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Come on guys, give me your advice! [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 1

Post time 2005-1-14 11:48:32 |Display all floors
Yesterday it was my first time to log in this BBS and found out there are some sophisticated thoughts towards human nature, relationship and love etc... Therefore I am really being brave here and let you guys give a diagnosis of my puzzle.

I am one of those overseas returnees with a foreign passport under my belt. I am often told that I am kind, charming, intelligent, full of energy and have nice personalities.  Personally I do think so too - I have an MBA from a reputable university in NA; I am good-looking, into lots of sport activities, with nice smiles and manners; I can carry good and real conversations, can cook well; and besides I have good job in a consulting firm with a good salary, have my own apartment in CBD area ... But all these cannot get me a really decent guy!  

It has been two years since I returned to China and during the period I have been thinking that it is the time to settle down finally in my own country.  But after having looked around, I realized it is really not an easy thing:

1.  No offence to all Chinese guys - my own brothers, but I do have my personal preference towards Caucasians. The reason is that I find it very difficult for Chinese guys especially those who never had living experience out of China to take a smart, sharp and organized girl like me as their girlfriend. And I found white guys normally give more respect and trust to their partners which are really important to me.  But in China, the pool of white guys with good qualities is so small.

2. Most of my clients are foreigners living abroad but the problem is that I don’t believe in long distance relationship at all. Other than that, I don’t hang out in the bars/night clubs often. Therefore there is almost no chance for me to get to know new people in my daily life!

3. I used to look at the online magazine e.g. thatsbeijing, but it turned out a whole bunch of guys looked for ‘discreet fun’!  Obviously we are not looking for the same thing!

I really don't wanna make any compromise towards love, and I don't wana settle down just coz my age clock is ticking.  But I am kinda giving up now.  It is so hard to find my real love, my life partner.

Guys, your input regarding the above is welcome!

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Rank: 1

Post time 2005-1-14 13:09:28 |Display all floors

life is not easy. good luck!

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-1-14 14:10:29 |Display all floors

wow, a tough spot


(a) Agreed, long distance relationships are too dicey.  So any chance of you returning to the state side/canada to work?  Obviously there are more guys of your type to pick from over here.  It's not that bad to live here is it?  :)  You can always return to china at a later date.

(b) how about fellow chinese professionals returning from overseas?  Many would probably share many of values that you believe in.  If you are having dating problems, then it's a good bet you aren't the only one.  Perhaps they have some oversea chinese organization over there that can provide you with opportunities.

(c) Watchful waiting.  People change to adapt to their new environment.  Just as NA changed you, maybe so would a prolonged stay in China.  Also, you'll find one of the good western men if you give it a little more time.

(d) try the universities and the near by hangouts.  I don't know what's your age, and I'm well aware it's a social faux pas to ask.  Either way, you might consider dating one of the students/faculty at the local universities.  They are probably more receptive to an independent woman.

It's a tough spot, sorry to hear that.  Best of luck.

P.S  I initially didn't want to believe that the men from here would behave the way they are over there.  But with several people telling me the same thing, I have to concede that something is wrong with the guys that go to china....  Are you serious?  Soliciting for "discreet fun"?  It's funny how we men aren't even so bold when we are in the states.

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Rank: 1

Post time 2005-1-14 16:31:35 |Display all floors

Thanks for taking the time to write to me

Believe me, I am open to the possibility of chinese guys before.  And actually deep in my heard I used to think my destiny would be with a guy who carries all chinese traditional and cultural roots.  But my personal experience just wiped that all out.   Maybe just I was not that lucky?

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-1-14 16:46:39 |Display all floors


it happens

just waiting,even if the process is tough.

take it easy


wish you luck anyway

forrest gump

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-1-14 17:07:51 |Display all floors

Change your mindset

I think you are too absorbed with yourself, your achievements and your advantages, which blinds your eyesight to find real love.

I am sure you can not find a man, who matches your every criteria. Love sometimes is irrational and marriage is not a transaction and does not need exchange of equal values.

From your post I can feel a sense of superiority, maybe it is just the sense of superiority that frightens excellent men away from you.

By the way, most men do not like too smart women, either he is an Asian male or of other races.  This does not mean they like to dominate women. Another reason is that your are a cool-minded girl, as these type of people are not easily moved by others and do not easily fall in love.  Remember the old saying: love is blind.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-1-14 20:38:28 |Display all floors

Life is as plain as day!

Break anything pressing your chest! Come up for all fresh air outside! It's not  any compromise, it's truely one fatal self-challenge!!!

Youngth is meant falling time to time again, and ever stand up more stably! To take a venture to the new world before you, and I highly trust you, will have no question as is aforesaid

Don't live like prude!!! You deserved more!!!

Go for it, not just live in hope!!! Good luck!

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