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freebaby seeking your opinion [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 1

Post time 2005-3-29 15:32:59 |Display all floors
hi, I'm a pretty looking 18 year old girl with strict parents.  We don't talk about any sex-related topics at home and my parents will switch TV channels if there are any sex or even kiss scenes.  My parents are over concerned about my safety (sex related) and they are always concerned if I come home after 2100 pm.  Their top concern is that I might have sex with someone and they strictly forbid me having any male friends.

So I have been good but I dream about being free.  One thing terrifies me is that I am shy with guys, I refuse to go out with them, I refuse any body contacts, and I get irritated if a guy touches my hands.  On the other hand, I would love to have boyfriends, many boyfriends and have sex with them, I mean having sex with many male partners at the same time,.  Sometimes I even think that being a prostitute is not that bad because they are free but I don't really know what kind of life prostitutes lead.  I don't know if I am sick or if I just want to revenge on my parents.

Any girls with similar experiences that can give me some insights about my behavior and my wild thoughts?

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-3-29 16:36:28 |Display all floors

freebabe, I'm sorry for you

You are not sick.  Your imaginations about sex is due to over-surpression from your parents.  Once you have your own boyfriend and happy sex life, your imaginations will go away.

Prostitutes are an unlucky group of people, sex is their work, not for pleasure.  They have to have sex with men they don't like, they have to have sex in ways they don't like and sometimes they get good beaten up.  I believe you are an innocent girl and you will never want a life in hell.

I have to encourage you that seeking freedom is courageous and sometimes you will have to pay for it.  Freedom is not only about body, but also about your brain.  If your parents see that you are really grown up, (not only bodily, but more importantly, mentally) they will trust you and will intervene less with your life.

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Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2005-3-29 20:18:45 |Display all floors

freedom is awesome

but prostitutes are not free at all, they are slaves, of their customers and often others who exploit their situation, sometimes their poverty, their adictions, their mistakes, or their illegality. it is not a free life

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-3-29 20:34:34 |Display all floors

So tough for you

Freebaby, I truly empathise with you because I was raised by my grandparents who are old-fashioned.  Your parents must come to realise that you are an adult.  Would you have any chance to talk to them and say that you would like to make more friends including male ones.  Let them know you are not after them for sex and that having friends from different gender and backgrounds will prepare yourself to be a better person and judgement of character.  Let them know that it will only benefit your future choice of partner because you're less naive about men.  However, do be careful.  A male friend who is nice to you make be after one thing (sex) so you have to be wary as well as giving them the chance to prove they are genuine.  Perhaps you could out with a group of female and their male friends.  I had the chance to make a few good platonic male friends who I got along well with and who listened to my problems with strict grandparents who restricted my social life.  

Is there any chance you're able to move out and support yourself or move into shared accommodation with friends?  It might be an option but I don't know what your circumstances are.

What your parents are doing could eventually bring long term damage to yourself.  One extreme is to fear all men (the repressed), and the other is to go wild with them (the rebel)!  The first outcome could backfire on your parents as one day they hope to see you get married.  The second outcome would break their hearts and they probably won't realise it was their own doing...and blame you for being bad whereas they could be the bad parents themselves.

From a sensible 'rebel'

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Rank: 1

Post time 2005-3-29 22:14:58 |Display all floors

thank you very much

I think your advice is very good but I have a few problems.  The first problem is that there have never been any communications about sex with my parents.  The words "men", "friendship with males", "sex" are taboos in my home.  My parents kind of make me understand their concern about my safety (sex related), but they managed to make me clearly understand them without saying the words specifically.  

The extreme situation with me was that my mother never paid attention to my biological status before my first period and now and I feel awkward when she asks me whether it is regular or not.  I have no problem talking with my girl friends about it but with my mother, I can't talk about it.  Also, I hated her when she told my father when I had my period for the first time.  When I physically grew up, I wanted to wear bra as I felt awkward when some men started to pay attention to my breasts.  It took me 1 year to figure out how to tell my mother that I want to wear bras.

Once I tried to move out, my mom made such a scene at home that you won't believe.  She screamed and cried and said that it is morally wrong for girls to move out before they get married.  She said she couldn't face our neighbours and acquaintances if they know that I move out, and she would rather me die than knowing that I am not "pure".

2 years ago when I was 16, there was an event at school and girls were required to wear skirts.  I didn't have one as my mom doesn't allow me to wear skirts.  I told my mom that the school requires us to were skirts, then she found out one of hers and sew the button tighter as her waist is about 20 cm larger than mine.  However it looked ugly on me as the waist was the right size but the hip was way too large.  I managed to modify it myself, and she realized it immediately.  She asked me "why do you want to have tight skirts around your bottom?" "the only reason for your behavior is try to attract men's attention", and "do you want to be a prostitute?"  I felt so bad about it.

I wish I will find a bf immediately and get married asap as I want to leave home!  But I am completely incapable of building relationships with boys.  What can I do?

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-3-29 22:38:34 |Display all floors

Your parents are living in the old ages

It's really bad of your parents to treat you like this - as a simple village girl.  They seem to have lost touch with reality.  Do they really think they can cocoon you forever as their little girl?  They are destroying your happiness.  Whilst you are sheltered and fed under their wing, your mental, emotional and spiritual happiness are at stake.

You will have to try and talk to your mum, whether she likes it or not.  Although you have a fair idea of how she'll react, try to counteract her naive assumptions with what I've suggested.  It would be a heated discussion/argument but it make serve to trigger some thought processes in her.

If you have tried as hard as you can with reasoning with her and she still doesn't understand, you will have to make a drastic decision.  Desperate situations require desperate measures.  You have to fight hard to strive for happiness.

A word of advice.  Don't try hard to look for a boyfriend and move in with him.  You don't want to make a rash decision especially as you mentioned you can't relate to guys.  First establish yourself as your own person.  If you are happy with yourself inside, then you'll be able to reach out to others.  You are still quite young and at 18 I was still emotionally immature.  I thought I would be with my first boyf (I was 19) for life but looking back, he was definitely unsuitable for me, even though he was a nice person.  

Go out, meet people (male and female), enjoy socialising, focus your energies on your studies/work, find your identity and the rest will take care of themselves.  Your mum will find it hard to take with you moving out but it's her loss if she fails to come round eventually.  Live your life sensibly but have lots of smiles and laughter to fill the days.  Your friends will become your extended family if they are true friends.

Hope this makes sense.  If you ever feel like talking, you're welcome to e-mail me on chengamy@hotmail.com

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-3-29 23:31:15 |Display all floors

boy, you are really repressed

Well, it's natural to want what you can't have.  That's just the way it is.  Drinking before I turned 21 (the legal drinking age here in the US) was exciting for me.  But after I turned 21 and can drink legally, it lost some of the old "excitement".  The same goes for sex.  You want it so badly when you are young and when you first start dating someone new, but after you have been with that someone for more than a year, and had done it 130502138 times, it's not as exciting any more.  ^^

My advice.  You are 18 right?  Go to college.  Living on campus.  It was a wonderful experience for me.  I learned, I grew up, I lived and I loved.  Wouldn't trade those days for anything.

Oh, and get rid of that "orgy" and "prostitute" non-sense.  That's just plain silly.  ^.~

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