Author: greenpappaya

Come on guys, give me your advice! [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 1

Post time 2005-11-13 18:55:20 |Display all floors

well i hope i can help

hey there

well i realise your problem and its not all thats ur doing wrong maybe its just that the difference in culture and lifestyles are different and you need to be more willing tomeet just anyone really, i must say you have the upper hand in this since you been abroad u know wat guys like and wat u look for in a guy but here in china it seems to be different bcz they arent as expossed as the rest of the western world is so u gotta find somone who is compatable with u and dont be getting your hopes high there very few guys here with such calibres but as it is now just broaden your options then get back to me i will let you know wat it takes to get that guy ur looking for trust

thepunk at ur service

till then take care

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-11-14 16:27:57 |Display all floors

Attitude is everything!

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Rank: 1

Post time 2005-11-19 19:32:37 |Display all floors

challenging the presumptions and attitudes underlying greenpappaya’s supposed d

I am going to chime in and join the chorus of voices challenging the presumptions and attitudes underlying greenpappaya’s supposed dilemma.  She starts by saying “no offence [sic]”, but then proceeds to offend.  She refers to Chinese men as “my brothers” (i.e. asexual), and then draws racist and sexist lines between herself and Chinese men.  

Having written off half of her country, she then sniffs that she can’t find a suitable mate up to her “standard.”  She makes a point of mentioning she has a foreign passport, is good looking, smart, independent, as if only white males like these qualities.  She does everything to portray herself as having everything a white woman could offer, packed in a yellow body, then wonders why she can’t catch a “really decent [and white!] guy."

What is wrong with this picture?

Greenpappaya is the flip side of the same coin minted by that group of white men who have a “thing” about Asian women.  Scan these bulletin boards and blogs, and you see countless missives from white males portraying themselves as great guys with qualities Chinese women naturally prefer over Chinese men.  Each such guy insists that he is more magnanimous, more kind and caring, more accommodating, more engaging and gregarious, more handsome, more “trusting” and “respectful” and more. . . man, than an entire race of Chinese men.  They brand all Chinese men as less caring, less generous, less . . .everything.  At the same time, when challenged by Chinese men whose English is not as good as theirs, they make fun of both their English and their manhood.  Virtually none of the white guys’ messages are written in Chinese.  More base, less noble motivations such as money or green cards apparently never crossed their minds.

Now we see that Chinese women like Greenpappaya are parroting these same disparagements of their own race.  Hers is a condemnation of an entire race of men.  She doesn’t condemn one love affair gone bad.  Nor does she just write off all men.  She’s written off all “Chinese men.”  And in the process, she elevates Chinese women above Chinese men.
Who buys into all of this nonsense?  Who can objectively believe that when it comes to personal qualities and integrity, white men are more respectful and trustful than Chinese men?  That Chinese women as a whole are more respectful and trustful than Chinese men?  That the Chinese race, men and women, are any worse, or better, than white people, including white men?

The Greenpappayas who have a “thing” about white men, simply feed the racist desires of those white men who have a “thing” about Asian women.

Greenpappaya is careful to rationalize her preference as being based on thoughtful observations of human traits.  She tries to appear that her categorical attraction to white guys is not racism, but because white guys in general “respect” and “trust” Chinese women more than Chinese guys.  But when she acknowledges the existence of white guys looking for “discreet fun” in Beijing, even though they are clearly philanderers (what else is “discreet” fun?), somehow she doesn’t tar them with the same brush of lacking “trust” and “respect” for Chinese women.  Instead, she is just pleasantly amused. Boys will be boys, but only if they are white.

The greenpappayas aren’t bothered by such hypocrisy, intellectual dishonesty or double standards.  After all, this is about their feelings, their “Love”.

But racism and self-hate are also feelings.  How does she look at herself in the mirror?  Can she honestly believe that the racial slurs aimed at Chinese men: slant-eyed, hairless, weak and submissive, don’t apply to her equally?  

Yes, submissiveness.  Greenpappaya assiduously avoids all mention of it as a component of a relationship with a white man.  But whether she admits it or not, the perception exists by that group of white males that Chinese women are more submissive than their white counterparts.  How else can she explain their racial preference over their own kind?  Because she is more independent than white women?  More opinionated?   Because of, as Greenpappaya boasts, being “smarter, sharper and more organized” than white women?  She is kidding yourself.

While no one seems to want to discuss it, closely tied is the racist nature of sexual fantasy underlying these stated preferences.  On the part of the Chinese women as well as these white guys.  Those same epithets of being slant-eyed, hairless, weak and submissive, slurs to Chinese men, somehow become sexual fantasy when applied to Chinese women.  But Greenpappaya apparently doesn’t mind being looked at that way, so long as it is in a sexual, exotic manner.

But does Greenpappaya really think this one out?  What happens when you strip away the veneer of these sex fantasies?  It will happen, either with age or divorce.  If you don’t think racism is a component underlying these relationships, just wait till you see when these couples divorce in the States.  I have.  The Chinese woman almost always is the first to play the racism card in complaining about his treatment of her, or about the system being geared against her.

As others have noted, there is a sense of selfishness in Greenpappaya’s presentation.  I would add that she exhibits immaturity.  She lacks a sense of spirituality, of something larger than her world.  Instead she is full of herself and her material things; an MBA, earning power and a healthy salary, her real estate portfolio.  A white guy is one more material thing to acquire.  

Her preference for white males is much like her consumer preferences: she prefers “imports” over the “domestic brands” when it comes to men.  Even though she has an MBA, she fails to appreciate that in her fast-changing country, China’s domestic brands, including men with or without overseas experience, have every bit the quality of an import.  Those of us who have MBAs, as well as more advanced degrees, from top schools, know that the MBA is no substitute for wisdom and judgment.  他小聪明。

She ignores her own hypocrisy of returning home to China because  opportunities for her are much better here than in North America, as compared to the racial and sexual barriers in corporate America put up by those very same white male MBAs she is so ga-ga about.

Unfortunately, no matter how much she tries to make the case she won’t change until the entire race of Chinese men become more “respectful” and “trusting”, that isn’t the solution.  The genesis of the problem, and its solution, lies with the perceptions by such women and their failure to self-critique such views and challenge their weaknesses.  Greenpappaya never admits to it, but had she not been able to obtain one based on merit, does anyone doubt she would marry a foreigner so she could boast, as she does, that she has a foreign passport?  

We don’t know all of her innermost thoughts, but having drawn such flimsy racial stereotypes about the men of her own race without basis, one has to wonder whether lack of self-esteem has contributed to her self-deprecating views about her own race.  他看不起他自己?

Why aren’t the greenpappayas challenging these obviously racial attacks on their own?  Why do they criticize the high rate of divorce in the U.S., yet in the same breath fantasize about how more “trusting” and “respectful” white men are?  Why don’t their repeated practice of double standards and hypocrisy offend some sense of intellectual integrity, ethics, morality or spirituality?  

She worries about “compromising love”, but why in God’s name (any god) would anyone want to enter a marriage based on racial stereotypes?

There is a public policy aspect to every individual’s choice.  That is no less true for issues like environmental protection, as it is for selecting a mate.  When you add up all the greenpappayas, the problem is undeniable, especially in a country in which a shortage of women vis a vis men is projected to become acute within a couple of decades.  One cannot deny the corrosiveness dynamic of females disparaging males of their own race.

Frankly, beyond sex, I haven’t found that much difference between men and women in China.  I have found some persons to be of quality character, including those qualities she claims are missing from Chinese men.  I also find there are persons who are louts and cheats.  And I do mean persons, female as well as male.  If she is to call Chinese men less than “respectful” and “trusting”, then she has to call Chinese women the same.  Greenpappaya should realize that, in a way a white guy will never understand, the same qualities she complains about Chinese men, exist in Chinese women as well.  In the things that really matter in choosing a partner over a lifetime, there is more harmony than difference between Chinese men and Chinese women.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-11-19 21:11:25 |Display all floors

forget the stupid losers!

You sound like a perfect woman, there is nothing wrong with your views and goals. When you have goals and know what you want, it is difficult to tolerate those who do not. I believe you have just not the good fortune to meet the right man. It is an accident usually, not matter how you might try. My suggestion is to join a club or business group that interests you, it can be a great way to meet people like yourself. But the main thing is to be positive about yourself. Negative thoughts about oneself will not attract what you seek.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-11-19 21:24:39 |Display all floors

the easiest answers

''You sound like a perfect woman, there is nothing wrong with your views and goals. When you have goals and know what you want, it is difficult to tolerate those who do not. I believe you have just not the good fortune to meet the right man. '''

sorry, just the opposite.
1. the more perfect you sound, the more defects you may have.
2. When you have goals and know what you want, you tend to be more perfect, thus you find it easier to tolerate those who do not because you have begun to realise who you are and what a world you are living in.
3. If you rely on a fortune, then you lack some ability. That's why you always hear people say they don't have the fortune.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-11-20 19:28:51 |Display all floors

loveseneca- ???

1- no one is perfect, but each can be the right person for someone else
2- if you are goal oriented, then you tend to form friendships and relationships with other people who are goal oriented. People who have goals are no better than those who do not, just on another  track. A person with goals who attempts a long term relationship with someone who does not, usually finds frustration and discord.
3- If we could use some ability to choose a mate, it would be much easier. But no, we are fickle. The best thing you can do is put yourself in a position to meet somone. The best place to start is by interests. No point looking at football matches, if you hate the sport.

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