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When women sacrifice their youth for a ticket to the West

Popularity 19Viewed 4094 times 2014-4-7 06:01 |System category:Life| Seeing, young, local, woman, the

Seeing a young local woman in the company of an older Western man has become a common sight in Chinese cities.

One may wonder about the reasons that would cause a young woman to sacrifice her youth by marrying a gentleman as old as or even older than her father. Could it be pure love that is initiated by the romantic souls of those involved? Yes, that is a possibility.

However, in most cases, it is not.

Most experts in marriages and relationships, including myself, believe that one must be realistic when one selects one's partner. Partners must satisfy each other physically, stimulate one another mentally and fulfill each other emotionally.

Taking those factors into consideration, one can see clearly that in most cases the older men can't satisfy the physical needs of their young Chinese wives. They are often unable to connect with them mentally due to the lack of communication skills in Chinese or English of either partner. Without any doubt, communication is the foundation of any successful marriage.

As for the emotional fulfillment, most Chinese women think that having a baby is essential. However, most old Western men already had and raised their children, which makes them apprehensive about the idea of having children at their age.

I discussed the issue with some young Chinese women who had married or are looking for an old Western man in an attempt to understand their motives.

One young woman told me that in romantic books, Western men are always attentive to the needs of their women. She emphasized her belief that most Chinese men are ignorant when it comes to women's emotional needs.

I tried to explain to her that actual life is very different from movies and books. Another young woman told me that she was tired of the foolishness of young men and their irresponsible behavior.

Most of the women that I interviewed told me that they were motivated to marry an old man in order to immigrate to Canada or the US where lifestyles are wonderful. Very few of them emphasized that they only had to stay with their old Western husbands until they get the citizenship.

After securing their Canadian or American citizenship, they can divorce their husbands and find suitable men in their age range. Some insinuated that they were sacrificing their own happiness for the sake of securing the futures of their children. A couple of women emphasized the fact that by marrying a rich old Western man, they would have a comfortable life with no need to deal with the hassle of going to work every day.

As for the reasons that would prompt a Western man to marry a woman as young as his daughter or granddaughter, they varied from one man to another. I talked with an American man who is 66 years old and is married to a 29 years old Chinese woman. He only knows a few words in Chinese and she can say a few words in English.

Upon asking him his reasons for marrying a young lady who doesn't speak English, he said that his American ex-wife was a blabbermouth. Every day, she wanted to talk about her day, which gave him a headache. Now, he has a peaceful life. His wife does everything at home, leaving him enough time to follow his interests.

Another Canadian gentleman said that he will never be able to marry a Canadian woman as young as his Chinese wife. He was adamant in insisting that his young Chinese wife spoils him rotten.

Canadian and American statistics indicate that most of the marriages of Chinese young women to North American old men end up in divorce.

(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)


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Reply Report teamkrejados 2014-4-7 09:33
I believe these women who pursue a meretricious life are of the "I'd rather cry in a BMW than smile on the back of a bike" ilk. Chinese men would have a hard time providing everything necessary for what is considered a good life these days: a home, a car and plenty of money. In that equation, women hold the power.
However, there are still plenty of traditional women who love their country, who would never want to leave, whose duty to their parents outweigh their need/lust for riches. Honestly, I believe 'gold digging' women are a tiny minority.
Reply Report voice_cd 2014-4-7 10:05
Thanks for sharing your story here, we have highlighted your blog.
Reply Report ColinSpeakman 2014-4-7 10:35 (Pending for approval)
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Reply Report seanboyce88 2014-4-7 13:21
Don't forget about the new rise of gold digging men now. More and more young men are on the look for rich, older ladies. I have seen a few older Chinese ladies with young foreign men now, it would be interesting to find it what the motives were.Before anyone gets offended, this happens in most countries...not just China. don't be offended
Reply Report ColinSpeakman 2014-4-7 13:47
seanboyce88: Don't forget about the new rise of gold digging men now. More and more young men are on the look for rich, older ladies. I have seen a few older Chine ...
Yes, most of the reflections on age gap and other questions of compatibility arise in many countries and are not a uniquely Chinese phenomenon. The Canadian guy that could not find such a young wife in Canada surely could in Vietnam or the Philippines for example. In the West, we should not be surprised that some older women also want toy boys! Men do not have a monopoly of sexual age differences! And certainly some more mature Chinese women have a lot to offer and many are beautiful - inside and out!
Reply Report Maierwei 2014-4-7 14:34
This is very typical of developing countries (marrying UP) and also very typical of developed countries (exotic is erotic). since women are supposed to exist physically only, that they don't speak the same language doesn't mean much. This is a new trade. People have different understanding of marriages anyways. This is not a recent phenomenon however. Puccini's opera Manon Lescaut (performed first in 1893) has a similar storyline (written in 1731). Inbetween there are lots of other works of art. Young "ambitious" women making "clever" choices is a very common literary theme, and probably also was a long time ago as well, even earlier than 1700s.
Reply Report ColinSpeakman 2014-4-7 15:23
Maierwei: This is very typical of developing countries (marrying UP) and also very typical of developed countries (exotic is erotic). since women are supposed t ...
There is an old joke, that may not be politically correct, and I risk offending some, but... There was a young guy and a young girl shopping. The young guy said when I am older and have more money I will buy an iPhone 5 . The young girl, said:  When I am older I will buy a sexy pair of knickers (panties). Then with those I can get as many iPhones as I want.  
Reply Report chessgame 2014-4-7 15:47
there is never a win win in any relation.one must give more than he or she takes.in situation like this,i am not surprised and only wish the victim gets over it and move on.if these young girls sacrifice their youthful ages to get what they want then good for them and if these old dudes gets what they want with these young women then fine and good.
Reply Report Bandito 2014-4-7 17:14
Excellent article! A most foolish enterprise..I like that you topped it up with stats!
Reply Report tedbrent 2014-4-7 17:26
teamkrejados: I believe these women who pursue a meretricious life are of the "I'd rather cry in a BMW than smile on the back of a bike" ilk. Chinese men  ...
To my mind, most guys  living in China are  loth to woo such material girls, although  such girls are  slender nymphs keen on wearing form-fitting and rakish getups publicly.

   Well-to-do Chinese business men  simply  treat such girls with contumely, believing that  material girls are delighted to  trade their  amour-propre for dosh. Some material girls are said to have posted their personal information or even price tags online  in a bid to seek out prospective clients.

Tellingly , the notion that everything can be monitized, including love, sex  and marriage,  has gained currency in China, not least because lots of Chinese men and women  are  drawn to the attractions of mercentalism and hedonism. On the other hand, paupers or thin cats are the victims of  pervasive social decadence and moral turpitude,  as exemplified by the attendees of 海南盛宴 , which has become a byword for profligacy, promiscuity  and public displays of wealth.

    Striving to be a member of such orgies or shindigs is a holy grail for hordes of  Chinese citizens or highfliers, who even  view that's part of social distinctions. You know a Chinese famous saying 笑贫不笑娼? That tells everything.

  To be fair, some foreign guys living in China are not innocent as well. I once found several articles written by a loutish  foreign expat claiming he has had more than ten Chinese girlfriends.  Worst yet, he even took the trouble to  set out the details of his sexual encounters with his so-called girlfriends in the articles, whilst calling these girls tramps.

  I'd say this guy is naff and has no morals as well.
Reply Report ColinSpeakman 2014-4-7 17:52
chessgame: there is never a win win in any relation.one must give more than he or she takes.in situation like this,i am not surprised and only wish the victim ge ...
Two satisfied parties then?  
Reply Report idorun 2014-4-7 19:23
Interesting but true in most countries , I believe vital is called survivable at any cost especially when you are at the bottom .
Reply Report waiguoren123 2014-4-7 20:26
I do not think it is only for Green card. Probability of pure love is less, I also agree this. Some may be want to settle abroad , i also agree this. And some girl does not understand all the things, and also may be some girls do not like Chinese men. They think foreigner kiss , foreplay are better. But marriage with old man, have high probability of ending in divorce. Some old man may find new energy for life or see new definition of life in his challenging age and accept this.
Reply Report ColinSpeakman 2014-4-7 20:28
tedbrent: To my mind, most guys  living in China are  loth to woo such material girls, although  such girls are  slender nymphs keen on wearing form-fitting and ...
I will paraphrase another saying: to have a girlfriend might be considered fortunate: to have two is careless: to have more than two is definitely unfortunate as the poor guy's bank account will reveal!   
Reply Report tedbrent 2014-4-7 22:20
ColinSpeakman: I will paraphrase another saying: to have a girlfriend might be considered fortunate: to have two is careless: to have more than two is definitely unf ...
  Point taken.
Reply Report chuckster 2014-4-7 23:55
My wife is 46 and I'm 60.  We met 6 years ago on the internet.  My wife had a 17 year old daughter at the time and she said because of being 40 with a teenage girl no man would look at her.  This is sad, but I understand the culture of this thinking.  It is even worse in Japan.  I love my wife and daughter very much and I take good care of them.  Every situation is different.  
Reply Report mutafire 2014-4-8 01:13
Could use stats, or links...i believe word has it that  Chinese wives can do anything once in the West and they remain royal till death...

For those against the deed, we are speaking like that because we are likely to be either able males, or foreign women...in China the sex scene is mashed up, girls in their millions roam free, Chinese boys wont dare ask them out even for a sex romp... City life means if you are poor you are more in pain and the West is the alternative....

If i were Chinese, I would go...
Reply Report ColinSpeakman 2014-4-8 09:23
chuckster: My wife is 46 and I'm 60.  We met 6 years ago on the internet.  My wife had a 17 year old daughter at the time and she said because of being 40 with a ...
Yes it ultimately comes down to what happens between two individuals and if works for them then that is all that matters. I wonder how different the stats that many marriages between mature foreign men and young Chinese women end in divorce are from other divorce statistics?
Reply Report Zoggles 2014-4-8 12:03
There are young women of every nationality marrying people more than twice their age - though rather than 'citizenship' as one possible reason, it would seemingly be for inheritance after the aged husband kicks it.

Most of the Chinese girls I know, would love to go abroad (to visit), but would not want to move and live there, so far from their family. It's only those that are actively seeking a foreigner for marriage that seem to have that kind of intention.
Reply Report tonysong2000 2014-4-8 21:57
this is common phenomena across the world.

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