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What if I take my boy friend to home in Spring Festival?

Popularity 12Viewed 2642 times 2016-2-5 21:20 |Personal category:home|System category:Life| friend


After I came back to home, the elders always enquire me that do I have a boy friend,and threatenme not to have a foreign boy friend with many unpleasant examples they heard of, as such. I do have a foreign boy friend, but I said no whenever and whoever (except my mom) asks me, even my friends who grew up with me. I feel sorry I have lied to them, but I am afraid more of the coming ramblings among the small village, which would definitely hurt my families.

The following is the imagination scene if I took him with me to home.

My hometown is a very small village located in the south of Shanxi province. Most of the people in my village are very simple and unsophisticated. All my families, except some of my young nephews and nieces who have been to big cities for further education, have never in their life seen a real foreigner. They know foreigners do exist, but only on TV. For them, foreigners are no different from aliens (no offense). They would be shocked and would be angry first with me for taking a foreigner, instead of a Chinese from any places, because they dont want me to go to further places. I am sorry for thatThen everybody in my village (that is the advantage of a small village) might know that a foreigner came to our village as my boy friend. This would be a quite sensation here. 

Anyway, the excitement would wane finally, but stare and talk keep. Everybody would pry into my stories with him all the time and all the place.My families would probably have much difficulty in communicating with him. He now is trying to improve his Chinese. Parents would consider what he could eat in home, because he is a Muslim, and we are not. Some people who want to help their children with their English would also try to encourage them to talk with him, but most of them would be too shy too talk in English, although they desperately want to. At table, I guess there would be some relatives trying to make him drink more Chinese liquor. 

Many of my relatives would try to talk me out of this relationship and persuade me to go to blind dates secretly. I would keep quiet and listen to them about the unfortunate things that might happen to me according to them. This would keep longer even after I went back to Shanghai. I know they would be kind and thinking for me, but right now, the bad things they would predict cannot be the reasons for me to break up with my boy friend. 

And by the way, my boy friend is tall, strong and brown in color, which might also remind people of the fearsome terrorists occurring from time to time on TV. 

I have not exaggerated the story, but I still hope they can take it slowly and smoothly, and my grandparents would accept him like my mom. 

Any comment or suggestion is very welcome here!

 

Hometown in last year

(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)


Passing

Eggs

Flowers
1

Shake hands

Ray

Friends who just made a statement (1 Person)

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Comment Comment (25 comments)

Reply Report laoren1234 2016-2-6 11:33
Just imagine that you are someone famous, a movie star, a popular singer or a sports celebrity. They attract attention anywhere they go whether they like it or not. In other words, get used to it.  
Reply Report dusty1 2016-2-7 17:42
That's a difficult problem I carnt give you any advise
Reply Report BlondeAmber 2016-2-7 18:09
The emotional blackmail I see families exert on their son/daughters in China is just disgusting.

Don't be in a hurry to bring a bf home to the family if you have not even known him for less than a year, because I know in the mind of some Chinese, introducing a bf to a family in China is the equivalent of saying you mean to marry him.
You can not know anyone well enough in less than a year to know that that they are going to be your life partner.

You family might really want the best for you, but they can also be thinking about themselves and how much they can profit from your marriage.
They can not live your life, only you can.

You can both respect your family and be able to make your own life choices.
ANYONE who says 'if you love me, you will........' does not have your interests at heart, and parents can be the worst using this disgusting form of emotional blackmail.

You are an adult capable of making your own life choices and are responsible for such a choice as who you date.
anyone who tells you otherwise does not respect you at all.
Reply Report futsanglung 2016-2-7 19:43
I find this strange, a a foreigner who has had 19 years experience in China I find that those people who have seen fewer laowai treat me better than those who have. I have visited many places where I was the first no Chinese to set fooot in the place and have always been made most welcome in those places.
Reply Report seneca 2016-2-7 21:09
Wait until you have been to his family ("family" is a collective meaning all members of the same family; your parents are not two "families" but two members of one family!). Maybe his family treats you the same as yours does your boyfriend. Or didn't you think that your boyfriend's family may have objections to his marrying a foreigner and a non-believer at that?
Reply Report msmarine 2016-2-7 23:37
I was subjected to a similar situation. I am a foreigner. I was married to a Chinese woman. I met her Mother, brother, sister-in-law but at a restaurant not at home. I was NOT allowed to go to her home because the villagers would talk and get upset. We are now divorced. I still love this gal & her daughter (13) we are still friends but we are apart partially because of what others might say.
If you believe, if you have love, then do whatever it takes. We are not here for a long time, enjoy what you ca, when you can.
Mike
Reply Report parcher 2016-2-7 23:51
They think so bad of foreigners, but will turn a blind eye to locals who beat their gf's up in the streets...
Reply Report Echo/hanhan 2016-2-8 10:40
Actually, dear, your family want you to live a happy marriage life. If you are happy in your marriage, they will be happy.
So I think you'd better not worry too much about whether your family will accept your bf or not.
Let it go!Love whoever you deserve. Good luck
Reply Report mixamixa 2016-2-8 18:16
futsanglung: I find this strange, a a foreigner who has had 19 years experience in China I find that those people who have seen fewer laowai treat me better than t ...
You mean the people who have met you before treat you bad compared to the people who haven't met you.

I wonder why?
Reply Report futsanglung 2016-2-8 19:52
mixamixa: You mean the people who have met you before treat you bad compared to the people who haven't met you.

I wonder why?
No, strangers in rural areas are friendlier than strangers in cities, plain and simple so stop trying to follow your own agenda
Reply Report mixamixa 2016-2-8 21:05
futsanglung: No, strangers in rural areas are friendlier than strangers in cities, plain and simple so stop trying to follow your own agenda
Just pointing out the obvious.
Reply Report futsanglung 2016-2-9 17:19
mixamixa: Just pointing out the obvious.
Obviously your absence has not improved your hateful ways
Reply Report cecilia颖 2016-2-11 10:50
laoren1234: Just imagine that you are someone famous, a movie star, a popular singer or a sports celebrity. They attract attention anywhere they go whether they l ...
haha,thank you.it takes time. I guess we all need to be prepared for that
Reply Report cecilia颖 2016-2-11 11:02
dusty1: That's a difficult problem I carnt give you any advise
I know. anything could happen.
Reply Report cecilia颖 2016-2-11 12:30
BlondeAmber: The emotional blackmail I see families exert on their son/daughters in China is just disgusting.

Don't be in a hurry to bring a bf home to the family ...
thank you,really. I have been thinking of this recently... there will be too many possibilities. i will try to make myself prepared for them...also because of those possibilities, now we agree not to marry, just being together... I don't think marriage is necessary for human. If we dont have marriage, we will have less problems, but it is what i think now, maybe we will change.
Reply Report cecilia颖 2016-2-11 12:38
futsanglung: I find this strange, a a foreigner who has had 19 years experience in China I find that those people who have seen fewer laowai treat me better than t ...
that makes sense. there is an old saying in China,"A thing is valued if it is rare." my friend used to tell me that 3 Russian boys went to a small village, and people there offered them free accommadation.in return, the Russian boys gave whatever that can to express their gratitude.
Reply Report cecilia颖 2016-2-11 12:39
seneca: Wait until you have been to his family ("family" is a collective meaning all members of the same family; your parents are not two "fami ...
you are right. I have not taken that huge fact into consideration. The religion might be a tremendous obstacle for me... so i prefer no-marriage at all now
Reply Report cecilia颖 2016-2-11 12:48
msmarine: I was subjected to a similar situation. I am a foreigner. I was married to a Chinese woman. I met her Mother, brother, sister-in-law but at a restaura ...
I am sorry to hear that, Mike. we actually talked about the future and I tole him that I might never marry him because of the religion. I can not pretend to believe.Language is not a big deal.no-marriage is the solution I can think of...
Cecilia
Reply Report cecilia颖 2016-2-11 12:48
parcher: They think so bad of foreigners, but will turn a blind eye to locals who beat their gf's up in the streets...
not always I think... people's view could be changed by what you do
Reply Report cecilia颖 2016-2-11 12:51
Echo/hanhan: Actually, dear, your family want you to live a happy marriage life. If you are happy in your marriage, they will be happy.
So I think you'd better not ...
thank you ,dear. now  I am thinking of no-marriage, just being together. I might have more difficulties if he took me to his hometown...

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