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my 2 cents worth
Well said fragiledreams. Passion is the instinctual portion of love. It’s what brings a man and woman together, but it can’t keep them together. Not even the most beautiful woman can keep the fire burning forever. I’ve been married 5 and half years now. Passion has largely faded. As you have pointed out, responsibilities and duties takes over to keep the relationship going. That’s the rational side of love. But it’s not to say there aren’t still emotions involved -- the irrational side if you want to call it. For me, there is a certain sense of fatalism. Because when I spoke my wedding vow, I meant it. Then there is the need to be able to look myself in the mirror every morning and be unashamed. Then there is the vision of our future. The search for meaning in all that I did, why I carry on despite the pain, suffering and sacrifices. There’s also the uncertainty. I don’t know if I can still live without the woman I have grown so use to have beside me. It’s in the fear of losing all that you have worked for, the life that you have given up. All of those are a part of love. The list goes on. |
Long term love is as strange as it is complex. It’s nothing like the romanticized stuff you dreamed about as a child, or the passion driven romances when we are young. It’s more like a picture on which the paint never dries, always moving/mixing/changing, beautiful in one way, frightening in another. Even when you close your eyes, you can’t keep it out, it’s always there, all around you, in everything you do. That’s why they call it "the love that binds". It’s both a blessing as well as a curse.
To answer the original question. Like most people, my first relationship failed. I was 16 years old then, so it’s no surprise. It was passionate and uncompromising and unforgettable. I promised to love and to die for her, and I meant it. This kind of love is easy to romanticize, but ultimately futile and painful. My current and last love is overwhelming and complex. We are happily married. We love each other dearly, after having seen each other through so much. But there are times when I can’t free myself from feeling trapped and drowning. Maybe I just married too young.
Nothing is ever perfect. If there is a relationship that could choose to live in forever, frozen in time, it would be neither the first nor the last, but my greatest love during college. Perhaps I’m sentimental or regretful, maybe something looks better once you’ve lost it, but to me, that came closest to being perfect.