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Chinese female mysteries... [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 4

Post time 2006-11-26 21:58:45 |Display all floors
Interesting topic, ain't it? So since you are here, give me a hand, will you? Or some input, advice and observations.

I have a lovely young Chinese girlfriend and we are seriously discussing marriage. It would be my second (I divorced a girl that was an absolute disaster for me). She has only had one boyfriend before me.

I am willing to bequeath to her all my possessions that I have (including a condominium) and to take her abroad for a while although I am not the most well off.
Don't think I am doing this out of foolishness - I am in love with this woman and I am a bit older than she is; I am thinking of HER security and future once I am no longer around. I don't want anything tragic to happen to her so long as it is humanely preventable.

Of course, I will take my precautions: she will get my property at a later stage (in a couple or ro years when I am satisfied that our relationship is remaining in good shape).

Now my oribkenL
She is a little unstable emotionally; I ascribe this to her low level of self-confidence. She has every asset you can imagine in a beautiful and educated woman - but they don't afford her enough self-confidence because her employer often shakes her down in public. She hates her work and her abusive boss, which I can understand.
There is, of course, the not minor aspect of money: she keeps her job because she cannot afford to quit. And I do not want her to be my housewife (she is a degreed and experienced English teacher, and by gosh, her competence in the English language is second to no one's at least here).
Sadly, her job just pays her around 1000 kuai (plus 2 monthly salaries in bonus); she has to pay for her accommodation and food.

So here is the question:
She has begun dropping hints about how poor she is. She went to the extreme of asking me for money too and I am willing to oblige. You see, she spends up to 300 kuai a month on telephone charges (because she calls me every day, and those are long conversations!).
Recently, she had to spend 200 kuai on hospitalisations of her students, money she had to withdraw with her creditcard to pay for those students whose parents will repay her later.
She was then penniless, literally! Not a single kuai in her purse!

So, would you say I should give her a monthly stipend to add to her salary? I was thinking of 300 to 500 kuai.

In her moodiness she can be a little scathing (which I can forgive her); she would say "my former boyfriend allowed me to take his purse and help myself to his money...he never asked for that money to be returned!" I found this a little hard to swallow but under her circumstances...

What is your opinion?

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2006-11-26 22:09:59 |Display all floors
Ok ... first up ...

1 Ah, I thought that 2 different people used your username - so I guess that was you and your gf?

2 How much older is "a bit older"?

3 I am assuming you are a foreigner?

I have some experience of what you are talking about ...
Take me down to the paradise city, where the grass is green and the girls are pretty

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Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2006-11-27 10:27:58 |Display all floors

Hmmmm Sounds like my ex.....

A lot of women are looking for the "big score" and will do and say anything to get it. To test her, liquidate your property into secure access for only you and tell her you no longer have your assets. There will be a scorch mark where she departed from.
    Write up a pre-nup and ask her to sign it....If you have to extract your ink pen from your rectum, then you will have the answer to who and what she really is.

   I liquidated my assets, put a lien on my house and took a low paying job. My ex had nothing to take. You can always buy another house or make more money but if you have to pay for 20 years on her scam, you loose.

   I simply don't trust women anymore. If they are willing to start a relationship on an equal basis then that's OK.

   Don't be stupid. Don't sign over years of work for her gratification. There are better women out there.

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Rank: 1

Post time 2006-11-27 10:42:14 |Display all floors
she's a poor girl, as long as you want to be with her, you need to accept who she is.
and wow, being an english teacher get such a low pay?that's like the lowest pay you could possibly get in this city, and why stay with that abusive boss?
I think you should support and encourage her to get a better job, then problem solve.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2006-11-27 12:10:33 |Display all floors

what a mystery!...

the mystery i find after looking through such a long story you wrote seems to be all about the MONEY thing. But why? well, let's look at it from your gf's view first. She isn't happy with her current job, due to the abusive boss and low pay. That's why she needs your love, in both spiritual and financial ways.If you do love her and let her feel that love, she won't bother to ask for things out of your reach.  But the truth is she doesn't feel secured. In most occasions, it IS the love thing rather than money that is easy to cause the real unsecured feeling for girls.

It sounds that you earn much more money than she does. But you take your money and posessions too serious that  the love between you two becomes a twoway test or interactive money test let's say. You are not sure what she loves, you or your money; and she doesn't feel secured because you don't render her the love she expect from you. pfhhh, what a tricky situation! The only way that can tell is test by money. and you two are losers to money.

p.s. no matter in which city you live in China, I don't think that 300-500 MONEY you are gonna give her as a monthly stipend is a big deal! If that is the maximum money you can help her with, just save it to you youself, cuz one can do nothing with that little money!

[ Last edited by wentong at 2006-11-28 04:43 PM ]

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Rank: 8Rank: 8

Post time 2006-11-27 12:50:47 |Display all floors
Originally posted by coffeemate at 2006-11-26 21:58
Interesting topic, ain't it? So since you are here, give me a hand, will you? Or some input, advice and observations.

I have a lovely young Chinese girlfriend and we are seriously discussing ma ...

Do you need Nestle mate or TeaMATE???
What's on your mind now........ooooooooooooooo la la....Kind Regards

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Rank: 1

Post time 2006-11-28 16:37:17 |Display all floors

No test on love pls~~~

I can't agree more with chiaike~~~
And pls take no test on love, cos it's fragile~~~
I have a friend who is in a similar situation right now, but her bf is really caring for her and gives her a lot of help in terms of money. And just because his being so generous, my friend feels secure and returns all the money back to the man and is trying to look for a better job. But their love becomes much more solid~
If 300-500 is what you are willing to give her, then I can see your love is not actually that much~
I think what she needs most now is your encouragement for her to get a better paid job and help her to establish her self-confidence~~~With her English competence, she can easily find a well paid job for sure~~~

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