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what is the true meaning of marriage?

Popularity 5Viewed 1924 times 2017-4-6 10:34 |System category:Life| love, boyfriend, important, marriage, meaning

In case u have no clue,in china,once u passed 25,you are VERY old to your parents’ and their peers’ extent.that means you are and already have been old enough to get married.

Over 30,u r the so-called outcast on marital market.

As soon as the time has arrived,your parents are busy themselves in making matched marriage for you and love isn’t the important issue for the whole process.

They keep setting up blind dates for u and the ideal husband-to-be (not boyfriend)they assume.

what are the qualification for these ideal husband-to-be?most of them come from middle class,have plain appearance,average height(sometimes even shorter),a little bit fat,no smoking,no drinking,clean background,no criminal record,no debt carrier,no violence tendency.....

and then parents from both families must have already negotiated the dowry deal if they think they find their dreamy son/daughter-in-law prior u and your future husband establish a relationship.

and the most horrible part is the swifter you are getting married, the more happier they are being.

what if you say no to this marital arrangement? Oops,u just get yourself into BIG troubles!suffering daily nagging,tolerating the side-eye witnesses from neighbours,depressive pressure shown on your parents faces,even family fight and argument and curse and violence and unhappiness and compromise etc. those are just beginning......

and unfortunately i just stuck into this dilemma.

I am a totally workaholic.i saved all my time working and climbing the hierarchy ladder so much as to forget to think about the loving counterpart.

My parents were on their way like 80% of chinese parents i can guarantee towards these process.

After one another men i have blind dated and got vain,i got bored and annoyed and tired,

I argued “does it matter if i marry or not? ”

My mom just answered”of course!because u have married,i just finished one of my duties and i can focus on the marriage for your little sister.and after both of you have married,i can feel relieved finally and can enjoy my late life by holding the babies u two labored.”

U can totally imagine how my younger sister’s face turned awkward!

I deeply acknowledged that rejection is a dead end ,i chose the last guy i dated and stepped into an unwanted relationship.

from my psychic point of view,I speculated he was doing the same.

we have joined for ten times of dinner and movies,but we never held our hands,not to mention engaging into some intimate moments.we talked about the normal things like households and work related instead of talking into each other’s hearts.we barely exchanged the profound eye touch.

I don’t love him and he doesn’t love me,we just pretended to be a couple for the satisfaction for our parents.

When the lie is just rolling to the cliff edge and broken,i assure it is the time to break up for real and restart blind dates.

A letter of marriage certificate can’t attach a family but love does.I certainly don’t want to get involve into a divorce and so do my parents.remaining unmarried is a shame and divorce is a bigger one.

When your marriage get into an inevitable separation,all faults come upon your head and not the ones who should be the most responsible for them.you are even lectured to swallow some domestic violence for children’s sake.

And the kids with no doubt would bear the most suffering pain.

This paradox happened to me,happened to my friends,happened to millions of chinese youth.

Too absurd for some foreign folks,but it’s not only the truth in china’s rural areas as well as in china’s modern. it also shows the rooted values for most of chinese middle-age parents to think that it is their life process to finish their children’s marriage and puppet their children’s lives

Chinese have held the finial piety values for thousands of years since it began its feudal civilization. Marrying a decent counterpart and having some heirs are the most essential part for finial piety.

The value stands still while some cosmopolitans of this country has developed into a high speed modernized cities and citizens get higher self-conscious education.

Under the patriarchy power,self-consciousness and self-independence are non-sense.

For someone who have the desire to change it ,i am sure it is more difficult than the enlightenment movement.

I ,as my parents’ child,can’t conquer it.

One side is finial piety,and the other is your own life,which one should you choose?

(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)


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Reply Report arabchinalover 2017-4-20 07:35
Family connection and belonging is too strong in china , parents are very possessive and authoritative !

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  • what is the true meaning of marriage? 2017-4-20 07:35

    Family connection and belonging is too strong in china , parents are very possessive and authoritative !

  • what is the true meaning of marriage? 2017-4-12 16:13

    Chinese students have little experience and understanding of the opposite sex. Girls "play" together, boys "play" together. No experience. Many have a cartoon like fantasy about love and marriage. To them it is some fairy tale of romance. The situation is encouraged by old attitudes and parental/ grand-parents pressure. Raising a family as soon as possible is the pre-eminent old attitude. I am sure many couples love each-other, but many find out too late that their chosen partner is not a prince or princess. Curiously men in China ignore women walking by. They seem to have no interest in them? Dating is thereby formal and awkward. They marry the first partner that shows any interest instead of living and mixing and experimenting, getting to know what they need in a partner and developing mature and sensible attitudes. Social development in China is slow but an emerging wish for careers and leisure before marriage is clear, particularly in the cities. So, the idea of "love" here can be rather distorted and unrealistic.

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