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random question that popped up in my head [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 4

Post time 2005-3-12 00:06:51 |Display all floors
I just had this random question pop up in my head earlier. So thought I'd post a thread here and see what you guys think.

Well the question is do you wanna be the first man/woman or the last man/woman in the life of another woman/man? I mean first love is always unforgettable and romantic, and it sticks in your mind life long. However first love, in most cases, ends in a failure.  Last love is quite, on the contrary, long lasting and mature. It's like you've been searching for the right person for so long and have reflected so much on what you really need in a relationship that you know exactly what you're looking for and whom you're looking for. Hence, last love is more likely to survive till the end.

So what are you guys' opinions on this?

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Post time 2005-3-12 00:12:07 |Display all floors

Let me try....I am not trying to be funny..

Well, since this is meant to induce deep thinking so i guess it is alright to say that i hope to be neither. Will this (the third choice be acceptale to anyone) be alright?

Just my 5 cents.

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Post time 2005-3-12 10:18:45 |Display all floors

It's alright

Sure it'll be alright, it's your choice. I didn't mean you had to be either of them.

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Post time 2005-3-12 11:36:48 |Display all floors

my first love

hi fragile dream, firstly i want to reply your post then wrote some words as fllowed, but when i finished my writing i found i need some answer about my questions, so i posted into the forum too.

the first love is incredible deep memory in my mind though I had been hurted so much by it! sometimes i don't understand why I always recapture the time we spent together, and think of the guy who made my heartbroken. sometimes i even miss his shoulder his voice, imagine when we could meet again. yet i do know it must be over between our relationship, i can't spend my life time with him. but the fact is i can't help me thinking of him. maybe it is because i haven't find my last lover, haven't met my mr right who will live with me till end. another reason might be it is the first love in my life. he taught me what the lovesick is, what the love feeling is. but one more thing i can't understand why most person's first love failed, why the first love can't last till the end of both couples' life. is it because passion can't last longer, we all need passion, but what passion is?! passion is speed? hot? venture? Passion makes us attracted each other, makes us fall in love so fast, then separate so quickly.
if i love you, i care you everyday everymoment just like my routine duty, i care whether you are warm at a cold night, i care whether you are okay when you feel upset. my routine care is passion, or not? i thought most of us mightnot feel the passion through it at all. so sometimes i am confusing i need passion, as well  as i want to give the passion to some one i like. but i don't know what passion is?! the passion what i need is?! maybe you can tell me the answer about passion.

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Post time 2005-3-12 13:06:29 |Display all floors

good question that you asked

Thanks for replying my post and sharing your story. In response to your question, well I'm no expert on relationship but I'll tell you my perspective.

First, I think the reason why first love always fails is that when we have our first love, we are usually young and naive. We all have our own ideas of what love should be like. But when you find out that you partner thinks differently, you realize that this is not what i expected and hence you can't get along with your partner.  Another reason is that first love is usually fragile and can't survive life tests. So failure is doomed. But there're exceptions of course.

As for passion, yes,we all need it. It comes natural. We have passion for our loved ones at the beginning of the relationship.  We do sweet talk, we exchange promises and are willing to do anything for the other person despite of the result. That's passion. But as it goes on, it gets old. Things become a routine. That's why we need to keep things new and spice up the relationship. In a long-term relationship, however, passion will gradually turn into responsibility. What makes a long-term relationship work is not passion anymore. The passionate love becomes another kind of love, a more mature kind, a more profound kind. It's like you don't consider your loved one just as your lover but  also a family member.  So the routine care is more showing love than showing passion. I agree that passion doesnt last for long, but love does.

You said you wanted to show passion to your loved one. I think you could try doing some crazy things(i.e. dance in the rain, ride bicycles along a beach in the middle of the night) and things he'd like to do with you.  

P.S. don't know what I just said is of any help but that's my perspective at the moment.

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Post time 2005-3-12 14:50:11 |Display all floors

my 2 cents worth

Well said fragiledreams.  Passion is the instinctual portion of love.  It’s what brings a man and woman together, but it can’t keep them together.  Not even the most beautiful woman can keep the fire burning forever.  I’ve been married 5 and half years now.  Passion has largely faded.  As you have pointed out, responsibilities and duties takes over to keep the relationship going.  That’s the rational side of love.  But it’s not to say there aren’t still emotions involved -- the irrational side if you want to call it.  For me, there is a certain sense of fatalism.  Because when I spoke my wedding vow, I meant it.  Then there is the need to be able to look myself in the mirror every morning and be unashamed.  Then there is the vision of our future.  The search for meaning in all that I did, why I carry on despite the pain, suffering and sacrifices.  There’s also the uncertainty.  I don’t know if I can still live without the woman I have grown so use to have beside me.  It’s in the fear of losing all that you have worked for, the life that you have given up.  All of those are a part of love.  The list goes on.  

Long term love is as strange as it is complex.  It’s nothing like the romanticized stuff you dreamed about as a child, or the passion driven romances when we are young.  It’s more like a picture on which the paint never dries, always moving/mixing/changing, beautiful in one way, frightening in another.  Even when you close your eyes, you can’t keep it out, it’s always there, all around you, in everything you do.  That’s why they call it "the love that binds".  It’s both a blessing as well as a curse.

To answer the original question.  Like most people, my first relationship failed.  I was 16 years old then, so it’s no surprise.  It was passionate and uncompromising and unforgettable.  I promised to love and to die for her, and I meant it.  This kind of love is easy to romanticize, but ultimately futile and painful.  My current and last love is overwhelming and complex.  We are happily married.  We love each other dearly, after having seen each other through so much.  But there are times when I can’t free myself from feeling trapped and drowning.  Maybe I just married too young.

Nothing is ever perfect.  If there is a relationship that could choose to live in forever, frozen in time, it would be neither the first nor the last, but my greatest love during college.  Perhaps I’m sentimental or regretful, maybe something looks better once you’ve lost it, but to me, that came closest to being perfect.

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Post time 2005-3-12 21:26:17 |Display all floors

Love that last forever?

Well, long term relation and commitment need passion. Passion fades over time but it can be rekindle. Commitment can be a burden but it can be endured if it takes 2 to shoulder.

Passion needs to be fueled by the chemistry from both parties. Their spirits and bodies must mould together in unison. Only when reel and reality sing in resonance, time stands still and become powerless.

They need a reason for their commitment. Whatever other reasons they have over their time together before death seperates them phisically, they must be have faith and belief to be with each other till death do they part, for good or worst.

It takes 2 hands to clap.

Just my 5 cents worth.

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