Author: DSseeing

Is it wrong not to have a child all one life?     [Copy link] 中文

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Post time 2014-7-20 14:50:31 |Display all floors
gooddog Post time: 2014-7-19 00:25
Read your message again! You can't understand your own writing.

I read what I type, you either have problems with the Queens English, or you are taking me out of contex.  My guess the latter.

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Post time 2014-7-20 16:13:26 |Display all floors
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Post time 2014-7-21 14:20:51 |Display all floors
gooddog Post time: 2014-7-20 16:13
Do you mean.... your Tagalog English?

I use a comber nation of two English languages, you never knew that did you?

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Post time 2014-7-21 15:52:38 |Display all floors
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Post time 2014-7-22 14:21:20 |Display all floors
You will find there are many good reasons to not have one child, for example, such as that you will not nesscessarily spend much time taking care of them? and you can fully enjoy your income with your husband all the time. But the bad part especially in china, is probably that you won't have someone to look after you when you become dependent.

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Post time 2014-8-25 09:24:32 |Display all floors
As long as it's consistent with your own unique personal nature, then it is absolutely not wrong at all to never want kids.

I'm assuming that 10 to 15 percent of the human population (of both males and females) simply wasn't born with the natural instinct to ever desire children.

Expecting people who don't have a natural instinct to have have like expecting gays and lesbians to marry someone of the opposite sex. And believing that people without a natural desire to have kids will somehow "regret it" later in like believing that someone who's gay will somehow "regret" being gay.

You can't expect a stone not to be a stone. You can't put yourself into someone else's shoes with your brain chemistry and not his, and expect him or her to think, feel, and do things in the way you would.

Some people who never want kids will "change their mind," you say? Well, guess what: some parents also wish they'd never had kids! So this equation works both ways. But there's one difference: once you've had children, you can't "change your mind" and "unhave" the kids. So if you're undecided, it's better to be safe than sorry.

How do you decide whether to have kids or not? Make two lists. The first one is a list of the intangible things you would gain by raising children. Examples would include joy, satisfaction, inspiration, respect from others, etc. The second list would contain the intangible things you would give up by raising kids. Examples of these would be time, energy, money, less stress, spontaneity, certain goals and activities, extra sleep, and freedom.

Next, compare the two sides. If you value the things on the first list more than the second, then raising children could be emotionally profitable for you, and you should do it. But if you value the items on the second list more than the first, then raising kids might not be emotionally profitable for you, and you should pursue other things with your life, instead.

(Emotionally profitable = valuing the positive feelings you receive from an activity, relationship, etc.,  and valuing those feelings more than the time, energy, money, and other activities you've given up to make it possible.)

If everyone did the wise thing and made those two lists before deciding whether or not to ever have children, then my guess is that 85 percent of people would wisely choose to have kids, and 15 percent would wisely choose not to. Most people with maternal/paternal instincts probably would have kids, and most others without those procreation instincts probably would not.

But what about your parents? What if they expect you to "give them grandchildren," and you don't have any natural desire to ever have kids?

First, if your parents seem intolerant of people who aren't traditional, then make sure that you have your own place to live and are fully supporting yourself financially before you tell them you never want children.

Second, as an adult child of theirs, tell them you'd like to have a relationship with them that's based upon mutual respect, mutual understanding, and mutual benefit. (You also could share this awesome article with them to help make your point.) Tell them you reject some aspects of traditional filial piety, such as the barbaric notion of "infinite debt bestowed upon your shoulders before you were born." Tell them that you find such a notion to be the blatant equivalent of slavery, and that you won't stand for it. Tell them that their choice to give birth to you was their investment and their risk of it not panning out the way they wanted, and was not your risk. Tell them that, while family is important to you, that your own physical and mental health, your integrity, and your sense of inspiration are even more important, and that those latter three values will get first priority in your life.

If your parents react to this with tolerance (or with reluctant acceptance), then consider yourself lucky: you can still have a close relationship with them that's positive and healthy!

If they react with intolerance, then you could try to have a less close relationship with them that's still positive, while sharing in the things you have in common and leaving the other matters alone. You can't make a stone catch fire, but you can use it to build something.

But unfortunately, if that's not possible, and if your parents react to your childfree-by-choice nature with utter contempt and chronic abusiveness, then you should temporarily or permanently separate yourself from them, and should seek out close friendships and relationships with other people who can accept and appreciate you the way you are.

That's my take on this, at least.

(About me: I've been childfree by choice since I was a kid. At age 10, I wasn't sure if I ever wanted children, and by age 15, I knew for sure that I never wanted kids. I got a vasectomy at age 25, and am 36 years old now. I'm seeking a woman who's also childfree by choice, my age range for a potential girlfriend is currently 25 to 52, and she can be as short as the top of my shoulder, or as tall as the sky! (The taller, the better.) I'm a slightly-feminine kind of guy (in terms of personality, hobbies, interests, tastes, and outlook on life), and am most attracted to plump women with strong personalities who are somewhat older than me. I don't have a "male ego" or paternal instinct, and have a difficult time relating to most other guys about women. But while hanging out with other guys, at least I don't have to worry about fighting over a girl! ha)

Anyway, here's a few interesting weblinks:

Long list of famous childfree people throughout history (Actor Chow Yun-Fat is on this.)

My favorite Chinese DINK couple Wu Qiong & Ruan Xun (They are famous Huangmei Opera performers, and she's also 15 years his senior. Awesome! I'm so jealous....)

Chinese "DINK family" site

English translation of Chinese "DINK family" site

"The Childfree Life" (Western-world site)

Oh well,...happy surfing. :-)

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