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Am i a loser?

Popularity 6Viewed 3847 times 2015-12-23 11:35 |Personal category:Wordly Life|System category:Life| loser, hope

I didn't get the social visit visa as the NGO couldn't provide with the document that the Embassay asked for.
I wasted two months, again!
Last year i went back to university to prepare for postgraduate entrance exam.Even though i worked very hard during that three months, the final score was not high enough to go to my dream university, Soochow University.After that i had to find a job, but before i could get a job i met bad people and resulted with miserable saving. To suvive the situation i tried to landed any job i could.The first one lasted two month and the second one 6 month.
Now, in 2015 i screwed up my plan for 2016.Will it be my last straw?
The whole story above was unknow for my family and most of my friends. I don't want them to worry about me. Actually it beacuse i was afraid they will judge me i suppose.I fear of failure. Ironically i failed over and over again.
Early of this month i visited my best friend Melissa for one week. Her business went very well and she bought her car just few days ago.I am so happy for her and always hope the best for her. But i have no idea where my future is. Damn!
Melissa asked me,"What do u want? Do you know what you really want?" She looked at my silence, and walked away.
Last weekend one of my old friend invited me to go to her birthday party. I haven't meet many of them for three or four months even we are in the same city. During that night they repeatedly reminded me of my appreance:bony body, worse skin, etc.I didn't tell them anything about my life but just kept smiling.
This morning i read my diary of last December by accident. I found out same uncertainty for new year. The difference is, there was hopeness between the lines, which is absent now.
Not long time ago i was cheated again by a stranger. She looks like a kind woman and spoke gentely. It dreadfully supprised me after i found out she lied to me. How could she do that? How she teach her children by doing such hideous thing? And then i know that there no horns on the head of bad people. 
I don't trust my judegement now, even my taste for clothes.I got lost.
Am i a loser? Yes for the moment! I ruined 2015. Sometimes i comfort myself with the old Chinese sayings about Benmingnian, as this year is Sheep year and i was a Sheep, zodiac year of my birth ! (People belong to Sheep is destinated to be unlucky this year). But i know i have to change. Fotunately i am still very young and i have many chances to restart.
God bless me. My Christmase wish:Let me find the right direction and be on the road.
Merry Christmas.





(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)


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Reply Report stander3068 2015-12-24 00:53
As you said that you are yong enough, and  you have planty of chances. As you said the words loser, I think it is more like fate or destiny. when we sink in common life and drife with common people, then we will become a common people. but when we strggle for a better life, we will change our fate. the best one to change our fate is reading or learning. our ancestor have summarized this as "万般皆下品,唯有读书高". when you reading, you will find that only diligence and pain can help you move forward in learning or reading, our ancestors summarized this as "书山有路勤为径,学海无涯苦作舟". you are yong enough to change yourself. wish you good luch from now on and a successful life.
Reply Report MichaelM 2015-12-24 16:51
If you are a loser, then, we all are. Setbacks, wrong decisions, temporary failures is something we all encounter in life. The difference is whether we get back up AFTER we fall or fail. We all will fail.  The winner never gives up. They have an attitude that they will never quit. I think you'll adopt this same attitude. Winning is in your future because you won't give up. Believe in yourself.
Reply Report sube 2015-12-24 21:28
"Have a dream". Have a dream about doing a great thing.
Reply Report moi234 2015-12-24 21:55
do you know what a loser is? a loser is someone who bullies others as a way to make themselves feel better about themselves. a loser is someone who is dishonest and cheats others to get ahead. a loser is someone who, out of spite, does things to hurt others. a loser is a coward who gets their kicks out of hurting others. there are more but ...are you any of those? ...you are not a loser and not even close. ...my advice is for you to completely step out of the rat race, and find your passion in life, disregarding what the society dictates to you. ..also, if you really understood life, you would understand that there is no such thing as failure....treasure all your experiences, and try to learn something from anything that happens to you, even when someone lies to you, you can learn from that. in this way, you will always be growing, and which idiot will call you a failure? ...remember, you don't need to care what stupid people think or say about you. good luck to you. never give up and you will get what you want someday, it's a guarantee.

oh, and if your friends bring you down, then maybe you should find new friends. hang out with only positive people who will bring you up. ...
Reply Report HenLaoLaoShi 2015-12-25 20:22
Not achieving every goal in life on the schedule that you set for yourself certainly does not make you a loser my friend.  None of us like delays or changes in our plans.  Though, sometimes, in hindsight, having to change are plans lead to a better outcome.  Be patient and keep pursuing your goals, but look at changes in your plans as new opportunities.  Merry Christmas.
Reply Report Dracarys 2015-12-25 21:02
just setbacks which is common is our life .. though saying this may sounds indifferent or stereotypical :don't be daunting .
easy said than done but we can't lose our heart ..
Reply Report Enyadeng 2016-1-1 23:49
MichaelM: If you are a loser, then, we all are. Setbacks, wrong decisions, temporary failures is something we all encounter in life. The difference is whether w ...
Thanks.
Reply Report Enyadeng 2016-1-1 23:50
sube: "Have a dream". Have a dream about doing a great thing.
What can be a great thing? To be a scientist? I don't know.
Reply Report Enyadeng 2016-1-1 23:52
moi234: do you know what a loser is? a loser is someone who bullies others as a way to make themselves feel better about themselves. a loser is someone who is ...
Thank you so much. "There is no such thing as failure"!Try and fail, but never fail to try. It's me.
Reply Report Enyadeng 2016-1-1 23:52
stander3068: As you said that you are yong enough, and  you have planty of chances. As you said the words loser, I think it is more like fate or destiny. when we s ...
Thank you~
Reply Report Enyadeng 2016-1-1 23:53
HenLaoLaoShi: Not achieving every goal in life on the schedule that you set for yourself certainly does not make you a loser my friend.  None of us like delays or c ...
Thanks. I'll be more patient as i am a big girl now.
Reply Report Enyadeng 2016-1-1 23:54
Dracarys: just setbacks which is common is our life .. though saying this may sounds indifferent or stereotypical :don't be daunting .
easy said than done but w ...
Yes you are right. Thanks.
Reply Report sube 2016-1-4 14:11
Enyadeng: What can be a great thing? To be a scientist? I don't know.
Do whatever you do with great passion towards it. Then it will be a great thing.

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  • How to be a good teacher? 2016-1-14 11:40

    Igo: Interesting. For sure, you will eventually handle all the problems a teach would face.
      

  • How to be a good teacher? 2016-1-14 11:01

    Enyadeng: Thanks. But i have no idea how it gonna be.
    Step by step, you will be there.

    Sorry, there's an eye glitch. It should be YOU WILL EVENTUALLY HANDLE ALL THE PROBLEMS A TEACHER WOULD FACE instead of A TEACH WOULD FACE.

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