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高手帮我改一下,谢谢 [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2005-10-26 07:44:09 |Display all floors
以后我每天会写一些,希望高手们能帮帮我改一下,谢了。

我在好几篇小说中都提到过一座废弃的古园,实际就是地坛。许多年前旅游业还没有开展,园子荒芜冷落得如同一片野地,很少被人记起。
I ever mentioned a ruined, old-aged garden in some of my novels; actually it is the Earth Altar. Many years ago, the tourism hadn’t developed yet and the garden was of great desolation as if it were a piece of wild place; very few people ever remembered it.  
 地坛离我家很近。或者说我家离地坛很近。总之,只好认为这是缘分。地坛在我出生前四百多年就坐落在那儿了,而自从我的祖母年轻时带着我父亲来到北京,就一直住在离它不远的地方——五十多年间搬过几次家,可搬来搬去总是在它周围,而且是越撤离它越近了。我常觉得这中间有着宿命的味道:仿佛这古园就是为了等我,而历尽沧桑在那儿等待了四百多年。
The Earth Altar is very near to my home, or my home very near to it. In a word, I think it is due to destiny. It has been there for more than four hundred years before my birth, and my family has been located not far from The Earth Altar since my grandmother took my father to Beijing when she was young---we removed many times during the past fifty years, however, every time we located ourselves around the Earth Altar, even nearer to it. I feel there exists something unknown, which was destined years ago, between the Earth Altar and me,-- having experienced for hundred of windy and rainy years ,this old-aged garden has been there just waiting for me.

它等待我出生,然后又等待我活到最狂妄的年龄上忽地残废了双腿。四百多年里,它一面剥蚀了古殿檐头浮夸的琉璃,淡褪了门壁上炫耀的朱红,坍记了一段段高墙又散落了玉砌雕栏,祭坛四周的老柏树愈见苍幽,到处的野草荒藤也都茂盛得自在坦荡。这时候想必我是该来了。十五年前的一个下午,我摇着轮椅进入园中,它为一个失魂落魄的人把一切都准备好了。那时,太阳循着亘古不变的路途正越来越大,也越红。在满园弥漫的沉静光芒中,一个人更容易看到时间,并看见自己的身影。
It has been waiting for my birth, and then for my cripplehood at my most madcap age. In four hundred years, it’s colored glasses of the ancient paradise eaves were wore out, the florid red of the walls and the doors faded, and the high walls and the jade fences ruined one after another; the old cypresses became stronger and stronger and the weeds and the bines grew freely in great prosperity. Then it was time for me to arrive. In an afternoon of fifteen years ago, I went into the garden in chair and it had prepared everything that a man in deep sorrow may need. Then, the sun was becoming bigger and bigger, redder and redder on it’s regular path that never changes. Meditating in the light of the whole garden, the time can easier be seen; and a man can see the shadow of his own.


2005-10-25 21:19

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Post time 2005-10-26 19:15:38 |Display all floors

my god! it's too long!

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Post time 2005-10-26 21:29:03 |Display all floors

你自己才是高手呢!

我简直找不出错误,只有几个疏忽的地方,能否这样改:

In four hundred years, its colored glasses of the ancient paradise eaves were worn out, the florid red of the walls and the doors went faded, and the high walls and the jade fences became ruined one after another; the old cypresses grew stronger and stronger ,and the weeds and the bines rambled in great prosperity.

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Post time 2005-11-3 11:00:16 |Display all floors

在您的基础上,以我的观点稍微做了些改动。大家一起学习吧!

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Post time 2005-11-3 11:06:39 |Display all floors

IMO

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maple2626 has been deleted
Post time 2005-11-3 16:59:11 |Display all floors

IMO

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Post time 2005-11-5 16:06:40 |Display all floors

it is good ! only my ideas ,hope it is helpful

我在好几篇小说中都提到过一座废弃的古园,实际就是地坛。许多年前旅游业还没有开展,园子荒芜冷落得如同一片野地,很少被人记起。
I ever mentioned a ruined, old-aged garden in some of my novels; actually it is the Earth Altar. Many years ago, the tourism hadn’t developed yet and the garden was of great desolation as if it were a piece of wild place; very few people ever remembered it.  
 地坛离我家很近。或者说我家离地坛很近。总之,只好认为这是缘分。地坛在我出生前四百多年就坐落在那儿了,而自从我的祖母年轻时带着我父亲来到北京,就一直住在离它不远的地方——五十多年间搬过几次家,可搬来搬去总是在它周围,而且是越撤离它越近了。我常觉得这中间有着宿命的味道:仿佛这古园就是为了等我,而历尽沧桑在那儿等待了四百多年。
The Earth Altar is very near to my home, or my home is very near to it. In a word, I think (this) it is due to destiny. It has been there for more than four hundred years before my birth, and my family has been located not far from The Earth Altar since my grandmother took my father to Beijing when she(he) was young---we have removed many times during the past fifty years, however, every time we located ourselves around the Earth Altar, even nearer to it. I feel there exists something unknown, which was destined years ago, between the Earth Altar and me,-- having experienced for hundred of windy and rainy years ,this old-aged garden has been there just waiting for me.

它等待我出生,然后又等待我活到最狂妄的年龄上忽地残废了双腿。四百多年里,它一面剥蚀了古殿檐头浮夸的琉璃,淡褪了门壁上炫耀的朱红,坍记了一段段高墙又散落了玉砌雕栏,祭坛四周的老柏树愈见苍幽,到处的野草荒藤也都茂盛得自在坦荡。这时候想必我是该来了。十五年前的一个下午,我摇着轮椅进入园中,它为一个失魂落魄的人把一切都准备好了。那时,太阳循着亘古不变的路途正越来越大,也越红。在满园弥漫的沉静光芒中,一个人更容易看到时间,并看见自己的身影。
It has been waiting for my birth, and then for my cripplehood at my most madcap age. In those four hundred years, it’s colored glasses of the ancient paradise eaves were wore out, the florid red of the walls and the doors faded, and the high walls and the jade fences ruined one after another; the old cypresses became stronger and stronger and the weeds and the bines grew freely in great prosperity. Then it was time for me to arrive. In an afternoon of fifteen years ago, I went into the garden in chair and it had prepared everything that a man in deep sorrow may need. Then, the sun was becoming bigger and bigger, redder and redder on it’s regular path that never changes. Meditating in the light of the whole garden, the time can be easier to be seen (can be seen easily); and (the shadow of the man himself as well) a man can see the shadow of his own.

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