before)

If it was "forget" it would sound as if "I" felt the piercing pain and then immediately forgot the water is icy cold.



honestly, i couldn't do it so well if i explained time relation myself.

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Post time 2006-12-10 19:10:22 |Display all floors
Originally posted by seclusive at 2006-12-10 14:15

I'd like to match nyleda's poem with the lyrics as follows, which describes a beautiful and sad love story between a fairy and a mortal being.

i was a bit reluctant to tell the story behind the "matching" song lyrics. but in the end i convinced myself to do it.

before i posted my poem, i hesitated if i should really publish it as a separate work. i prayed: you will not come to reveal its origins no matter how i get these lines of verses. now i know that my life is truly imperfect-- at least at one point in the course, things can happen not as i wished. ^_^

the song lyrics presents more ideas, and moves faster, than i can cope with. it is more like a motion picture than a set of related, but still, ones.  midway in the translation, i knew it would be a mission impossible for me and told myself better to find a new way to go. after a couple of revisions, i settled with the version here on floor #1.

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Post time 2006-12-11 05:18:07 |Display all floors
Originally posted by nyleda at 2006-12-10 02:09 AM
oh jeff! many many thanks! the picture is gorgeous! it is a perfect match for my poem and can't be any better.

Thanks, nyleda! I was inspired by your poem. It took a little time to find just the right photo, with the moon "high" enough, the sky "dark" enough and the water "icy cold" enough. I'm glad you thought it was a "perfect match."

The actual location is Mount Esja in Reykjavik, Iceland, which might not be what you had in mind. :)
Originally posted by seclusive at 2006-12-10 03:28 AM
In my opinion, however, it is true that you've composed or created the poem "with the moonlight", instead of translating the lyrics


Sometimes translations become great works in themselves. Richard Pevear, who with his wife, Larissa Volokhonsky, translated many of Dostoevsky's works, says
Thomas Urquhart's Rabelais, Dryden's Plutarch, Chapman's Homer, Pope's very different Homer, Gavin Douglas's Aeneid, Marlowe's Amores, and perhaps Arthur Golding's Metamorphoses, which Ezra Pound called the most beautiful book in English—these are not 'definitive translations of classic works,' they are works in themselves.

[size=-2]Emphasis added.


Gabriel Garcia Márquez even said that Gregory Rabassa's translation of Márquez's own Cien anos de soledad (One Hundred Years of Solitude) "improved the original." So, maybe you did also, nyleda! Not bad for a "truly imperfect" life…
中文我不会读也不会写。Really, I don't.

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Post time 2006-12-12 23:47:40 |Display all floors

About the moonlight pic.

Originally posted by jeff_in_sf at 2006-12-9 19:54
The picture below answers your first question.

I'll take the liberty of answering the second for nyleda[ ...



Moonlight, the messenger of my homesickness,
When you pour down on me,
My heart wrinkles...
As a stone shot into the evening water,
Its waves goes the direction where I believe
my home is...

(original work)


Pls correct any mistakes, thank you.

[ Last edited by whirlingone at 2006-12-13 12:09 AM ]
Boating on the Houhai River...在后海泛舟...

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Post time 2006-12-13 01:24:39 |Display all floors
Very nice—it also fits the moonlight shot above.

Originally posted by whirlingone at 2006-12-12 07:47 AM
My heart wrinkles...
As a stone shot into the evening water,
Its waves goes the direction where I believe
Maybe "My heart ripples…"

"Its waves goes the direction" → Its waves go in the direction
中文我不会读也不会写。Really, I don't.

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Post time 2006-12-13 19:04:45 |Display all floors
Originally posted by jeff_in_sf at 2006-12-13 01:24
Very nice—it also fits the moonlight shot above.

Maybe "My heart ripples…"

"Its waves goes the direction" → Its waves go ...


The title was'About the moonlight pic.'
So I wrote it according to the pic.
Boating on the Houhai River...在后海泛舟...

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Post time 2006-12-14 12:22:49 |Display all floors
Oh, I thought that might be the case.

"Wrinkles" fits the picture but a heart "wrinkling" is, well, a bit unusual.

Still, in poetry (or literature, generally), one can always use the language in new and unique ways.
中文我不会读也不会写。Really, I don't.

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