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The "rubbish" I posted originally was written tongue-in-cheek, simply to present an alternative opinion. I enjoy playing devil's advocate.|
And I have personally seen the damage done to Chinese women who get stuck in on-again, off-again relationships with foreign guys. Not only does it hurt them personally, but it damages their reputation and relationship with their family and friends. I'd consider it a serious issue, and I DO have issue with foreign guys who come waltzing into China, doing whatever they want with Chinese girls, and then taking off and leaving the girls to handle the fallout all by themselves. I DO consider such guys @ssholes. If they weren't, they'd make more effort to understand the impact they were having on the woman's life.
And I find Chinese women easy to please, IF you understand what their expectations are. It is simple. In ANY situation, if you understand what a person's expectations are, you will be much more able to meet their expectations. If you are consistently failing to "please" them, it is a clear indication that YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THEIR EXPECTATIONS.
Now, if you're a guy who's just looking for no-commitment quickie relationships, then yeah, I'd agree...Chinese women are hard to please. Because most of 'em aren't looking for that (although that is changing somewhat with the younger generation). For most Chinese women, having a boyfriend is supposed to lead inevitably to marriage; if you don't fulfill that expectation, and just want an easy relationship with no commitment, then yeah, you're going to have problems.
When I came to China, yes, I had problems "pleasing" Chinese women. But it wasn't THEIR fault. It was MINE. I'm in their country; it is MY responsibility to make the effort to understand their culture, and adjust my own expectations and methods accordingly.
You said, "I said 'not exactly easy to plaese'. They're not. You know that as well as I do."
Nope. Quite the opposite. I find them quite easy to please now. I have great relationships with my gf, AND my many female Chinese friends. It was difficult for ME to change...but seems rather grossly egocentric to blame THEM for what problems I had originally.
And my motives? Sometimes I like to just stir up the sh*t a little. And...I DO have a thing about foreign guys coming here, not understanding sh*t about the culture, and screwing up Chinese girls' lives. I've seen too many of my female friends here go through these situations. I've seen how it affects their relationships with their families, with their friends. I've seen how it affects their reputation. Long after the foreign guy is gone and forgotten about it, she's still dealing with it.
And too many of those guys have exactly the same attitude as you -- that somehow its the fault of the Chinese women, that they are just "too hard to please". That by some bizarre form of logic, the Chinese women -- living in their OWN country, their OWN culture -- are supposed to do all the changing to "understand" and "accept" the foreigner's point of view; while the foreigner can continue to act however the hell he likes, without any regard to how it is affecting this woman.
Tell ya' what. Try sitting down with Chinese women who've had bad relationships with this kind of guy. Women whose parents consider them sluts because they had sex with a foreign man, who then left them high and dry. Women who now find it almost impossible to find a decent Chinese husband, because almost no Chinese man will marry a woman who's had a sexual relationship with a foreigner. Women who have lost their reputation in their community because they carried on an open relationship with a foreigner, who subsequently dumped them and left them with nothing.
No, not all cross cultural relationships are wrong. I have a great relationship with my gf. I have many friends who have married Chinese women, or have great relationships with their Chinese gfs. But EVERY ONE of these guys has made an effort to understand the impact their relationship has on the woman's life, and to adjust their own expectations and attitudes appropriately.
And not ONE of them, if asked, would agree with your statement that "Chinese women are not easy to please". THEIR women are very pleased. And all it took was a little effort to understand, and to change.