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When you have no wife to live with

Popularity 7Viewed 1105 times 2017-2-14 00:36 |Personal category:News review|System category:News| marriage, love

Just now reading a piece of news entitled “30 million Chinese men to be wifeless over the next 30 years” released by China Daily, I became a little shocked, since it will even be more difficult to find someone to live with you and have a family under such an awkward condition. Alas, I am still single, and the opportunity seems slim. Yeah, I am afraid (joking).

Now friends of mine who haven’t got married are being bombarded by the caring words and pursuasions of their parents (especially mothers) with an aim to urge my friends to settle down a relationship and get married as soon as they can. My mother once was calm about this and now has joined the mothers of my friends, although she is still moderate compared with other mothers.

Marriage has turned into the center of the lives of my peers who have’t got married, and it seems other things are not important at all compared with it. As long as you get married, you are safe and sound and won’t have any worry any more. At least, people under the traditional Chinese education all admit that you should marry when you are of age. On the other hand, if you are not of age, please keep away from boys or girls. That’s not suitable.

With this news piece released and learned by singles across the country, more and more people should be worried about their future.

“The chance is so slim, and how can I net a wife to live with me? I am so worried. Perhaps, I am so ashamde of myself.”

I guess many Chinese single males think this way, and their lives look like a heaven which has toppled down from above. But why?

What if you won’t have a wife to live with before you die?

In Chinese tradition, this life is dark and hopeless, since no further generation will come out of you. That’s a pity! Second, or probably third, you will be laughed at in public or private by others who have got married and have children. Then, probably you won’t have the happiness of raising your children or share your happiness and sorrow with them. More sadly, you will die alone in a house where only your dog guards you and the dog will starve to death after you die.

What a vividly sad picture of a single man!

But since we are still young and have lots of years to squander, we should do something special, or at least, make our lives vibrant. I don’t want to brag about the advantages of being single, but I think we seem to have missed one important question: why do we marry?
It is when we’re phisically mature, and so we should marry, or it is when we have met our love and so we think marriage is the best way to make our love bloom and expand? In the most romantic condition, we choose the second, but in the rock-hard reality, we surrender to the first. So, we don’t care about who we really love or care about, and what we do now is solve this problem and make our parents happy and probably generate potentional problems for ourselves, which include divorce and unchastity caused by bad relations, unhappiness, quarrel, irresponsiblity and so on.

Anyway marriage is the center, and people’s true feelings make way for the naked desire of completing one important thing in adulthood. If you think otherwise, you will get drowned in the words of traditon holders and protectors. The even worse condition is that those who have no relations with you or your family begin to laugh at you and your family, only because they think you and your family have no enough ability to settle down a marriage although their own marriages might be unhappy or are as colorless as a cup of tap water. To some extent, marriage turns into a tool to measure a person’s ability or family ability rather than the thing we do when we really want to. So, I want to ask: “Does my marriage have anything to do with you?” Definitely not!

However, I am not a man who upholds the idea of remaining single for a whole life, but I respect those including myself who have no partners now, for I know different people have different conditions and troubles that you don’t know at all. For me, I want to love and then marry if the condition matures. And I know many share the same view with me. For those who don’t want to marry or just think they still have more important things to do, we should respect them and take a fair view when communicating with them.

Now what does the “30 million Chinese men to be wifeless over the next 30 years” want to show us? I think it just gives us a figure and lets us know it. That’s all. Many people will get worried when they think about the power of our next and following generations to come and the entire power of our country; and many will get so depressed and begin complaining: “I am in a bad time, alas!” But for you, I think you should keep calm and alert when searching for love and marriage. The condition might be poor, but you are outstanding, and you have an opportunity, I believe.

(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)


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Comment Comment (14 comments)

Reply Report voice_cd 2017-2-14 16:10
thanks for sharing your story here, we would like to highlight it on the homepage.
Reply Report ampraxu123 2017-2-14 18:06
voice_cd: thanks for sharing your story here, we would like to highlight it on the homepage.
Thanks
Reply Report mixamixa 2017-2-15 04:51
Marry and say bye bye to your money, freedom to travel, watch TV, sleep, eat what you want, go out to the pub, stay out late...

Let me give you a little bit of advice about women:

Bed them, don't wed them

Do them, don't woo them

Date them, don't mate them
Reply Report foreignchinese 2017-2-15 07:53
Thank God they invented silicone dolls.
Reply Report ampraxu123 2017-2-15 11:46
mixamixa: Marry and say bye bye to your money, freedom to travel, watch TV, sleep, eat what you want, go out to the pub, stay out late...

Let me give you a lit ...
I don't totally agree with you but appreciate your frank attitude towards marriage.
Reply Report ampraxu123 2017-2-15 11:47
foreignchinese: Thank God they invented silicone dolls.
haha, good point!
Reply Report parcher 2017-2-15 21:19
Its the divorce settlements that are putting so many men off marriage, especially in the UK. I watched my friend go through a horrible divorce to a foreign woman. Without going in to too much detail, he lost around 65% of everything he had worked for, and money given by his parents!! I cant believe so many men are stupid not to ask them to sign a pre-nup!!! to hell with it being not romantic........protect what is rightfully yours, because the courts do not give a damn
Reply Report ampraxu123 2017-2-15 23:18
parcher: Its the divorce settlements that are putting so many men off marriage, especially in the UK. I watched my friend go through a horrible divorce to a fo ...
It sounds that your attitude towards marriage is negative.

Although my attitude differs from yours, I can understand what have described in your comment.

Or perhaps I have not got married yet, I have no ideas about the details of it.

One of the outstanding modern Chinese scholars once wrote in his book in Chinese: Those who stand outside the city want to enter the city, while those who are already inside want to exit.

The city refers to marriage.

I am not inside it, and so I still want to enter it to discover what's in it.

Thanks for your sharing your story with me.  
Reply Report Dracarys 2017-2-16 08:38
then live on your own ..
Reply Report parcher 2017-2-16 12:01
Well mixamixi is right. Marriages are an insurance policy for the ladies set up by Feminists!! did you know recently in the uk one guy who has been divorced 10 yrs must now give his ex wife more money because she has wasted every penny she got 10 yrs ago!! she received 250,000 pounds, but she spent every penny..
China is different yes, so I wish you good luck
Reply Report ampraxu123 2017-2-16 21:44
Dracarys: then live on your own ..
yes
Reply Report ampraxu123 2017-2-16 21:46
parcher: Well mixamixi is right. Marriages are an insurance policy for the ladies set up by Feminists!! did you know recently in the uk one guy who has been di ...
Your story sounds unbelieveable. Sorry for the guy.

China is indeed different from the UK.

Thanks.
Reply Report anshuwen 2017-2-19 00:19
You know, as China's economy continues to improve, foreign women will find Chinese men more attractive.  What do you think about a foreign wife?
Reply Report ampraxu123 2017-2-20 10:14
anshuwen: You know, as China's economy continues to improve, foreign women will find Chinese men more attractive.  What do you think about a foreign wife?
Once I jokingly told my mother I would marry a Japanese woman or a woman from the UK or US, but now, after a long time of thinking and observation, I still think I prefer Chinese women. The feeling is different. But if I have a chance to marry a woman from outside China, I will still consider it.

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