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Who are more romantic, men or women?

Popularity 11Viewed 18126 times 2014-4-20 08:29 |System category:Life

The word romance is associated with the notion of being vulnerable in men's minds. They are conditioned to perceive being romantic as being feminine or being a wimp. Even the meaning of the word romance is confusing to men in general.  


I took upon myself the task of asking the men whom I encountered in my daily life about their perceptions and definitions of the word romance and discovered that there was no distinct consensus to the concept of romance among men. Some told me that having a quickie in the spur of the moment is romantic. Others perceive it as a word created by women to get back at men for all those years of oppression that they went through at the hands of men. One individual contemplated for a moment and then he told me that romance signifies making women feeling good at the expense of making men uncertain about their identities.


I could not believe my ears hearing an individual telling me, that he perceived romance as a group of lies that men say to get women into bed. One man came close to the general comprehension of romance by perceiving it as an attempt to court the lady in one’s life to entice her to be his wife or girlfriend.


The final conclusion that I draw from my discussion with men was that they are ignorant about romance as they are about every aspect of a relationship. Watching football all afternoon means being romantic to most men. Men feel that allowing the ladies in their lives the pleasure of being their waitresses, are the ultimate romantic notions. Their women should make sure that you have enough snacks and drinks so the lazy bums wouldn't get their asses up and go to the fridge to get their own drinks and snacks for fear that they may miss few seconds of the game. Going hunting or playing ball with a group of misfits while leaving their ladies keeping the castles clean and tidy for the return of their kings from their trips, is considered romantic by some men. Cooking and cleaning after a hard day at work while the bums sitting watching television without any consideration of offering their help to their ladies, is seen in some distorted minds of men as being romantic. Spending thousands of dollars to buy bowling or golfing equipments while being absolutely stingy when it comes to buying a bouquet of flowers for a special occasion for the ladies in their lives, is conceived in some klutz of men as being romantic. Forgetting the ladies birthdays and anniversaries among other important occasions implies in the men zucchini brains as being romantic. No wonder, women have the justified notion that men are not romantic.  


I perceive romance as attempting even the impossible to instigate within the lady in one’s life the secure feeling of being appreciated for enriching one’s life. A single rose on a weekly basis with a tender note attached to it stating that one feels extremely fortunate to have her in one's life. Hugs, touches and kisses given in abundance are simple ways to show appreciation toward one’s lady. A telephone call in the middle of the day to her work with a joke or a simple indication of having her in one’s thoughts would help brighten up her day and make it bearable. Leaving work early and waiting for her in front of her work with a suggestion to take her to dinner and a movie would initiate within her the feeling of being loved and appreciated. Going home early and preparing a candle lit dinner and creating anticipation by putting a note at the door inviting her to enter and not to be afraid. When she opens the door, another note is waiting for her telling her that she is close and should follow the direction written in the note which will lead her to a table with dinner and candle for two. The man dressed elegantly waiting to seat her. Seeing you taking the time and exerting the effort to create this wonderful surprise for her would transfer her and her prince, you, to the paradise of love.  


Women whom I encountered expressed their perceptions of romance in a manner that one can draw a common conclusion. The majority of women to whom I posed the question concerning their definitions and their perceptions of romance indicated that they wish to be appreciated, made feel wonderful about their feminine and mental assets and not be taken for granted. Some implied that being given flowers from time to time is conceived as being romantic. Preparing a candle lit dinners for two is perceived as being romantic. Buying an expensive gift and wrapping it nicely to present it to one’s lady would be considered romantic. Walking hand in hand while absorbing the beauty of nature is another manner in which a man can display his romanticism. The problems pertinent to the question of being romantic or not are originated from the variance of the perception of what would be considered romantic among the man and the woman in a relationship.  


It is very common that you encounter couples with views concerning romance as far apart as the sky and earth. One must be honest and talk about every aspect of a relationship, including romance upon meeting for the first time and continue the discussion of their expectations from one another concerning being romantic, if the circumstances arise and they become a couple. The apprehension of discussing these issues for the fear of scaring one off, will lead to a disastrous relationship in which the woman, the man or both lack fulfillment of their romantic notions. We are conditioned to be too cautious and afraid to open up which leads to being imprisoned within walls of fear and caution. We wait for the right time, in our conditioned minds to talk freely and when that time arrives for opening up, it is too late because one is too involved to risk it all by opening up. Another factor that leads to the disappointment from the women, men or both sides concerning the fulfillment of the romantic notions within them is the pretension of being romantic that is assumed by the man or the woman to entice the other during the span of their courtship. Both the man and the woman should be completely truthful and be themselves from day one to avoid the heartaches that would result from falling in love with the person the other pretending to be. 


(Opinions of the writer in this blog don't represent those of China Daily.)




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Comment Comment (11 comments)

Reply Report 财神 2014-4-20 09:58
some times no one romantic, sometimes both.
Reply Report teamkrejados 2014-4-20 15:35
"...they are ignorant about romance as they are about every aspect of a relationship." Yep, sounds like the men I know!
Reply Report voice_cd 2014-4-20 19:58
Thanks for sharing your story here, we have highlighted your blog.
Reply Report LanaLiao 2014-4-20 21:52
aSeems you are one of the few men who understand  what a woman really wants from her man.
Yet, how can a man consider letting his lady be his waitress a ultimate romantic notion? It's extremely confusing for me.
In my eyes, being romance involves interaction, mutual care and little surprises from time to time. It is very simple as long as you want to be romantic. In fact, most women are easy to
be satisfied, what they need most is their men's care and love. If a lady is given the two important things, she will feel satisfied, and easily and willingly become his waitress.
In my perception, doing the housework together, learning to say thanks to each other, mutual kisses and hugs upon each brief departure and each reunion, taking a walk hand in hand after dinner, are the simplest and also the easilest ways of being romantic and keeping one's love fresh.
Reply Report ExileMick 2014-4-20 22:45
Of course men are more romantic than women. Men just view romance from a man's point of view which is different from a woman's.

Men are also much more generous than women. Consider ... it is known that no woman has ever given sex to a man because he was poor. Men, though, have enjoyed sex with many poor women and, sometimes, we have given them money too.
Reply Report xuehailang 2014-4-21 10:14
in my perception,everyone has romance,whether you are a woman or man.but different people have different definition of romance in their minds. And i think i am a romantic man for people i love. i remembered that i often walked with my girlfriend from our party to our dorm,although it was a long way.we felt so happy,under the night,we talked lesiurely, so free and relaxed,what`s more ,our relationship became deeper and i often miss the past we spended together.
Reply Report tedbrent 2014-4-21 23:36
Reply Report claudeckenni 2014-4-22 00:26
Depends on the environment where he/she grew in
Reply Report Maierwei 2014-4-23 20:59
The kind of men you're talking about in this post are... losers in life who have nothing remarkable for THEMSELVES, it's cruel to expect them to be giving to someone else. I mean, how intelectually and emotionally satisfying your life can be when the only non-work entertainment is watching football (not even playing it) and expecting to be served by a female servant (girlfriend, wife, slave)? There are many women in the same condition as well. They take pride in their suffering. Housework, dealing with parents, dealing with children, dealing with ideologies or whatever. Many people live quite barren, stale lives, of course they lack the urge to share creativity or "romance" with someone.

And the "romance" you mention, flowers, notes, the guy taking the woman out to dinner and waiting for her... Sound like a child's game to me. Candle-lit dinner is a cliche as well. Most of the conventional "romantic" stuff are repulsive to many people (to me for example) because they are so cheesy and empty inside. You see those in movies, on TV, in poorly written stories... And just copy. Is this romance?

I think romance is a very personal concept and shouldn't/can't be classified as men's and women's understanding.
And probably just for this reason (my opinions on this issue) all men that have ever been in my life any way (beginning with my father, friends, partners...) all have been VERY emotional, sensitive and romantic individuals. Which was frustrating to me, but questioning if I'm heartless or not was even more frustrating. Because I'd say I'm very romantic, but in my own understanding of course.
Reply Report stanny 2014-4-24 18:51
I completely agree with Maierwei, in your idea, a simple rose once a week is so cliche. And this idealogical situation comes from movies and books. which is why they are so wonderful to watch and read because its escapism. These things rarely, if ever happen in real life.

It also seems to me from your post that you have the romantic ideas, but that they should be carried out by the man. So you are basically saying that women think more romantically but are less likely to carry out these acts of romance, and instead wait for the man to take the initiative.

I dont think people fully understand what romance actually is... its the consideration and care for the other half. not huge spur of the moment huge gestures. this cannot be maintained over a long period, and any girl who expects their boyfriend to do this is never going to be happy.

romance could be sitting down and having a cup of tea on sofa and watching a film could be a conversation. the idea of romance is based on each individuals perspective, and the more you desire grand gestures you see on tv the more you will feel frustrated and disappointed with romance all together
Reply Report bex 2014-4-25 20:40
wow your romance definately can pull quite a bit of innocent girls with simple head too (just like me..) i was dreaming about the similar 'romantic' stuff my future husband will do to me just like in the movies but now I got married my husband never done any of that then I realised the real romance is not all about the touching movie plot but a man who still tell you that you are the most beautiful even you got a pizza face, read stories to kid every night,  if one day he prepared me candle-lit dinner, standing downstairs singing to me with an old radio player i still going to be very happy, if he wont ever do that kind of stuff I won't mind, because I don't really care those stuff anymore,  the most important thing of a romance depends on how you think of it.

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