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here is some advice hopfully can help you.
First of all, I want to say I do feel sympathetic to your situation. I have similar experience with yours. I went abroad to study at my early 20's. I have lived & work in the west for more than 10 years. Now I am planning to relocate back to China out of my choice of career. Last year I went back to China for about 2 months to look for jobs. So I think I can understand the things you have been through. |
I read some of the post earlier. One thing I disagree mostly is that we are here to help. We are no place to judge others here. SO greenpappaya, I really hope what I look at this matter will help you out.
First, you need to understand who you are. You are a Chinese woman with strong western influence. You spent the most precious period of your youth in the west. Those influences will definitely in the way of your pursue of regular Chinese man. But at the some time you are also a local Chinese who lives & works in China. That again has disadvantages if you want to settle down with a Caucasian man in China. Plus, according to what you describe yourself, you are an excellent woman with good qualities. That even makes your case more unique. Because there are simply not so many regular Chinese guys in China can match up with you. Maybe you don't feel that way while you lived in the west because all your good qualities were not so remarkable in the western society. But when you are in China, they just shine. & I guess that is a main reason you decided to go back to China.
When the supply is rare, you just need to look & try harder. Maybe, try to relax yourself. Just try to be slightly not so remarkable. So that others won't be blind by your glare when they see you. Also by humbling yourself, you will soon find more good qualities of others. If you do want to find regular Chinese guys, you have to look over the fact they are regular. They don't have the experience of the west like you do. Asking a person to understand a culture which they have no experience of right at front is a bit too much in my opinion. Also I don't think it is relevant to a man's quality as a good husband & life partner. I do believe there are good regular Chinese guy out there for you. You just need to try harder to be not so high up there. We need to learn from the lesson of American women. Because they are so sharp, so spoiled, so demanding, they lost lots of good American men to the loving tender eastern women.
Second, if you are exhaust all the options with Chinese guy. I don't think it is anything wrong to look for a western guy. In the end, you went abroad & studied there. That shows you are inclined to western culture. I am not so familiar with how the western society is in China. But I can imagine they can fall into a few categories.
One is they are very curious about the east, especially Chinese women. They have certain romantic, mysterious, & exotic view of the eastern women. By being in China, they can have endless supply of that. I don’t think that is a good crowd to look for sole mate.
Two is expats who work in China. I think that might be a group more suites you. But according to what you said earlier, you seem to have reservation of developing relationship with those, because of the fear of long distance relationship. My opinion is if those you met have no intention to relocate to China (either not willing or their jobs not permit to), they are probably not for you. But if you simply afraid that will happen & stop yourself go further to find out whether it is the case, it is not a good idea. Because love can make anything happen.
All in all, I think you need to recognize it is not easy to find love, especially for someone as special as you. Every step of a woman in China trying to be a better person life wise or career wise, there will be less comparable men out there to be your level. This situation in the west probably is not an issue. But you are in China now. Don’t expect the same like the western world there. Same applies to the western guys in China too. Also you need to broader your socially group. I just don’t think anything wrong to dress up nice to go to bars with your equally nice looking girl friends. Being well educated & career orientated sophisticated lady doesn’t mean that we can’t be drop dead gorgeous as well. Greenpappaya, trust me, you are drop dead gorgeous & others can see it. Just give them & yourself a chance.