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Part II. Our Company's Website: anyone help me polish it, thanks!!! [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2005-2-1 13:49:05 |Display all floors
“多元化、规模化”的业务模块
XXX游戏开发有限公司将利用自己现有的资源平台,开展网络游戏研发和运营、PS2、XBOX游戏研发、开展针对国内游戏人才的游戏人才培训、开展国际间的动漫合作等。

Business Module – Multi-Modal & Large Scale
XXX Games Development Co. Ltd. will use its existing resources to carry out the research & development, and operation of online games (including PS2 and XBOX games), setting up/openning training programs targeting at domestic games talents, and cooperate with international partners in the fields of cartoons and internet games.

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Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2005-2-1 14:30:03 |Display all floors

grammar

it is a bit confusing for the second half starting from "including." is it an +ing clause? suggest to consider padding "to carry out" with a general subject:
... to carry out the following tasks: ...(parallel phrases)...

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Post time 2005-2-1 14:35:52 |Display all floors

How about this? Much better?

Business Module – Multi-Modal & Large Scale
XXX Games Development Co. Ltd. will use its existing resources  to carry out the research & development, and operation of online games (including PS2 and XBOX games), setting up/openning training programs targeting at domestic games talents, and cooperate with international partners in the fields of cartoons and internet games.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-2-1 15:49:17 |Display all floors

my key

your key:
Business Module – Multi-Modal & Large Scale
XXX Games Development Co. Ltd. will use its existing resources (as a platform) to carry out the research & development, and operation of online games, including the R & D of PS2 and XBOX games, training programs targeting at domestic games talents, and cooperation with international partners in the fields of cartoon and internet games.

mine:
Business Module – Multi-Modal & Large Scale
XXX Games Development Co., Ltd. will use its present resource platform to unfold the R&D and the operation of network games such as  PS2 and XBOX, cultivate domestic game talents and collaborate with international partners in the fields of cartoon and network game.
老实说我觉得原文的表达就很拖沓。

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Post time 2005-2-1 15:56:42 |Display all floors

my question!

对了,我不知道动漫怎么翻译,所以也就不确定你的译法是否正确。
另外carry out 有执行和贯彻的意思,它好像不可以执行培训。
问题是这是一家研发公司,应该是培养人才的摇篮,而不是培训国内人才。
我认为翻译,特别是这种叙述的文字(非科技)的语句,有时翻译可以不拘一格,如果原文本身就很拙劣,不妨多多润色。

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Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2005-2-1 17:06:10 |Display all floors

To icerain:

有道理.  如果我完全按原文来翻译, 会和它一样蹩脚.

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Post time 2005-2-2 11:15:05 |Display all floors

try this!

Business Module – Multi-Modal and Large Scale

XXX Games Development Co. Ltd. will use its existing resources to: 1) develop and operate online games (including PS2 and XBOX games), 2) develop training programs targeted at domestic game players (developers/programmers?), and 3) cooperate with international partners in the fields of cartoons and internet games.

Is the training for players or developers/ designers/ programmers?

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