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Fear

Popularity 16Viewed 16989 times 2017-1-13 16:23 |Personal category:life|System category:Life| fear


To be able to live without fear is probably the greatest thing in this world. But this sort of ability doesn't come naturally or easily. To be fearless is a kind of status I would relentlessly chase after. I forget since when the feeling of fear started accumulating in my deep mind and sometimes it would almost drive me nuts.

 

When I was little, I was afraid of getting bad score and facing up with my mother's burst of anger and verbal abuse or even physical punishment.

 

When I was a grown-up, I was afraid of being unable to live up to others' including family and friends expectations. I couldn't bring myself to look at their disappointing faces, which was downright brutal.

 

When I started working, I was afraid of not being acknowledged by both my boss and coworkers. Meanwhile, I was afraid of the not so promising career prospects. I am actually still afraid of these things.

 

I don't know whether there are people living a life free of fear. Even if the answer is positive, I suppose the number must be very small as I reckon that it is an instinct ingrained in our gene. Even animals have fears, let alone human being who are creatures able to think.

 

Recently, I have come to realize that the most significant reason behind my monstrous fear is that I am way too controlling. In the past, I have been caught off guard a few times and dealing with that kind of experience was grueling and I ended up deciding to be better prepared next time so as to avoid the repetition of it. Gradually, I tend to control what may happen in the future. When things fail to go as what I have planned or predicted, I will invariably flip out. I will also  feel incredibly frustrated because I feel so small and so powerless in front of this world.

 

 

Of course, the mass media is another vital element contributing to my fear. Media is to a great extent driven by profits and meanwhile very manipulative. It is so smart in deciding what should be reported and how it should be reported. Being exposed to enormous amount of negative news isn't going to help people form a positive outlook of the world.

 

I use the app of China daily to check the news nearly everyday. Most of the time, bad news or even terrible ones is all over the front page of the app. I would read the newly delivered terrorist attacks in Middle East; I would find that another airplane crashed; I would find the level of air pollution reached sky high here in China; I would find another issue of food security was reported...

 

People suffer double when they fear. (I think this is a line from J K Rowling's latest book.) Fear indeed is not something we like. That said, I have to admit that it serves to drive us to achieve something if not greatness. The more I fear, the more I am driven to better myself so that I can be less fearful.

 

I have clearly known that if I don't want to be cornered one day by this life and this world, I need to sharpen my weapon and always be ready to fight back. Even if I may not be able to win, I can at least have fewer regrets.

 

Understanding the reasons behind fear and the benefits brought by fear, however, doesnt lead to the disappearance of it. What we should do to deal with it seems to vary from person to person. Some people find keeping themselves busy works; Some people may prefer confiding to their close friends or family. I havent figured out an efficient as well as effective way yet to address it.

 

Fears are like monsters creeping in quietly at night ready to startle you at a random time and then leave you a scar deep down in your heart. We always say that what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. But I sometimes think there should be another sentence after that: what doesnt kill you this time is going to come back to hunt you down.

 

(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)


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Reply Report Swifty55 2017-8-20 16:49
I would never grade your writing as one has done here. Fear is good in certain situlations, you I feel fear the unknown furture like most of us do which is normal.Good thoughts you shared.Thanks

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  • Fear 2017-8-20 17:04

    These are the things I have feared that actually happened to me in my life of 66 years.
    1. Getting drafted and sent to Vietnam in 1970.
    2. Student gang members threats to teacher.
    3. Gun pulled on me by a student.
    4. Mugged by gang member with knife walking to store.
    5, Car jacked at gun point
    I could go on but my point is these things that happened to me in the USA,still cause fear to people in the USA. I do not fear these things in China.

  • Fear 2017-8-20 16:49

    I would never grade your writing as one has done here. Fear is good in certain situlations, you I feel fear the unknown furture like most of us do which is normal.Good thoughts you shared.Thanks

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