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What does chastity mean to girls [Copy link] 中文

Rank: 1

Post time 2005-1-3 13:55:33 |Display all floors
Hi, I am a university student. I have a foreing bf. We have been in love for about 8 months. He is a very good man, cares me and loves me deep.
But one thing worries me, recently he often asks me for love. As I am a traditional girl and not graduated yet, I sincerely love him, but really not sure about our future.
And I never expect to have sex before marriage, so I refused. My bf gets upset and unhappy sometimes and asks me: " What should a man do when he is in love with a girl? I expect everything from my girlfriend and want to be loyal to her, am I wrong to do that? Love is sacrifice, is trust."
I sincerely do not want sex, but I think I do will soon.
Could you all kindly give me some advices on what chastity mean to girls, and what will follow if I tried the first time? What is most important for girls? Shall we trust men?

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-1-3 14:03:33 |Display all floors

Chastity

Everyone is different. Some girls wait to have sex after marriage, other girls have sex before marriage. Both are fine but it is what YOU want that matters.

If your boyfriend loves you, he will respect your wish to wait until after marriage. It is your body, do what YOU think is right.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-1-3 14:14:20 |Display all floors

don't do anything u don't want to do

I agree that you should do what's best for you and not him. If you'd regret having sex before you're married then you shouldn't do it. You should never give away more than you can afford to lose.

For insight into his view, in the West premarital sex doesn't have the same kind of stigma attached to it. You're not a bad girl if you have sex before you're married, your parents won't be mad at you and your peers or future boyfriends will not reject you. Alot of couples use sex as way to express love for each other and to feel connected to each other. He may not understand why you want to wait because in his culture people don't wait unless they're religious so he may interpret it as a rejection of him or that you don't actually care for him as much as you say you do.

It's just cultural differences.

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Rank: 1

Post time 2005-1-3 15:49:40 |Display all floors

It's a dilema

It's a tough question.
If he really loves you, how can you convince him you have the same love for him while you refuse to give what he asks for? Surely he will be unhappy.
It's true many couples express love by intimate touch. But if he just pretend to love you, girl, can you afford to do what he asks?
Difficult situation for girls forever.
Regards.

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Rank: 6Rank: 6

Post time 2005-1-3 17:33:28 |Display all floors

Ask your parents

Soniye, the western culture would emphasise individualism in general so  the advice is to do what you feel is right. In the west, this is OK as people are brought up that way. However, you are in China and what you do will affect not only yourself but many other people related to you now and in the future. You have to consider very carefully before giving in to him. If a man truly loves a woman, he will do what she wishes. That also means he is able to discipline himself and not think with his dick only. If he is able to discipline himself, he is less likely to fool around later when he is married with you or somebody else. You are still young so you need a lot of guidance. Get your guidance from people who truly love you--your parents.

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Rank: 4

Post time 2005-1-3 19:49:02 |Display all floors

be careful

Hi,
I know what this must be like for you as I spent 5 years in China. I am a western man and I know of many cases like yours. In my case, i married my Chinese girlfriend two years ago and we are living happily in Europe.
Here is some advice:
(1) If you don't want to have sex, dont do it.
(2) Make sure you know about all the risks before you make a decision. Sex can spread disease and you must always insist on condoms.
(3) If, as you say, you think you might want to have sex soon but not now, then tell this to your boyfriend. In the meantime, there are other forms of sexual pleasure that you may want to consider.
(4) Don't sleep with him until you are sure that he loves you. Chinese girls suffer badly if it doesnt work out because the virginity issue matters a lot for some.
(5) Don't make the classic Chinese female mistake of assuming that the boy knows what you are feeling, eventhough you have said nothing. This is not hua yang nian hua. Communicate openly and freely: Let him know how you feel and find out how he feels. Find out if he is sincere and do nothing until you are sure.
(6) Remember that sex, for some foreign men, does not mean a marriage proposal.
(7) How long will he stay in China? Would you move abroad?

It all depends on the kind of relationship you have. Let us know more about the relationship, and maybe we can say something more specific.

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Rank: 1

Post time 2005-1-3 20:53:08 |Display all floors

Thank you for all

Thanks a lot my dear friends.
Here I want to add more information about our relationship.
Well, he is not from Western countries, he is from India. He proposed to me long ago. He is a very easy-going and kind man. He is also very smart and romantic. He is a businessman and most of the time stay in China. He is popular everywhere, and many girls follow him. But I can only explain it is destiny that we choose each other. I can know his love when he looks at me and hugs me. That's why I doubt if I have been too selfish and don't act as people in love will do.

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